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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a night off?

113 replies

theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 14:54

As some of you who are on the Xmas do thread might know, dh and i are currently in "negotiations" over when i come back from the MN Xmas do. the plan originally was that i was going to drive down to a MNer's house, get ready there, go from there to London, then stay over there and drive back to IL's (where dh and ds would be staying) in the morning. that plan went awry because the MNer couldn't go in the end.

anyway, then i said i'd just get the train back the same night, but i realised that i'd have to leave the party at half 10 which would be rather pointless.

then a lovely MNer offered me either a place to crash overnight, or a lift back to her house so i could drive back to the IL's the same evening. i would rather stay over because if i drive back that evening then i can't have a drink.

i don't think it's unreasonable to have one night off. dh can settle ds now, ds takes a bottle, and he'll be with his grandparents, who utterly adore him. i should add, by the way, that dh has spent quite a few nights away since ds was born (admittedly for work, but still) and i'm exepcted to just cope with that, while he has ds for 1 night and it's the end of the farkin world.

so, AIBU??

OP posts:
oliveoil · 27/11/2007 14:56

oh tell him it is 2007 fgs not 1957

tell him you are staying out

end of

YANBU
_ __

oliveoil · 27/11/2007 14:57

If I were you, I would 'miss' the last train

oh diddums, I will have to stay out now, sorry dear

HuwEdwards · 27/11/2007 14:58

Definitely go.

He is completely unreasonable in even debating it.

TellusMater · 27/11/2007 15:01

WHat is he objecting to exactly?

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/11/2007 15:02

YAN AT ALL!!! BU

i would love a night off... I've been on 24/7 duty for 3 years from December, since ds1 was born..

Well apart from when I'm in paid employment, but its only an change, not really time off.

Havent' told dp yet that me and a friend who had her 2 kiddies about the same time as me, have booked a spa weekend in January somewhere far too far away to nip back if there's an emergency! And we'll hit the mini bar on arrival just to make sure

2Happy · 27/11/2007 15:03

YANBU; he is!

goingfriggincrazy · 27/11/2007 15:04

I have one night off in 5 yrs.........

sighs

lou33 · 27/11/2007 15:06

HE is being unreasonable not you

go have fun and make the most of it

Flamesparrow · 27/11/2007 15:06

Grrr

Bloody man

I was wondering about "missing" the last train too. I could forget to tell you what the time is if you want?

onlyjoking9329 · 27/11/2007 15:23

yes he is being unreasonable, go and enjoy yourself

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 15:24

TM - he's objecting because he wouldn't know exactly when i'd be back. this has been an ongoing issue for us. he's been upset in the past because i've said i'll be home at 12 and been half an hour late, or (on one occasion) come home rather bladdered!

the thing is, i never make him be home for a certain time. i encourage him to go out. oh, and the reason he likes me to be home for a certain time is so he can tell ds "Mumma will be home in 20 minutes." ds is 10 months. ffs.

OP posts:
Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 15:24

TM - he's objecting because he wouldn't know exactly when i'd be back. this has been an ongoing issue for us. he's been upset in the past because i've said i'll be home at 12 and been half an hour late, or (on one occasion) come home rather bladdered!

the thing is, i never make him be home for a certain time. i encourage him to go out. oh, and the reason he likes me to be home for a certain time is so he can tell ds "Mumma will be home in 20 minutes." ds is 10 months. ffs.

OP posts:
2Happy · 27/11/2007 15:25

Tell him you'll be home by 5pm, then when you come home early (bladdered or otherwise) he'll be pleasantly surprised.

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 15:25

oops - so angry i posted twice, sorry!

OP posts:
harleyd · 27/11/2007 15:25

he is being totally ridiculous
tell him to catch himself on
go out and have a great time and go home when it suits you to do so

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 15:27

the point is, 2Happy, i shoudn't have to tell him when i'll be home. he is neither my mother, or my father (not that i tell them when i'll be home either, mind you!) i don't ask him to account for his every movement. i don't see why it should be different for me because i've got a vagina....

OP posts:
Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 15:31

btw - i sent him the link for this, so any other lurkers with messages of support for me, dig in!

OP posts:
2Happy · 27/11/2007 15:33

Well either he's the sort of person who feels daunted by being in charge of a baby by himself and needs the security of knowing a time when you'll be back so he can plan towards that time; or he's being a twat.

2Happy · 27/11/2007 15:34

(oh, man, you could have warned me sooner! )

LoveAngelGabriel · 27/11/2007 15:35

YANBU. Go. Drink. Stay out. He will live.

TellusMater · 27/11/2007 15:35

So tell him when you will be back. Lunchtime the following day .

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 15:37

2Happy - he's being a twat. sorry dear, but you are...the might of MN agrees with me!

OP posts:
phdlifeneedsanewlife · 27/11/2007 15:40

urban you've said ir all on your 15:27 post. and 2happy's last one is good too. your ds is his kid, he should look after him, and you, being an intelligent capable ADULT should have his blessing to go have fun, however you choose!

Original poster
theUrbanDryad · 27/11/2007 15:41

phd!!! how are you doing now? i keep missing you on threads!

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 27/11/2007 15:43

sigh - i went through this with my dh but PRE kids and PRE marriage, as soona s we got married and had kids he chilled and i no longer have to account for my every move.

TBH - i go out a lot less, and so does he (having kids does that to a persons finances), but the time we do get out, we make the most of it and will not rush back for any reason. We are equal parents with equal rights and equal ability to cope. As long as it is equal none of this bickering about when/where/how/who you are going with happens.

If this is the first time you have been away over night he could just be in unfamiliar terratory and panicking - go, stay over night as planned and come back when planned - he will deal with it - if he doesn't thats when you need a chat about how things will work going forward.....its not like you are being unhand about it, you're not sneaking off, it's all pre-arranged.