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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that all men are a bit shit?

181 replies

Vitallyli · 25/07/2021 21:32

I love DH, he's intelligent, generous, loves me, our DS, our dog, my family, he's not a cheater, not a gambler, but he also has low self esteem, can get paranoid about me cheating, can get depressed, drinks more than I think is okay, we are in our mid 30s, can shout at me sometimes, doesn't help me around the house much would rather make me a massage. He tells me compliments daily though, boosted my self esteem after birth for which I'll be eternally grateful. I hope I paint a fair picture. AIBU to think that all men are flawed and there is no perfect relationships and women have to put up with one thing or another or is there a beautiful loving, caring and respectful relationships out there?

OP posts:
OneGlamMama · 25/07/2021 21:44

I'll drink to the all men are shit Wine

Soon to be divorcing as I've basically been a single mother since son was born.

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 25/07/2021 21:46

@Vitallyli

I love DH, he's intelligent, generous, loves me, our DS, our dog, my family, he's not a cheater, not a gambler, but he also has low self esteem, can get paranoid about me cheating, can get depressed, drinks more than I think is okay, we are in our mid 30s, can shout at me sometimes, doesn't help me around the house much would rather make me a massage. He tells me compliments daily though, boosted my self esteem after birth for which I'll be eternally grateful. I hope I paint a fair picture. AIBU to think that all men are flawed and there is no perfect relationships and women have to put up with one thing or another or is there a beautiful loving, caring and respectful relationships out there?

Would it be more fair to say "all PEOPLE have some flaws, and it's all about balance?"

Babyboomtastic · 25/07/2021 21:47

Everyone is human and has flaws, and relationships are made of two flawed people who screw up sometimes. But are there relationships where there is love and kindness and thoughtfulness and a true respectful partnership - absolutely. I'm on one, and whilst neither of us are perfect, we wouldn't change things for the world.

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 25/07/2021 21:48

To be fair, though, OP - the observations you've made about your DH sound pretty hard to live with.

Not all men are like yours, no. Some are worse. Some are better.

entropynow · 25/07/2021 21:48

If so, all women are a bit shit as well. I know I am Grin

feelingmehtoday · 25/07/2021 21:48

AIBU to think that all men are flawed and there is no perfect relationships and women have to put up with one thing or another or is there a beautiful loving, caring and respectful relationships out there?

You would be more accurate to say that all humans are flawed and that there is no perfect relationship and both parties within any relationship have to make sacrifices of some type, which includes accepting imperfections in their partner.

User135644 · 25/07/2021 21:49

All men?

Most people are a bit shit.

LagunaBubbles · 25/07/2021 21:49

All humans can be flawed OP.

entropynow · 25/07/2021 21:50

And the idea that the only relationship worth having includes a flawless man (or flawless anyone) is thoroughly stupid.

SourAppleChew · 25/07/2021 21:50

IME it's usually the man walking on eggshells. Lots of men put up with 'princess' types, but a woman would run a mile if a bloke said on his dating profile that he was 'a bit high maintenance' etc.

dappledsunshine · 25/07/2021 21:51

It's not a man thing to be flawed, just a human thing. I'm way more flawed then my dh.

Susannahmoody · 25/07/2021 21:52

Yeha were all flawed.

Women do seem better though anyway. It all goes to pot for men once kids arrive. Women assume the role of primary caregiver

Sparklfairy · 25/07/2021 21:52

I hope I paint a fair picture.

Possibly. You've kept very quiet about your own good and bad points though.

Just10moreminutesplease · 25/07/2021 21:53

As PP have said all people are flawed. My DH is no more flawed than I am.

Are you asking if it’s normal for your partner to be jealous, shout at you, drink too much, and not pull his weight around the house? Whether this is ‘normal’ or not doesn’t really matter... it’s not a healthy way to live and not gambling or cheating doesn’t make up for it.

feelingmehtoday · 25/07/2021 21:53

@dappledsunshine

It's not a man thing to be flawed, just a human thing. I'm way more flawed then my dh.

Me too.

idontlikealdi · 25/07/2021 21:55

Are you perfect op?

Biancadelrioisback · 25/07/2021 21:55

As mother of a boy I find this really shit. Yes DH has flaws, as will DS. That does not make them shit unless you are also willing to accept that women have flaws too

IonaLeg · 25/07/2021 21:56

My husband is amazing. Of course he has flaws - I do too. But his flaws are easy to live with, and outweighed one hundred fold by his amazing bits. He’s endlessly kind, generous, gentle, clever, funny, supportive and thoughtful. I think I’m a lot more flawed / hard to live with than he is. He’s absolutely wonderful.

Morgan12 · 25/07/2021 21:57

More men are shittier than woman.

TiredButDancing · 25/07/2021 21:58

Well, I'd say all people are flawed. But the "flaws" you describe sound more than minor flaws that you just have to put up with. I mean, "not a cheater, not a gambler" feels like a pretty low bar to me. I assume paranoid about you cheating on him plays out as him accusing you of things, not wanting you to go out without him, you needing to adjust your behaviour for him?

Compliments are all very well but cleaning the bathroom is more helpful quite frankly.

Chailatteplease · 25/07/2021 22:00

YABU to say ‘all men’. I’m a woman and much more flawed than my DH.

That said, you don’t have to put up with shitty behaviour. He should address his self esteem issues and it’s not unreasonable for you to expect he does.

Toottooot · 25/07/2021 22:01

Have you not got any flaws then? Women are far from perfect too.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 25/07/2021 22:02

Selfishness is huge though.

I have never met one who doesn't think if himself first middle and last

SpaceOp · 25/07/2021 22:03

Flaws are things like leaving the bathroom seat up (many men) or using irritating accents when messing about (my DH) or leaving shoes lying around (me). Drinking too much and accusing you of cheating are not really in the same category.

EmoIsntDead · 25/07/2021 22:04

Everyone has flaws. My DH is an amazing guy and I can overlook his flaws because we get on so well and have a lovely life together.

I’m certainly not one of the #notallmen brigade but I think it’s a bit shit you’re dragging all of our fathers/brothers/partners/sons down to your DH’s level.

Of course there are no perfect relationships, it’s completely unrealistic to think that there are. I think you should perhaps concentrate on your own relation and it’s issues. I certainly wouldn’t be putting up with a husband who accuses me of cheating, doesn’t pull his weight at home, drinks too much and shouts at me. This isn’t an ‘all men are shit’ problem, it’s a YOUR man is a bit shit problem