AIBU to think that all men are a bit shit?

[Vitallyli]

I love DH, he's intelligent, generous, loves me, our DS, our dog, my family, he's not a cheater, not a gambler, but he also has low self esteem, can get paranoid about me cheating, can get depressed, drinks more than I think is okay, we are in our mid 30s, can shout at me sometimes, doesn't help me around the house much would rather make me a massage. He tells me compliments daily though, boosted my self esteem after birth for which I'll be eternally grateful. I hope I paint a fair picture. AIBU to think that all men are flawed and there is no perfect relationships and women have to put up with one thing or another or is there a beautiful loving, caring and respectful relationships out there?

It worries me somewhat that "low self esteem" and "can get depressed" are included in the OP's list of reasons why "men are shit". Psychological difficulties such as these do not make a person "shit", regardless of their sex. What a way to keep mental illness stigma alive.

Exactly.

I was thinking I'd probs get called a handmaiden which seems to be the insult for women who care about men, but I think men are really suffering a serious mental health crisis.

The stats speak for themselves. 80 male suicides a week! Biggest cause of death in men under 50yo.

All humans are flawed.

Nobody's perfect. But we love eachother and we have no massive flaws so we can work around them

@Vitallyli

I love DH, he's intelligent, generous, loves me, our DS, our dog, my family, he's not a cheater, not a gambler, but he also has low self esteem, can get paranoid about me cheating, can get depressed, drinks more than I think is okay, we are in our mid 30s, can shout at me sometimes, doesn't help me around the house much would rather make me a massage. He tells me compliments daily though, boosted my self esteem after birth for which I'll be eternally grateful. I hope I paint a fair picture. AIBU to think that all men are flawed and there is no perfect relationships and women have to put up with one thing or another or is there a beautiful loving, caring and respectful relationships out there?

And people wonder why posters express gender disappointment.

Absolutely men are flawed. Luckily women are too so it evens out.

DH has many fewer flaws than me. I'm lazier than DH and much more impatient and irritable sometimes. He is the stoic type , more.naturally organised than me, less discouraged .

To be honest I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes. I am not all flaws ( I hope) but I have some pretty big ones. DH has them too but in all honesty.I am.far more flawed than he is .

I think you get some.people who are just better at life than others.

I.do.exclude those men who are physically and mentally abusive to their partners from this . There are of course more men like this than women, though some women can definitely have this tendency too

Never heard of the phrase 'nobody's perfect' OP?

@feelingmehtoday men are not supposed to show any negative emotion and very few positive ones. Therefore any man who does is broken and letting the side down. OP no doubt thinks her dh should stiffen his upper lip, or possibly is annoyed that he is reluctant to seek help which he has been conditioned not to do because see point 1.

Yes, despite all women being pretty perfect, all men are lazy, toxic numbskulls.

What a ridiculous idea.

@dewisant2020

I've never understand why woman constantly put men down, as a mother of a son I am mortified to think he's going to be constantly judged just because he's a man. All humans are 'shit' to a degree, we all have flaws no matter what's between our legs. I know some amazing men and some utterly terrible woman and vice a versa.

DON’t worry, your son will be fine. Most women still panders to men.

Also, are you also upset/worried what and how men talk about women?
That is a much bigger concern.

This isn’t an ‘all men are shit’ problem, it’s a YOUR man is a bit shit problem

Kind of like John Stuart Mill in reverse then?

But seriously. I don’t think men are shittier than women, but their shitty behaviour seems to get a pass more than women’s. And they are less aware of their flaws because women are taught to second guess themselves.

Go to the porn thread and watch that video about the effect of porn on boys and girls. Boys thinking it’s ok to ejaculate on a girl’s face (without even asking) and girls feeling like they have to put up with it because it’s normalised.

Everyone is flawed.

Your husband however sounds a bit of a twat, being flawed is completely different to being someone who shouts as their partner.

@IonaLeg

"his amazing bits."

I'd definitely like to hear more about them!

LOL

I couldn’t cope with anyone shouting at me.

But yes I think all people have faults.

Mumsnet has a lot of women who hate men. I hate that aspect of it, it reminds me of my Mum who raised me believing that all men are shit and it took a long time for me to shake that off so that I could have healthy relationships. It’s really not good for children to be raised with sexism, either way.

I’m not perfect and neither is dh. It’s just whether you can learn to live with each other really.

Mumsnet has a lot of women who hate men. I hate that aspect of it

Oh please! Most of the replies on this thread have pushed back on the OP and stuck up for men.

Are you that naive that you think a similar “I hate women” post on a male dominated forum would be met with “oh no women are great”. You only have to venture outside mumsnet to see the internet is crawling with incel philosophy yet sure, it’s women who hate men!

@Just10moreminutesplease

As PP have said all people are flawed. My DH is no more flawed than I am.

Are you asking if it’s normal for your partner to be jealous, shout at you, drink too much, and not pull his weight around the house? Whether this is ‘normal’ or not doesn’t really matter... it’s not a healthy way to live and not gambling or cheating doesn’t make up for it.

Agree - @Vitallyli - you've set yourself a low bar if you are willing to accept this behaviour.

As other people have already pointed out -people are flawed.

I'm in a very happy relationship but of course we both put up with each other's flaws and annoying habits. However, these are little things not big things which make either of us feel upset regularly or disrespected in anyway.

I think all men are flawed obv ,however drinking too much and not helping around the house seem to be fairly serious flaws tbh!. I have never gone in for this my husband is perfect yours isn't that some women play . I think you have maybe accepted this behaviour, but he should help around the house really unless he wants to pay for a cleaner!

It's a really annoying feature of MN, the "I picked a shitty man so I'm going to keep saying that all men are shitty to make me less stupid about my choice".

Sorry, but no dice. My DH is not a shitty man, neither are my brothers, and nor or my sons. And on that point, I hope you don't have any sons, because your attitude is appalling for them.

My husband isn’t perfect but he’s a better person than me 100%. The funny thing is he would say the same about me because for some reason he doesn’t see my flaws the same way I see myself. Humans are, to varying degrees, great but awful.

AIBU to think that all men are flawed and there is no perfect relationships and women have to put up with one thing or another

Well, of course this is true, but it's only half the story, isn't it?

or is there a beautiful loving, caring and respectful relationships out there?

There are, but they're not perfect either.

My marriage isn't perfect. How could it be? But it's beautiful, loving and caring. I much prefer life with him to life without him and I don't want anyone else.

You're unhappy in your relationship. There are options for addressing that. Maybe it's fixable, maybe it's not.

It's a really annoying feature of MN, the "I picked a shitty man so I'm going to keep saying that all men are shitty to make me less stupid about my choice".

Harsh but fair.

All human beings are flawed, but your bar is pretty low, OP.

Your DH shouldn’t shout at you.

My DH isn't perfect. Nor am I. And that's fine

But we treat each other with respect, do our best to be good partners and talk openly and honestly. We never raise our voices, and have shared values and expectations

You describe some quite major issues..... drinking to excess, shouting, not doing his share of household tasks, accusing you of infidelity