Did I deserve this

[Clappingforjoy]

Okay I am aware that I could be partly at fault.
A relation has recently bought a house and she was on Facebook showing off the new keys and generally saying how happy she is and how good her dh is. Her dh my dn is a hard worker good with saving etc I agreed and said yes your lucky he works hard and us good with moneyto which she said I'm not lucky we both contributed to the house.
I just said fair enough I hadn't meant it like that and I would say no more I was probably a bit sharp I see that now. Then I gets a comment off her 15 year old saying pity I haven't dropped in that luck with a laughing face did I do wrong and deserve this.

Complete non-story.

If they've been together long enough to have a fifteen year old, they're very much a partnership, whoever is contributing what.

My DH's aunt is like this. Except when she needs any wife work doing - then she comes straight to me (even though I redirect her to him every time). And she gave us sexist shite for wedding gifts, and addresses me with his surname, even though I never took it.

Don't treat her as an adjunct to your nephew.

@Mamanyt

Going quite against the tide, here, IF I had read something about someone's wonderful new house, and how good their DH is in the same sentence, I'd have probably read it that DH provided the house, as well. However, I would probably simply responded, "How wonderful for you and your family!"

Not going against the grain! Lovely feedback to a positive post.

This is what most people have insinuated or said x

Family and Facebook fun and nonsense..

Isn’t the 15 year old your nephews child as well? I think he’s just sticking up for his mum but he is being rude. Social media is a minefield and if you know you meant well and weren’t having a dig just let it go. I can see how lucky can be misread and give off gold digger vibes, but if your conscience is clear just leave it.

This reminded me of my PIL in the early years of our relationship/ marriage. If we moved house or one of us got a new car (I bought my own cars btw) I'd get lots of "ooh aren't you a lucky girl? I hope you're grateful to OUR SON for giving you such a lovely life!". Made my blood boil!

Then I overtook him in earning power and they didn't bloody like that either!

Rude rude rude. And they wondered why I didn't like them!

I don't think you're grown up enough for Facebook, OP.

Doesn’t matter about the 15yr old - they are 15. 15 is well old enough to know that you don't kick someone when they are down. If his great aunt has had a bad relationship, is married to a no good or whatever it is downright nasty to post something like that.

I have a higher opinion of what 15 year olds know about behaviour.

If I'd just bought a house with my partner and someone told me I was "lucky" that he was earning well and good with money, I'd be offended. It's a sexist and presumptuous comment. I don't know why you felt the need to say that.

So yeah, probably deserved to be honest.

The 15 year old was definitely out of line, though.

OP that was rude as fuck and I would of been really offended if I was the OH in that scenario and called you out on it.

I think you should apologize to her or she might hold a grudge - that's how bad I think it is.

@Bridezillamaybe

Put the pitchforks away people, it was an accident! She was complimenting her DP, op chimed in but it came out a bit clumsy or hit a nerve.

Op you didn't mean any harm, the comment was misconstrued. I would simply delete the comment and send a pm saying sorry, it came out wrong, the house looks lovely, well deserved.

This is good advice

@NigellaSeed

OP that was rude as fuck and I would of been really offended if I was the OH in that scenario and called you out on it.

I think you should apologize to her or she might hold a grudge - that's how bad I think it is.

Your comment is not very polite either 😂

I think you’re my sexist MIL. Either everything is my DP or if it’s equal I am clearly detracting from DP’s success/manliness

Surely the context is important.

If everyone is already talking about the dn & the OPs just agreeing I don't think it was intentionally rude.

How do you know his finances or how good with money he is?
are you his accountant?

I'm a SAHM working part time from home, My DH has an impressive sounding job and he does work hard but doesnt make as much as you might assume the job title makes.

Hes also fucking shit with money - ALL our savings come from me including the whole house deposit, holiday funds, xmas/birthday savings etc... and I pay half or more of everything 'home' related (he starts off paying half at pay day but runs out of money by the end of the months so I end up paying more).

He just gets himself into debt with his own things (like his car and the stupid expensive phone he had to have) and pays off his old past debts hes still paying from 2 decades ago.

People regularly make snide comments about how I should 'get a job' to 'help out' and its hillarious that they make such incorrect assumptions about our finances but they SEE him physically go to a 9-5 job and me staying at home so they just assume he is the sole breadwinner and I'm home I must mooch.

They are idiots though running their mouth without knowing anything.

@mam0918 but do you describe yourself as a SAHM? Not saying it's right but maybe that's why they assume you don't work.

I'm a SAHM working part time from home,

I work from home p/t & my dc go to school but I describe myself as a working mum (if asked)

Thats the difficulty with Facebook and one reason I left it. Things were so easily misunderstood and before you knew it, there were full scale arguments. My advice, leave Facebook. It causes nothing but grief and in some cases envy. You begin to question your own life and when everyone's life seems better than your own (whether it is or not), discontent begins.

@Clappingforjoy

Not sure what my age has got to so with it

Having a very sexist view that a woman is very lucky to have a man who provides, is sadly still minorly across all generations, but much more predominant in the elderly, as women were treated differently fifty or sixty years plus ago.

Your comment you were unlucky as you didn’t have a man to provide for you this way, indicates you’re either elderly and wish you’d marry “well” and still think thr world works that way, or are younger and lack independence.

Hence rhe question on your age. It’s to determine which bracket you fall into. Sexist and outdated, or younger and bitter.

@Bridezillamaybe

Put the pitchforks away people, it was an accident! She was complimenting her DP, op chimed in but it came out a bit clumsy or hit a nerve.

Op you didn't mean any harm, the comment was misconstrued. I would simply delete the comment and send a pm saying sorry, it came out wrong, the house looks lovely, well deserved.

And this is why every day sexism, racism or any other Ism is still visible today, put them pitch forks away folks. She didn’t mean it.

@ancientgran

Doesn’t matter about the 15yr old - they are 15. 15 is well old enough to know that you don't kick someone when they are down. If his great aunt has had a bad relationship, is married to a no good or whatever it is downright nasty to post something like that.

I have a higher opinion of what 15 year olds know about behaviour.

You and I differ, I would support a 15 year old who sees sexism and stands up to it. All day every day. Every single time.

This reminded me of my PIL in the early years of our relationship/ marriage. If we moved house or one of us got a new car (I bought my own cars btw) I'd get lots of "ooh aren't you a lucky girl? I hope you're grateful to OUR SON for giving you such a lovely life!". Made my blood boil!

That's really weird. I/we are very lucky that DHs parents gave us 250k towards our home but they would never say anything like the above.

It sounded like a sour backhanded compliment so not surprising she didn't take kindly to what you posted. You burst her happy bubble.

It seems to me that like many of us, you spoke without thinking and once it was pointed out how it could be interpreted then you were apologetic. No harm done. The kid was rude (as teenagers often are) but was quite rightly corrected by her parents. It is only all a bit more awkward as it was posted on facebook. No real harm done here, ring up your nephews wife and apologise again and it will be water under the bridge. I don't believe for a minute the you meant anything sexist, you were just wanting to praise her husband.

Generally when someone posts about a new house the replies are: congratulations on your new home, wishing you lots of happiness in it.

What you posted was odd to say the least. I don't understand why you mentioned anything about working hard or money or singled out one person on there achievements on buying the house.

I would delete the comment and give them a call to apologise. Next time keep it simple and not too deep especially on Facebook, the world doesn't need to know who/how they bought a house that's there own personal business.