Did I deserve this

[Clappingforjoy]

Okay I am aware that I could be partly at fault.
A relation has recently bought a house and she was on Facebook showing off the new keys and generally saying how happy she is and how good her dh is. Her dh my dn is a hard worker good with saving etc I agreed and said yes your lucky he works hard and us good with moneyto which she said I'm not lucky we both contributed to the house.
I just said fair enough I hadn't meant it like that and I would say no more I was probably a bit sharp I see that now. Then I gets a comment off her 15 year old saying pity I haven't dropped in that luck with a laughing face did I do wrong and deserve this.

[vodkaredbullgirl]

[Shoxfordian]

Yeah your comment was sexist implying it’s only because he works and not that she contributes also

[SchrodingersMat]

You completely undermined your nephew’s wife and ignored her hard work and contribution. It reminds me of the way my older female relatives bang on endlessly about how amazing my DH is because does 50% childcare, as he should, whilst my contribution goes completely unacknowledged.

[ToastandJamandTea]

You could have praised your nephew privately instead of diminishing his partners equal achievements on Facebook.
A simple "congratulations! I know you have been working hard and I hope you enjoy your new home" would have been kinder.

[MoveOnTheCards]

Why would you feel the need to praise his earning and financial approach at all? Surely the only appropriate response to ‘we got a new house’ is ‘oh lovely!’

[ravelston]

I'm not sure about the 15 years olds comment, but I'd be pretty annoyed if I was your relative, there was no need to say what you said

[Curiosity101]

Without seeing the exact comments and wording it's hard to say. But on the face of it "yes your lucky he works hard and is good with money" is an odd comment to make. Most people would just congratulate the couple as a whole rather than specifically picking out something (or in this case someone) to praise. By definition by calling her lucky and focusing on why it implies she had no part in their joint success - which if interpreted that way would be offensive.

I also wouldn't have followed up with "fair enough I hadn't meant it like that and I would say no more" as that adds fuel to the fire IMO. I'd have gone with "Of course! Congratulations, wishing you many happy years in your new home".

It reminds me of my dad at Christmas. "What happened to the roast potatoes last Christmas. These are much better than last Christmas's" (or words to that effect). He was trying to say "These potatoes are nice", but in the end (unintentially) managed to word it to cause offence. I'm used to him so shrugged it off and pointed out most people would probably have just said "These are really nice, thank you" rather than making a comparison 😂

It sounds like your DN's partner and 15 year old took offence (understandably) at your comment. Still the 15 year old shouldn't have gone out of their way to message you, I wouldn't go as far as saying you deserved that.

[Saoirse82]

People are so harsh on here, I honestly doubt they'd be so rude in real life, if you post on aibu the majority will say your in the wrong no matter what you ask!
Yes, things can be misconstrued and seem harsh when they were written down when they weren't meant that way, you clearly didn't mean any harm. I'm confused as to what her 15 year old said though. I'd just put it down to experience and move on from it.

[catfunk]

'You are lucky, and he's lucky to have you too 🥰. Congratulations both of you, hope you're very happy in your new home'
HTH

[Pingued]

their 15 year old says to me on Facebook its a pity I haven't been so unlucky still don't understand sorry, but yeah 15 year old should just stay out of it. You were incredibly insulting to just praise your nephew and ignore her hard work. It comes across as very sexist.

[Beckhamsmetatarsal]

Your comment was rude, it's not luck that they got the house they have both worked for it and it would piss me off if I received the same comment. By just directing the comment at your nephew you are excluding his partner, not only as a contributor but as part of the family.

Her child is being a child, but personally I would tell my child i didn't think their comment was appropriate even if I understood why they wrote it.

[Beckhamsmetatarsal]

Their child is being a child* doh

[peboh]

Yeah your comment was bizarre honestly. They've both worked towards the house, so you 'congratulations, good luck in your new home' I get why you put it, you're proud of your DN, however it comes across that he's the only reason they're in the position to have a new home, so I can imagine his wife was frustrated to have that written on her wall. The child was silly to get involved, but if he's seen his mum upset he was probably just trying to protect her in his own way.

[AnyOldLion]

Your comment comes across as quite sexist. As if the man working hard = home ownership.

How old are you?

[ForeverSausages]

I do think it's a really weird thing to say. It sounds like it was because of the nephew working hard that they had managed to buy a house? And why does that make her lucky? Because he works hard? I'd have taken it exactly as she did.

[Clappingforjoy]

Okay points taken i had congratulated them both previously and apparently I had hit on a nerve with his dp because she had people previously saying stuff that sounded like a one sided praise.

[Thehogfatherstolemycurry]

Your comment was rude and sexist, it sounds like you were implying that she's some sort of gold digger.

However the 15 year old should not have butted in, they were rude too.

[MakeMineALarge1]

They aren't lucky, they have worked and saved hard for it.

[Bluntness100]

Yeah you deserved that. You made out she was only there because he was providing, totally over looked her contribution and then made a bitter comment that you weren’t as lucky as her, I assume to find such a man who would provide for you

It’s like something out the fifties and such a sexist thing to think never mind post on social media.

[Anonymous48]

@Howshouldibehave

Can you type exactly what everyone posted?

That might help, but to be honest I'd be surprised.

[Clappingforjoy]

My nephew did make his 15 year old delete her comment to me and told her it wasn't acceptable.

[Bluntness100]

Op, how old are you?

[QueenBee52]

@Clappingforjoy

I was just following on from previous messages really where she was agreeing with people that yes she is lucky he is a keeper I didn't mean it the way it was taken

I agree ... you were agreeing with what SHE herself posted ..

She's a Knob and her DS's a brat..

block the lot of them 🌸

[JustLyra]

Your comment was rude and sexist. The teenager was sticking up for his Mum in a teenage way. Yes the teen was rude, but you were massively rude.

[paddlingon]

The 15 year old was definitely rude. I'm glad your nephew got her to delete it.

Your comment was very sexist and dismissive of the female partner, I'm not surprised she was a bit fed up with it.