Did I deserve this

[Clappingforjoy]

Okay I am aware that I could be partly at fault.
A relation has recently bought a house and she was on Facebook showing off the new keys and generally saying how happy she is and how good her dh is. Her dh my dn is a hard worker good with saving etc I agreed and said yes your lucky he works hard and us good with moneyto which she said I'm not lucky we both contributed to the house.
I just said fair enough I hadn't meant it like that and I would say no more I was probably a bit sharp I see that now. Then I gets a comment off her 15 year old saying pity I haven't dropped in that luck with a laughing face did I do wrong and deserve this.

[AcrossthePond55]

Whether one partner/spouse is a 'working spouse' or a 'stay at home spouse' BOTH should be congratulated on a house purchase. Because either a working spouse contributed monetarily or a stay at home spouse contributed 'in kind' by carrying the household load.

I was a 'working spouse', DSis was a 'stay at home'. I never felt I had more 'ownership' in my home than she did hers simply because I put 'cold hard cash' into it and she 'only' contributed by carrying all the household duties which enabled my BiL to buy a home on one salary.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

@MrsPsmalls

Nope youre fine op and she is incredibly needy. SHE started it. SHE said it was because of her great partner (your nephew). You joined in and said yes he is great isn't he and she turned on you! She sounds like a proper silly twerp and her 15 year old hasn't fallen far from the tree!

Saying her dh is good and she is happy doesn't in any way say "it's because of him we have this"

[EmoIsntDead]

You’re post definitely came across as you were insinuating your nephew bought the house, not her.

Saying she was ‘lucky’ that your DN works hard suggests she doesn’t also contribute. You’re making her sound like a gold digger or a ‘kept woman’. Very sexist and insulting.

I’d be royally pissed off if someone wrote this to me too, my DH and I BOTH work hard for the nice things we have.

And I don’t believe for a minute that you didn’t mean it as it came across.

[EmoIsntDead]

*Your post. Fecking autocorrect 😫

[Looubylou]

She's a tad touchy and hard work I'm guessing - and in terms of her daughter the apple obviously hasn't fell far from the tree. She mentioned how good her husband was - you were just agreeing. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[housemdwaswrong]

@SchrodingersImmigrant
I think people should be calling out when someone puts them down.

Yeah, maybe, if you can be doing with drama. Personally, it wouldn't worry me enough to call it out. Each to their own I guess. I'd be more inclined to think 'oh, here she goes again', and file it under bigging her nephew up rather a slight on me. I couldn't be doing with drama. If you called out everyone all the time on everything, life would be one big calling out session. I don't have the room for that. It would obviously be more important to you.

[EmoIsntDead]

@Clappingforjoy

Okay points taken i had congratulated them both previously and apparently I had hit on a nerve with his dp because she had people previously saying stuff that sounded like a one sided praise.

Oh FGS, you haven’t ‘hit a nerve’, you’ve been really rude!

[HopeYourHighHorseBucks]

She said it first and agreed with others when they said the same as you. Sounds like she took it personal from you, have you had issues before.


A comment like that from MIL I would know wasn't meant sarcy, but from DPs cousin (just using my own examples) I would know she was trying to be a bit sarcy, because of the relationship we have. Just a thought.

[Suzi888]

@Saoirse82

People are so harsh on here, I honestly doubt they'd be so rude in real life, if you post on aibu the majority will say your in the wrong no matter what you ask!
Yes, things can be misconstrued and seem harsh when they were written down when they weren't meant that way, you clearly didn't mean any harm. I'm confused as to what her 15 year old said though. I'd just put it down to experience and move on from it.

^ this

[Tombero]

I once had an unemployed cock lodger living with me. I bought myself a new top and his mum said “ooh, been out spending my sons money I see”.

I know you didn’t mean it nastily but your comment reminded me of that.

[misssunshine4040]

@Clappingforjoy

I was praising my nephew basically and saying he is good with money and hardworking but his dp thinks that people are forgetting that she has contributed as well to the new house. So I explained it wasn't meant as just praising my nephew so their 15 year old says to me on Facebook its a pity I haven't been so unlucky

You were very rude. There is no other way that would read other than he is a hard worker and she wouldn't be in the position she is without him and is lucky.
She would have assumed everyone reading the post would think the same.
Why did you feel the need to do that?

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

I'd have said
"I was agreeing with you?"

[Pepsi9090]

You were rude and sexist OP.

I'd have been much ruder in my reply than her! I have some backward family members like you, always implying we live our nice off DPs money, when I work hard with my own decent career, money, and savings. We don't share finances at all! I understand why she is infuriated

[leopardspotsdotdotdot]

Yes you deserved it.


All my life people have said I’m ‘lucky’ given someone else credit, not really understood the sacrifices and hard work.

If someone posts something positive and you give a backhanded compliment, it comes across as hurtful and snide

[MargeGoesBowling]

You were being snide.

Is the 15 year old your nephew’s?

[leopardspotsdotdotdot]

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I cannot imagine how anyone would take this ok even here🙈

pic of housekey
"New home, great day, and amazing DH. Life can be good"

"Congrats! And yeah he is a keeper!" "Ta! Yeah. Love him to bits"
"Omg congrats! Yeah he is great xx" "ta! My man lol"
"Wow! Amazing!" "Ta!"
"You are very lucky he is hardworking and good with saving"

This is how I imagine it went

Agree and really bad manners even if unintentional

[HoliHormonalTigerlilly]

This is why facebook is shit.
Best only to ever say very clearly lovely stuff folks!
Very easy for things to be misconstrued 🤷🏻‍♀️

[BumbleFlump]

YNBU She is a twat for showing off about it on Facebook

[leopardspotsdotdotdot]

@BumbleFlump

YNBU She is a twat for showing off about it on Facebook

Ha! Quite

However two wrongs don’t make a right

[HoliHormonalTigerlilly]

@SpiderinaWingMirror

I'd have said
"I was agreeing with you?"

This!

[girlmom21]

I can't believe how many people are insulting the teenager but not the OP.

The OP was rude and dismissive. The teenager was standing up for her mom.
She was rude in the way she did it but someone had been rude to her mom first.

[JudgeJ]

@princesslarmadrama

Yes you were very rude and need to apologise!

No she wasn't, the woman with the keys said how good her DH is and the reply merely mirrored that.
Is there an Olympic event in Forensic Reading, MN would win the gold medal!

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Text is an odd medium. Without tone of voice, non-verbal gestures etc meaning can easily be misconstrued.

If you value the relationship I'd recommend apologising. Usually that will be taken in the spirit of the relationship in its entirety. If she's continually deflecting PA jabs from her partner's family she'll know it and respond accordingly. If was a mistake she'll likely know that too.

In whichever instance, DN's DP was not being unreasonable to challenge this. I would have, too.

[CustardySergeant]

@Howshouldibehave

My sister nephews dm said

?!

Your sister’s, nephew’s mum said…

Yes, I couldn't get my head round that either.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

No she wasn't, the woman with the keys said how good her DH is and the reply merely mirrored that.
Is there an Olympic event in Forensic Reading, MN would win the gold medal!

Agreeing that someone is great doesn't mean you go and start talking about their money skills...