Did I deserve this

[Clappingforjoy]

Okay I am aware that I could be partly at fault.
A relation has recently bought a house and she was on Facebook showing off the new keys and generally saying how happy she is and how good her dh is. Her dh my dn is a hard worker good with saving etc I agreed and said yes your lucky he works hard and us good with moneyto which she said I'm not lucky we both contributed to the house.
I just said fair enough I hadn't meant it like that and I would say no more I was probably a bit sharp I see that now. Then I gets a comment off her 15 year old saying pity I haven't dropped in that luck with a laughing face did I do wrong and deserve this.

[Aprilx]

You didn’t partly deserve that, you fully deserved it. You were unbelievably rude.

I can make no sense of the bit about the 15 year old though “pity I haven’t dropped in that luck”. Eh?

[toolazytothinkofausername]

This is why gen X don't use Facebook.

[Clappingforjoy]

Think I'm rambling here and confusing people

[Clappingforjoy]

Anyway thanks for the input guys

[LH1987]

You weren’t nice OP, it wasn’t necessary to say that. I’m sure you didn’t mean to be mean though, and it will all blow over soon enough! I think we are all guilty occasionally of writing something on social media or mumsnet without thinking of how the other person might feel.

[Franklyfrost]

Did the kid mean ‘It’s a pity you weren’t so lucky’ because you didn’t contribute to your household’s income and so never bought a house? I don’t get it.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@Clappingforjoy

Think I'm rambling here and confusing people

You are confusing people. And if we're confused, and you muddle opposite words like unlucky and lucky, people will misunderstand what you're saying on social media. Best to stick to, "awesome" and no more.

I do think there are a couple of issues with what you said. First, sexism about her contribution as others have said. But also the feeling that women are 'lucky' to have a decent partner. That should be standard. And it's not luck, it's judgement and boundaries (barring abuse of course). Which we fail to teach well so people see it was luck.

[Hopdathelf]

So rude of you.

[DoubleTweenQueen]

@Clappingforjoy It’s all a bit unfortunate, if she and others were also lavishing praise in dn’s direction - so in that context, your comment was in a similar vein but perhaps unfortunately worded, so was taken as part criticism of her?
I think you should delete your comment - perhaps re-write something lighter - but definitely private message to dn’s dp to apologise for any offence that truly wasn’t meant.

Silly to cause bad feeling in a family unnecessarily.

[gamerchick]

Next time just say congrats OP.

She's a bit of an idiot for posting the keys on SM though considering they can be copied from a picture these days.

[Cryalot2]

You praised your nephew which was lovely. Sadly it was on fb . That was the problem . Fb is one of those places for memes and show offs and over run with kids.
You meant well.
The teenager was v rude.
Social media is crazy and can be so cruel.
If you had sent your nephew
private message or text then it would have just been between you both.
Don't worry.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

@gamerchick

Next time just say congrats OP.

She's a bit of an idiot for posting the keys on SM though considering they can be copied from a picture these days.

I posted keys. Not an idiot.
Everyone changes the lock right away, don't they? Wo old key I got from EA would be for exactly nothing

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

@Cryalot2

You praised your nephew which was lovely. Sadly it was on fb . That was the problem . Fb is one of those places for memes and show offs and over run with kids.
You meant well.
The teenager was v rude.
Social media is crazy and can be so cruel.
If you had sent your nephew
private message or text then it would have just been between you both.
Don't worry.

It's not a problem that it was on FB...
The problem is that talking about his fiances in this way when I highly doubt the praise from wife/dp was "he is so great with moneeeh".
You just don't do that on fb or in real life.

[Chikapu]

Saying you're lucky he works hard totally makes it sounds like he alone bought the house. I'd have been a bit pissy about your comment too.

[HOkieCOkie]

This is why Facebook is so silly! Just stick to genetic comments! Or private message ppl

[LtDansleg]

Don’t play dumb op, you knew exactly what you were doing. Pissing all over her good news with that nasty comment

[CaraherEIL]

I hate this entrenched sexist attitude that some older women seem to have that they use to put down younger women. It seems designed to keep women in a disempowered and submissive role that should remain way back in the dark ages. I would be really offended by that comment too. They have bought their property jointly surely your darling nephew is equally lucky to have ended up with his partner. I hate that whole, make sure you look after him, what a lucky girl, he’s a keeper BS anyway. It is a partnership you are surely both looking after each other.

[Blackberrybunnet]

It's a real shame she reacted so adversely to what sounded to me like a message simply agreeing with what she said. She is super touchy for some reason (there's got to be more to this than meets the eye). Yes, your wording could be taken to suggest it was he who bought the house, but only if you want to read it that way.

[rainbowunicorn]

You were rude OP. To be honest if you write on facebook the way you have on here then you should just come off. You are making no sense with your sisters, nephews, mother etc.

[AnyOldLion]

@CaraherEIL

I hate this entrenched sexist attitude that some older women seem to have that they use to put down younger women. It seems designed to keep women in a disempowered and submissive role that should remain way back in the dark ages. I would be really offended by that comment too. They have bought their property jointly surely your darling nephew is equally lucky to have ended up with his partner. I hate that whole, make sure you look after him, what a lucky girl, he’s a keeper BS anyway. It is a partnership you are surely both looking after each other.

👍

[MrsTerryPratchett]

surely your darling nephew is equally lucky to have ended up with his partner.

And I would argue that it's more polite to compliment the non-family member. I know it is in my family.

[BakedTattie]

I think you knew exactly what you were doing and saying. Rude, passive aggressive, sexist and a quite mean.

Own it, apologise, learn from it, move on.

[PieceOfString]

Some people take a compliment to one as an insult to themselves.
Intentions are kindly meant when you are recording pride in your DN, and thinking only of that in your mind, you weren't thinking of how someone could take it as a backhanded insult.
Sadly. In her shoes I'd have given you the benefit of the doubt unless you had gotten for being snide and then I'd probably just cold shoulder you.
It's just a misunderstanding and I've you'll be way of next time. Just have a chat with her or send a message to mend it and require your intentions were not to exclude her.
Lucky is such a contentious word for some. To me it is the equivalent of meaning something wonderful has happened, an opportunity you have taken and doesn't imply lack of effort or deserving of the lucky person. To others it means you have had some unwarranted good thing happen that you played no part in earning.
Think you fell into a gap in communication which maybe you wouldn't if you were wiser, but traps catch the unwary, doesn't mean you're a bad person

[Whiskycav]

Whilst technically you seemed to be agreeing you weren't.

She was saying she was lucky to have dh because he jointly contributing to this thing with her. They worked as a team and she was praising him.

You then said he worked hard and was good with money, so was actually just praising him and discounting her contribution.

[PieceOfString]

Omg. So many autocorrect errors! Thought I'd checked as I went along too! 🙄