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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I deserve this

214 replies

Clappingforjoy · 25/07/2021 15:06

Okay I am aware that I could be partly at fault.
A relation has recently bought a house and she was on Facebook showing off the new keys and generally saying how happy she is and how good her dh is. Her dh my dn is a hard worker good with saving etc I agreed and said yes your lucky he works hard and us good with moneyto which she said I'm not lucky we both contributed to the house.
I just said fair enough I hadn't meant it like that and I would say no more I was probably a bit sharp I see that now. Then I gets a comment off her 15 year old saying pity I haven't dropped in that luck with a laughing face did I do wrong and deserve this.

OP posts:

funinthesun19 · 25/07/2021 17:50

I can't believe how many people are insulting the teenager but not the OP.

The 15 year old was shit stirring. And her comment makes no sense if she’s trying to stick up for her mum anyway as she’s basically saying her mum has got lucky.

godmum56 · 25/07/2021 17:54

I yhink you should just do an Elsa about this one

slashlover · 25/07/2021 17:55

My sister nephews dm said

Your sister’s, nephew’s mum said…

Yes, I couldn't get my head round that either.

I think there's punctuation missing, I read it as my sister, nephew's mum said... so her nephew is her sister's son. Although if OP types on FB like she does here then I'm surprised more of her comments aren't misunderstood.

DingDongThongs · 25/07/2021 17:57

fb sux!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2021 17:58

It's not fb😂 It's the user

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2021 17:58

Normally this OP isn't this confusing if I remember correctly

AlbertBridge · 25/07/2021 18:01

Then I gets a comment off her 15 year old saying pity I haven't dropped in that luck with a laughing face did I do wrong and deserve this.

????

ancientgran · 25/07/2021 18:05

What was the 15 year old getting at? Do you not have a good partner or a nice house? If that's what they mean they are the ones who need to be told to behave.

pinkcircustop · 25/07/2021 18:06

YABU and very rude.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2021 18:09

I think it's pretty clear the 15 year old was insinuating OP is jealous so is making these remarks.

leopardspotsdotdotdot · 25/07/2021 18:09

@ancientgran

What was the 15 year old getting at? Do you not have a good partner or a nice house? If that's what they mean they are the ones who need to be told to behave.

Doesn’t matter about the 15yr old - they are 15.

Adults should know better. You congratulate even boasty posts, and don’t post comments that insult or belittle others on a public social forum (unspoken rules)

stellaisabella · 25/07/2021 18:10

You saw his partner on Facebook and it annoyed you for some reason, so decided to rain on her parade by saying they wouldn't have it if it wasn't for your nephew.
Nephews 15 yr old stood up for her mum.
You were incredibly rude. Sounds exactly like something my in-laws would say, they constantly comment on how amazing my Dh is, amazing dad works so hard, and it's completely true. However they purposely overlook me, even to the point they won't even admit my children look like me. So having been on her side, yes I completely understand why she would be annoyed. You were awful.

Maggiesfarm · 25/07/2021 18:12

I took it that she said her husband was great and you agreed with her.

Honestly, messages.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 25/07/2021 18:12

you were so oldfashioned, what a wind up

Hannayeah · 25/07/2021 18:12

“ You were very rude. There is no other way that would read other than he is a hard worker and she wouldn't be in the position she is without him and is lucky.
She would have assumed everyone reading the post would think the same.”

When someone compliments my DH and says I’m lucky to have him, I just agree. I am fortunate! He’s awesome and I would not have the home I have without him. He wouldn’t either and we both know this and appreciate one another. He doesn’t get mad if someone tells him he’s lucky or points out my good qualities either.

So yes, I think you got some kind of a nerve and know you know. Maybe there’s a prior issue with her and your family, and she feels less for some reason.

Also, obviously she was whining about it to her teenager.

Hannayeah · 25/07/2021 18:13

*hit a nerve

diamondpony80 · 25/07/2021 18:18

If my in-laws said something like that I would definitely take it as a dig at my expense. It's the kind of thing they'd say (although not as public as posting it on social media) and having contributed financially to everything we have, I'd be really pissed off. She had every right to stand up for herself. The 15 year old was rude and shouldn't have got involved, but you did make a rather insulting comment to her mother.

me4real · 25/07/2021 18:18

Then I gets a comment off her 15 year old saying pity I haven't dropped in that luck with a laughing face did I do wrong and deserve this.

@AlbertBridge and all- for people who are confused about what the 15 year old meant, she was reponding to the implication they thought OP made in her comment, regardless of whether they agreed with it themselves.

'Pretty you didn't have such luck, then'= Presumably OP is single or has a partner they don't see as as prudent and hard working etc/see as a bit crap.

lazyarse123 · 25/07/2021 18:20

It sounded to me as if you were agreeing with her that her dh is good, not dismissing her contribution. People are so easily offended especially by what they perceive as sexist shite when it's not meant that way.

Bridezillamaybe · 25/07/2021 18:20

Put the pitchforks away people, it was an accident! She was complimenting her DP, op chimed in but it came out a bit clumsy or hit a nerve.

Op you didn't mean any harm, the comment was misconstrued. I would simply delete the comment and send a pm saying sorry, it came out wrong, the house looks lovely, well deserved.

Mamanyt · 25/07/2021 18:22

Going quite against the tide, here, IF I had read something about someone's wonderful new house, and how good their DH is in the same sentence, I'd have probably read it that DH provided the house, as well. However, I would probably simply responded, "How wonderful for you and your family!"

NowEvenBetter · 25/07/2021 18:24

It would help if you typed more clearly, OP. Used basic punctuation and actual words, since the convoluted ways you all know each other goes beyond the usual DB/DM. Sisters nephews what?

Maggiesfarm · 25/07/2021 18:28

I'm not sure facebook is the best means of communication.
It's like when we post on here, some things come out clumsily and misunderstandings occur. Then others don't believe it's a misunderstanding, they think it's deliberate!

You said you hadn't meant it 'like that', just leave it there op. They know you and will see it differently in the morning.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2021 18:33

I have a feeling it's not first time they clashed though... Or something was "aaid accidentally"

millenialblush · 25/07/2021 18:34

This triggers all the feelings I had towards my MIL when she used to say I was 'lucky' to have my DH after he gave our baby twins a bath, after I had been looking after them alone all day. Dismissing a woman's input and patting the man on the head for doing a good job.. please.

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