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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:41

The changing rooms were round a corner so the men wouldn’t have seen anything but they would have been able to hear the discussions about size/fit etc

OP posts:
onelittlefrog · 25/07/2021 10:42

It wouldn't bother me. I think you're overreacting.

Soubriquet · 25/07/2021 10:42

You are being a little unreasonable as obviously you can’t tell men they shouldn’t be sitting there waiting

But I do get where you come from. A young girl is going to feel awkward hanging bras over to be seen in the full view of men

2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl · 25/07/2021 10:43

I’d be annoyed at having to stand while that lot hogged the sofas and I get why your daughter was uncomfortable, I would have been too as a teenager. My partner is like yours- if I was going to try on bras he’d have gone elsewhere to do his own thing rather than follow me round and then met up later. And he’d have taken the kids with him.

The staff probably weren’t pleased they were there either as I’m sure 3 blokes hanging around and no seats available would have out off potential customers who saw that and walked out without trying on or buying anything.

BlueSurfer · 25/07/2021 10:43

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing

It comes across to me that you are embarrassed by it though and you will pass this on to your DD.

Nitgel · 25/07/2021 10:45

I dont get men sitting around changing rooms anywhere. Just go to another shop! I hate that John lewis has a sofa for then to sit on while they wait right outside the changing rooms too.

Saidtoomuch · 25/07/2021 10:46

I don't think men being there is unnecessary or inappropriate. Perhaps a suggestion could be made to the shop to move the seating area away from the changing rooms, especially if its just a curtain between trying on a bra and a mens seating area?

cookiecreampie · 25/07/2021 10:46

You're overreacting. They couldn't see anything, probably couldn't hear anything and if they did hear snippets, probably didn't care.

lannistunut · 25/07/2021 10:47

I think it is odd for the men to stay there, yes. My DH would just instinctively give people privacy around the changing rooms I think.

Notimeforaname · 25/07/2021 10:47

The sofas outside arent specifically for men...

WomanStanleyWoman · 25/07/2021 10:48

YABU. The crux of your argument is basically ‘OMG, a man knows that my daughter wears a bra!’

SpindleWhorl · 25/07/2021 10:50

@2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl

I’d be annoyed at having to stand while that lot hogged the sofas and I get why your daughter was uncomfortable, I would have been too as a teenager. My partner is like yours- if I was going to try on bras he’d have gone elsewhere to do his own thing rather than follow me round and then met up later. And he’d have taken the kids with him.

The staff probably weren’t pleased they were there either as I’m sure 3 blokes hanging around and no seats available would have out off potential customers who saw that and walked out without trying on or buying anything.

I agree with this.
mummog · 25/07/2021 10:51

@Nitgel

I dont get men sitting around changing rooms anywhere. Just go to another shop! I hate that John lewis has a sofa for then to sit on while they wait right outside the changing rooms too.
I like to ask my hubby his opinion on my clothes/ fit etc. He might like to be somewhere else but i want him there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Obviously i can't walk out and show him a new bra but other clothes, sure.

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/07/2021 10:53

Men have fetsished breasts since time began. Just ask any school girl that has them.

Of course it's going to be a bit uncomfortable that there are male strangers outside listening to every word she says whether that's the intention of being there or not.

Of course it's the ops fault for being a prude rather than the mens fault fir not going to go get a coffee rather than hang around in a lingerie shop Hmm

I'd probably be a bit wary too tbh. Whether or not they are technically doing any thing wrong by being there.

SchrodingersMat · 25/07/2021 10:54

I think it depends on how they behave. I was in the lingerie department of M&S the other day and there was this gross old bloke just loitering and really obviously watching all the women going around picking up bras, that is not ok. But someone dealing with kids or own their phone minding their own business is fine.

Shelovesamystery · 25/07/2021 10:55

This wouldn't bother me but it would have as a teenage girl so I definitely see your point.

CliftonGreenYork · 25/07/2021 10:57

Some girls don't have a mother to take them shopping. So should men be banned from 'womens' stores then?

reluctantbrit · 25/07/2021 10:58

DH waited several times for me at Bravissimo when we were both in town.

DD will also be soon a Bravissimo customer and I teach her that buying bras is like buying shoes, you need what fits and it is not embarrassing at all.

I very much doubt any man is interested in knowing your bra size. In most places the men never look up from their phones any way.

Dntevenknowit · 25/07/2021 10:59

@WomanStanleyWoman

YABU. The crux of your argument is basically ‘OMG, a man knows that my daughter wears a bra!’
Absolutely agree! Ridiculous. Maybe they should put a ‘no men’ boundary in a big circle around the store.

Women are all walking round in bras all day with men nearby - just because its a changing room it is no different.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 25/07/2021 11:03

It doesn’t bother me at all.

But my dad was the only person who could take me bra shopping as a kid, and I’m 100% sure he’d rather have stabbed pins in his eyes, but there was no one else.

I’ve never seen anyone sitting on the sofas waiting for someone else, male or female, be overly interested in what anyone is trying on or what conversations are happening in the changing rooms… they are usually bored and glued to their phones.

I’d be really careful not to pass on embarrassment and the feeling that the men shouldn’t be there tk your daughter. God knows; it’s quite possible more men will be in lingerie shops as time goes on, looking at society right now… try to get her to see it the same as buying shoes or food or whatever.

BlueSurfer · 25/07/2021 11:04

@CliftonGreenYork

Some girls don't have a mother to take them shopping. So should men be banned from 'womens' stores then?
Some men want to wear bras as well. Presumably all should be banned from the shops on the basis of some of these posts.
NerrSnerr · 25/07/2021 11:04

I really don't understand the issue with the kids being there asking questions about bras. My 6 year old is always asking about my bras and I answer her honestly- she'll be wearing them soon enough.

WomanStanleyWoman · 25/07/2021 11:04

Of course it's the ops fault for being a prude rather than the mens fault fir not going to go get a coffee rather than hang around in a lingerie shop Hmm

Well yes, it is actually. How long would they even be there for? Five or ten minutes? It’s not going to be worth going for a coffee. The whole point of a waiting area is that people wait in it. The name should have tipped you off.

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/07/2021 11:06

I’ve discovered that a lot of women are very keen to have their partner/husband within striking distance at all times - it’s very possible the men had been told to sit there and wait by their OHs whilst they were trying things on.

Zilla1 · 25/07/2021 11:07

What would you want a child with only a father to do, OP? Separate waiting area for men or no men allowed?