Men in lingerie shops

[Woolywolf]

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

' skipped about 6 pages but men absolutely have to stop fettishising breasts and teenage girls before teenage girls become comfortable talking about their breasts in front of men.'

Totally agree.

Also- Topshop had communal changing when I was young! It was hideous.

@Mockolate

Just get rid of All sofas then so nobody can hang around women’s changing rooms and why not ask for photo ID as well.

Yes.
Ban sofas.
#DownWithThisSortOfThing

😂

@Shadedog

I would have been totally chill with this at 15. I went to a girls school and only have sisters and I thought the attention I got from adult men was funny (and they were a bit sad). I was liberal and progressive and certainly no prude. Fast forward a couple of years, a couple of sexual assaults, one rape, more catcalls and gropes than I can count plus a summer job in house of Fraser (not Ann summers) underwear dept and by 18 it’s not funny anymore. Fucking hate men loitering around womens changing areas. I totally don’t understand why “nice” men would think it appropriate and get pissed of by the privilege and audacity of both men and women who have the luxury of not having to think about it. It’s not like huge swathes of men being perverts or sexual offenders and huge swathes of women being victims is a secret. Not my Nigel though. There was a topshop in my university town where you had to go through a chicane of about 20 sofas of pisstaking youths. I’ve skipped about 6 pages but men absolutely have to stop fettishising breasts and teenage girls before teenage girls become comfortable talking about their breasts in front of men.

I'm so sorry you've coped with such horrendous experiences, and I had so, so, SO hoped that things were better for girls now. Of course, that's stupid - evidence to a Parliamentary Select Committee a few years ago noted that it's become far worse, and online porn is part of that. I hate that this is the world that's been created for young women, and it's even worse than the one we grew up in. Which was bad enough - dirty old men started perving on my chest when I was in primary school, and that was in the last century.

So, I actually went to Bravissimo the other day (this thread reminded me I really needed a new bra).

Due to the Covid-safety measures they have in store, they radioed to check it was OK for me to go downstairs before I did. There was therefore NO ONE hanging around outside the changing rooms - not another woman, not another man, nor anyone in-between.

I felt a bit sick in the changing rooms because it had been a while since I'd worn a cloth face mask over a disposable one, and I'd forgotten that they're harder to breathe through, but that was my own fault.

My boobs look great now, btw. I felt a bit bleeeugh beforehand, but I now have a nice new bra that gives me so much support I feel smug.

I overhead bits of (female) conversations in the changing rooms, but I only actually saw two other customers. Unsurprisingly, with it being Bravissimo, at any one point, most customers were in the changing rooms trying on bras. Hardly anyone on the shop floor, and no one waiting around.

I don't think Bravissimo needs rules to be a female-friendly space, it is just is. That's always been my experience, and that didn't change this week.