Men in lingerie shops

[Woolywolf]

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

quite a lot of naive responses on this thread.

Mnay men are really disgusting about young girls/women and their breasts. They get off on making the female feel awkward.

I grew breasts that have ben oversized all my life and mens reactions are ridiculous. I had to be over 30 years ol to be able to take it in my stride.
Pervy men give off a strong perve vibe. Fact. and Young girls are sensitive as others PPs have said they will already have had disgusting things said, or been groped, I guess it is less of an issue if you are less well endowed.

Are we banning husbands and fathers from beaches too? Just asking so I can explain to my 4 daughters why their dads not allowed on the beach or at swimming pools anymore.....after all is a woman in a bikini or swimming costume any different to lingerie?

Making a problem out of a perceived fear of a man waiting for his wife or daughter in the Tesco clothing section? After all they sell bras too.....it's not a secret that women wear underwear it's the 21st century we don't get blue water periods either and I'm pretty sure most men realise this too.

@CandidaAlbicans2

To be honest I'm so fed up of pervy letchy men that I no longer want any man in female spaces, and that includes anywhere near changing rooms. This is especially so in lingerie shops, because men have fetishised breasts so much that bra shopping is a bit more of a sensitive area for many than buying a skirt for example. As PPs have said, teen girls are frequently ogled and leered at by older men, so I can see how a self conscious teen would feel even more uncomfortable if there were men around when buying undies.

Pervy and letchy or wet. There’s no need for men to be in bra shops.

@JustGiveMeGin

Does no one buy their husbands/partners boxers? Should women be banned from the men's underwear section in case we embarrass them? Or should we just teach our daughters that it is just an item of clothing and it really doesn't matter who is around when we buy them 🤔

You don't try boxers on, you just find your size and go, same as women do.

I don’t mind men in lingerie departments of department stores. I think you get the occasional pervert but most are buying presents for partners which is fine-they are just customers.
I think bravissimo/specific bra fitting rooms is a bit different though because the men are not customers/using the service. It is an area specifically for women to try on bras and discuss their fit-there is nothing for the men to be browsing/buying as customers in their own right so I think it’s just unnecessary for them to be there

OP lingerie shops aren’t really marketed for teen girls getting fittings though. Their target audience is definitely adult couples spicing up their sex life - hence why they allow partners to wait outside etc. Teens aren’t their priority unfortunately

Would me nice to not have the seating area right outside the changing rooms. Could be moved some else in the store.

All you can do is raise a complaint with the store’s head office and see if anything changes the next time you’re in

@thinkingaboutitall

OP lingerie shops aren’t really marketed for teen girls getting fittings though. Their target audience is definitely adult couples spicing up their sex life - hence why they allow partners to wait outside etc. Teens aren’t their priority unfortunately

You often need bra shops for smaller back sizes and to be fitted properly.

No, never felt the need to ask a man's opinion on my clothes.

Me either.

*Have you never popped out of the changing room to ask a partner’s opinion?

No, I have a mind of my own. And I dress for myself, not for anyone else.

What does "hogging the sofa' meaning?

Is it a female only sofa.?
Do women still expect men to stand up so they can sit down?

Surely the person that gets to the sofa first gers to sit on it?

What world do sone people live on?

@MissCherryCakeyBun

Are we banning husbands and fathers from beaches too? Just asking so I can explain to my 4 daughters why their dads not allowed on the beach or at swimming pools anymore.....after all is a woman in a bikini or swimming costume any different to lingerie?

Making a problem out of a perceived fear of a man waiting for his wife or daughter in the Tesco clothing section? After all they sell bras too.....it's not a secret that women wear underwear it's the 21st century we don't get blue water periods either and I'm pretty sure most men realise this too.

I can't believe you've posted such an utterly tone-deaf, excusing comment that just misses the point entirely. A beach is not a woman's space specifically - a women's changing room is.

I hope you've wised up by the time your daughter approaches puberty.

@HundredMilesAnHour

*Have you never popped out of the changing room to ask a partner’s opinion?

No, I have a mind of my own. And I dress for myself, not for anyone else.

You can do both, you know. I always ask my mum / a friend etc if I can't decide between two things.

YABU and completely ridiculous.

Being embarrassed because you are seen carrying a pack of bras to be tried on? Honestly, no.

@thinkingaboutitall

OP lingerie shops aren’t really marketed for teen girls getting fittings though. Their target audience is definitely adult couples spicing up their sex life - hence why they allow partners to wait outside etc. Teens aren’t their priority unfortunately

Bravissimo is more about getting right size bras especially for women with larger breast - Ann summers you'd have a point.

lingerie shops aren’t really marketed for teen girls getting fittings though. Their target audience is definitely adult couples spicing up their sex life

Every time I've been to Rigby & Peller in Knightsbridge, it has been women of all ages going there to get fitted for bras. No sign of 'adult couples spicing up their sex lifes'. Are you sure you're not getting confused with Ann Summers?

A beach is not a woman's space specifically - a women's changing room is.

but they won't IN the changing room, were they. They're just waiting outside.

No one is forcing you to step out of your cubicle and look at yourself in the communal mirror.

@HundredMilesAnHour

*Have you never popped out of the changing room to ask a partner’s opinion?

No, I have a mind of my own. And I dress for myself, not for anyone else.

What an odd thing to say.

I dress for myself too, but there's still nothing wrong with asking someone's opinion!

@amiwastingmytime

This drives me nuts. Maybe I’m just weird but when I shop for underwear, I like to do it without having to dodge around men. I find it weird. The women that stand there and make their husbands stand in other women’s way drive me nuts. It’s not considerate. But I’m probably in the minority. Just last week I left MS as I was trying to but shape-wear. A man was standing where I wanted to go to, I floated around hoping he might buzz off. Nope. I just left without. So for you OP. I agree whole heartedly! Men grow some balls and stop acting like fruit flies around your women when buying personal or intimate items! There I said it.

Q the abuse from MN!

Agree with pretty much all of the above, except if a man had been standing in the way of something I wanted to look at I would have asked him to move, and probably given him a scowl at the same time.

I shall never understand why men need to be in a lingerie shop in the first place.

I have never, in a fairly long life, taken a man shopping when I buy underwear or clothes. It's something I do for myself; definitely wouldn't want a man hanging around waiting for me.

If it's part of a general shopping trip and he looking after the kids, or he's even by himself, why can't they/he go somewhere else while they wait, instead of sitting around getting in the way of women actually wanting to shop.

I wouldn't want to stand around with my kid, well I wouldn't have wanted to when my kids were younger, while the man in my life shopped for pants or shirts or whatever. I can find more interesting way to create boredom if I've got nothing to do.

I live in the middle east and sometimes wonder if the Muslim ladies feel awkward when my husband is there. I have asked one lazy who was fully covered and she said duh, we only cover in public and that doesn't include me holding a bra 9n a hanger.

@thinkingaboutitall

OP lingerie shops aren’t really marketed for teen girls getting fittings though. Their target audience is definitely adult couples spicing up their sex life - hence why they allow partners to wait outside etc. Teens aren’t their priority unfortunately

Have you ever been to bravissimo? That’s totally not their vibe and it is not “sexy” at all. I would say their brand is aimed at giving women and girls of all ages with bigger boobs confidence and comfort. Nothing to do with men at all. I’d understand your point if it was Ann summers or somewhere.

Well obviously YABU OP, because the menz can't be upset or inconvenienced by anything that makes women more comfortable and safe these days so...

But seriously. They don't need to be there. A department store is a bit different, that sells everything. Bravissimo is a knickers and bra shop. There's no need for them to be hanging around, and any decent man would realise that him being there might make some women or girls feel a bit uncomfortable and bugger off elsewhere for a half and hour. I personally wouldn't care, but others might (and clearly do!).

It's the same for baby feeding areas. Yes, they are technically allowed in there but there's absolutely no need and a new (or any) mum who chooses to go in there rather than feed elsewhere in public clearly is looking for a bit of privacy so the decent thing to do is for the men to keep out! DH and I went into one the first time we took Dd out when she was newborn and he followed me in, quickly clicked onto the fact that it was clearly a space for women and left to get a coffee. They're don't need to hang around like a spare part. Obviously I didn't give a shit if he was in there but other women probably would have! Other men weren't so considerate and it did make people uncomfortable.

But women aren't entitled to their spaces anymore, are they!

So strange that so many women can't understand why a girl might not want to show middle aged ,men her underwear or talk to a woman about her bra size in front of them.

Posters who are adult and don't mind someone gawping at them should remember that it's very different when you're 15.

And "hogging the sofa" means that they are sitting on the sofa when they are not paying customers, when there are paying customers who are standing nearby.

How many young girls are in the situation where their mum has sadly died and they don’t have any other female in their life?

This was exactly my situation