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AIBU?

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Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 25/07/2021 11:09

Massively overreacting.

They’re not watching the women trying on bras. They’re sitting on sofas waiting. It’s fine.

feelingmehtoday · 25/07/2021 11:10

*It doesn’t bother me at all.

But my dad was the only person who could take me bra shopping as a kid, and I’m 100% sure he’d rather have stabbed pins in his eyes, but there was no one else.
*

Same. I didn't have my mum. What was I supposed to do?

feelingmehtoday · 25/07/2021 11:11

Bold fail.

I meant I agree with that poster - my Dad was my only option for shopping or any type when I was growing up. Unfair to suggest men shouldn't be there if you only have your Dad as a teen.

WorraLiberty · 25/07/2021 11:13

Huge over reaction imo

Pingued · 25/07/2021 11:14

There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think) but you don't know they weren't waiting for their teenager daughter too.

WeeWelshWoman · 25/07/2021 11:17

YABU OP. What a strange pearl-clutching post to make in the first place.

HelebethH · 25/07/2021 11:19

I do sort of understand the point Woolywolf was making. Yes there is no shame buying bras but young pretern/teenage girls can be very sensitive about their bodies. I remember my daughter rushing out to grab her first bra off the washing line (the inside section of a whirly gig) incase her dad saw it ! I always took my daughters after school in the middle of the week and it was usually very quiet without having to queue because they just felt a little more comfortable. As they became older and grew in confidence it was no longer a problem and they just went bra shopping anywhere, anytime. Perhaps Woolywolf you could go at a quiet time. When the shops first opens they are usually pretty deserted.

Sirzy · 25/07/2021 11:19

So the crux of the issue is that you don’t think people should wait in the waiting area!

Now if they where peeking their heads into the cubicles you would have a point but they are simply waiting for the person they are shopping with to try things on. I have waited outside changing rooms for people many a time

Chikapu · 25/07/2021 11:19

I used to work at La Senza, the number of men who thought they should be allowed in the actual fitting room while their gf/wife tried on lingerie was astounding. I used to ask them if they were allowed into the fitting rooms at any other shop and why they thought it was different because it was underwear. There was a lot of pouting and 'it's not fairs'

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/07/2021 11:22

Yes if adults don't give a shit that's fine akd up to them.

But our dds are subject to all sorts at school, I've even had a man eye up dd when she was 9/10 and even the younger one has been " stroked " by staff at restaurants etc. Its bit the crime if the century to just want no men around fir a few mins when they get a bra fitted

Twinkletwinklelittlecar · 25/07/2021 11:24

I was holding a bra in m&s and some man's eyes were on stalks looking at it. Weird and gross. About 2 years ago. It made me uncomfortable and I'm in my 30s.

icedcoffees · 25/07/2021 11:25

What happens to teenage girls who don't have a mother to take them to try on bras?

feelingmehtoday · 25/07/2021 11:26

@icedcoffees

What happens to teenage girls who don't have a mother to take them to try on bras?

Yeah this point has been made a few times, I was in this situation as a teen, only had my Dad. Perhaps we should ban fathers of teen girls from women's shops? 🙄

aspadeaspade · 25/07/2021 11:28

Curious as to which store this is.

My local store also has a fitting area downstairs, with sofas for people to wait. Typically it's women who have come at a busy time of day and are waiting for a fitter to be available. Sometimes it's the people who have accompanied them - so yes, men.

The sofa area is not exactly on top of the welcome desk, and no conversations about bras need to be had there if you're really comfortable. You can can wait until you're in the changing rooms, and whilst everyone in the changing rooms can overhear each other, the sofa people are not within earshot.

I've always found the changing rooms to be places of female solidarity - sometimes someone from another changing room will chip in with advice. It's all just DD+ women who really want a bra that fits. We all share a common purpose.

The other Bravissimo stores I've been to have a similar layout. So whilst there are sofas technically outside, they're nowhere near the changing areas.

(Complete contrast to M&S which in my experience often has chairs within direct view of the changing rooms...)

It's really boring waiting. Bra fitting appointments can take ages, because the Bravissimo fitters are determined to make sure you leave with the perfect bra, and there's nothing in the sofa area but Bravissimo catalogues, which obviously the men will feel uncomfortable to be caught reading. So if they look at people in the queue, I imagine there's nothing lecherous in it. They're just bored, bored, bored.

JustGiveMeGin · 25/07/2021 11:32

I think most men realise that most women wear bras 🤷‍♀️ I bought some soft cup sports bras for my 11 year old whilst my husband was with us. No one died.
What do you think will happen if a random bloke accidentally overhears what size your DD is? As long as he isn't sat on the sofa knocking one off over it I think you need to get a grip.
It's just clothing at the end of the day, if you make a big deal out of it so will your daughter.

SalsaLove · 25/07/2021 11:32

It would bother me. Not because I’m clutching my pearls but because I’ve been harrassed by men over the size of my breasts since I was a teenager. I certainly don’t want to be in a shop where there’s practically an invitation to look at them.

KittenKong · 25/07/2021 11:35

Since this store (I believe) allows self ID - that bothers me more.

HunkyPunk · 25/07/2021 11:38

Dh is uncomfortable if I divert through the bras and knickers in M&S, en route to another section of the store. Reminds me of the Father Ted episode in the lingerie dept. Grin

YouShouldLeave · 25/07/2021 11:39

YANBU.

YouthfulIndiscretion · 25/07/2021 11:40

I think it would bother my DD. If we go bra shopping then she’ll hiss at me to be quiet and not ask her whether this model would be suitable even if there’s only one other middle aged female customer on the floor.

Jent13c · 25/07/2021 11:46

I don't think that there was any need to be uncomfortable that there were men anywhere near an underwear shop, it wouldn't bother me (though it would my mother who is a massive prude). However during covid times when shops are having to limit people and space out queues etc they should have just left especially when it was getting busy. Its not like I would nip out with my bra on to show my DH for his opinion.

JustGiveMeGin · 25/07/2021 11:49

Does no one buy their husbands/partners boxers? Should women be banned from the men's underwear section in case we embarrass them? Or should we just teach our daughters that it is just an item of clothing and it really doesn't matter who is around when we buy them 🤔

comedycentral · 25/07/2021 11:49

Some people can't let their partners out their sight. It's so weird. My DH wouldn't be hanging around the shop whilst women and girls were browsing and trying on underwear. He would browse in another shop or something.

YouShouldLeave · 25/07/2021 11:51

@Jent13c

I don't think that there was any need to be uncomfortable that there were men anywhere near an underwear shop, it wouldn't bother me (though it would my mother who is a massive prude). However during covid times when shops are having to limit people and space out queues etc they should have just left especially when it was getting busy. Its not like I would nip out with my bra on to show my DH for his opinion.
Why is it okey to call another woman a prude, just because she has different view/boundaries than you?
Lockheart · 25/07/2021 11:54

I understand why a teenage girl might be uncomfortable but I'm not sure what the solution is. In department stores you'd need to have some sort of 25m radius around the lingerie bit which men aren't allowed to cross, and that's really not practical! And as others have already said, not everyone has a mother to take them shopping, and what about those who have a disability and might need their husbands / partners assistance?