Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 11:59

@WomanStanleyWoman

YABU. The crux of your argument is basically ‘OMG, a man knows that my daughter wears a bra!’
Well yes. I’d rather as few men as possible are thinking about/in any way involved in my underage daughters breasts, given she is already self conscious about them due to the actions of men. I didn’t suggest men should be banned or say anything about it, I just said it made me and my daughter a bit uncomfortable. It’s a good point that men may have had a valid reason to be there, such as being the only adult able to take their daughter bra shopping, or buying bras for themselves. It’s just a shame, that due to there being some awful men out there you can’t tell if a man is innocently shopping with his daughter or is secretly perving/thinking about women in bras. I guess I think men should be aware that their actions could make women uncomfortable and should avoid situations where they may inadvertently make women uncomfortable-such as lingering outside lingerie changing rooms if they can help it, or following women down the street at night if they happen to be going the same way. I guess it’s just not on most men’s radar though. And it wouldn’t be on most adult women’s radar if they are comfortable with their bodies/buying bras which many teens aren’t yet.
OP posts:
TabithaTiger · 25/07/2021 12:01

It wouldn't bother me now, but I would have been mortified as a teenager! I remember my younger brother being with me when my Mum took me to buy a bra, I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or him!

LondonJax · 25/07/2021 12:03

@Lockheart I was just about to add the bit about some women needing assistance. When my aunt developed dementia she didn't suddenly stop wearing bras for the 8 years she lived with it. My uncle couldn't trust her to find him in a shop, she walked right past him once when he was waiting for her to decide which skirt she wanted to try on! There was no way he'd wander off from a changing room area. If he did he'd likely be hunting for her, if he was lucky, in the shop. If he was unlucky she could have been anywhere.

Yes, there are some women who have their men attached by a very short rope. But there are others who have no choice and who need that help. I doubt all three men in this case were in that position but it's quite possible one at least was there as the lone parent or as assistance for someone.

PrettyBlunt · 25/07/2021 12:03

I could see why it would bother a younger girl but to me it's not a big issue.

I've on many occasions sent out DP to buy me bras and knickers. Either for gifts or just because I needed some more.

omgthepain · 25/07/2021 12:05

Total over reaction they're only waiting for wives/ girlfriends
She'll need to get used to it men go shopping and if you make an issue of it now it'll continue to be an issue as she gets older
Just don't say anything and if she does I'd just be like "yeah men do go shopping"

What a totally bizarre post

Geamhradh · 25/07/2021 12:06

@BlueSurfer

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing

It comes across to me that you are embarrassed by it though and you will pass this on to your DD.

This. The message the OP is giving her daughter is that having breasts, and needing a bra is something to be hidden away in secret.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2021 12:07

I am pretty sure ataff would quickly clock into a ranom single guy just plopping himself on a waiting room sofa to perv...

Original poster
Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 12:09

@Sirzy

So the crux of the issue is that you don’t think people should wait in the waiting area!

Now if they where peeking their heads into the cubicles you would have a point but they are simply waiting for the person they are shopping with to try things on. I have waited outside changing rooms for people many a time

It annoyed me a bit that the people who had booked a fitting (it’s about a 20 minute wait when it’s busy and they take about 20 mins) had to stand and wait whilst the sofas which are designed to be for people who are waiting for a fitting we’re taken up by people (men and kids) who were not waiting for the service/didn’t really need to be there. But I guess if they got there first they are allowed to sit there. I imagine the staff probably weren’t thrilled as they normally tell you the wait will be 10-20 mins and tell you to take a seat, and the idea of standing and waiting for that length of time probably turns some customers away. But not much they can do about it
OP posts:
Zilla1 · 25/07/2021 12:10

I guess it's just not on some women's radar that not every daughter has a mother. Let's hope you don't have a DS and linger around and make anyone's young sons uncomfortable (yes I know it's different) nor have a adult female relative entirely dependent on care from a man.

WeatherForecast · 25/07/2021 12:10

Lol, yes yabu.

gogohm · 25/07/2021 12:11

I don't see the problem, they were waiting for their partners

Zilla1 · 25/07/2021 12:12

HNRTT but were any of the men wearing cassocks and suddenly disappear?

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 25/07/2021 12:18

They were probably bored shitless and been told whoever they were with would only be a minute Grin
They're allowed there as much as anyone

DynamoKev · 25/07/2021 12:24

@Nitgel

I dont get men sitting around changing rooms anywhere. Just go to another shop! I hate that John lewis has a sofa for then to sit on while they wait right outside the changing rooms too.
Yeah, bastard men and their waiting, bastards.
Original poster
Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 12:25

Each to their own, but I just don’t understand why you’d choose to sit there bored shitless, potentially making young girls uncomfortable when people who are actually waiting to use the service are having to stand because you are occupying the seat. Surely they’d have more fun looking at another shop/getting a coffee.
I appreciate its different if they are a carer for their wife or supervising a very young teen, but I doubt that was the case to be honest.

OP posts:
pinkcircustop · 25/07/2021 12:27

YABU and overreacting, and also being paranoid about one of the men “looking too hard”.

DynamoKev · 25/07/2021 12:28

@Woolywolf

Each to their own, but I just don’t understand why you’d choose to sit there bored shitless, potentially making young girls uncomfortable when people who are actually waiting to use the service are having to stand because you are occupying the seat. Surely they’d have more fun looking at another shop/getting a coffee. I appreciate its different if they are a carer for their wife or supervising a very young teen, but I doubt that was the case to be honest.
I agree about not understanding why they want to be there - but there is obviously something in the way their relationship works that makes this happen.
StealthPolarBear · 25/07/2021 12:29

You don't know they were men. They may well have been women themselves in which case all is fine.

Mantlemoose · 25/07/2021 12:29

Don't be so ridiculous, they're literally in a different room and if it's fitting them they changing rooms are supervised!

icelollycraving · 25/07/2021 12:29

Bravissimo let men sit on the sofas, not into the fitting room. I do remember there being a lot of uproar that Bravissimo do fittings on transgender customers.
If your daughter felt uncomfortable it was a good time to give an indication of that to an assistant. Realistically not much they can do to stop your daughter looking like she was buying bras in a bra shop.

JustGiveMeGin · 25/07/2021 12:30

You're changing your tune a bit now @Woolywolf, because people haven't agreed with you it's now the fact men have dared to be in your way:

It annoyed me a bit that the people who had booked a fitting (it’s about a 20 minute wait when it’s busy and they take about 20 mins) had to stand and wait whilst the sofas which are designed to be for people who are waiting for a fitting we’re taken up by people (men and kids) who were not waiting for the service/didn’t really need to be there.
But I guess if they got there first they are allowed to sit there. I imagine the staff probably weren’t thrilled as they normally tell you the wait will be 10-20 mins and tell you to take a seat, and the idea of standing and waiting for that length of time probably turns some customers away. But not much they can do about it

You are assuming that the staff would be annoyed as that would make you feel better....for all you know the staff couldn't give a toss! It's the nature of the beast....those that get there first get the seating, and thus it has always been (apparently unless they are men, they should clearly just piss off incase their mere presence doth offend)Hmm

coogee · 25/07/2021 12:38

The last time I bought bras in Bravissimo, I took my husband with me because I wanted his opinion on which looked better.

The only people in the waiting room were men and the magazines available reflected typical male and female interests, so it can’t be that unusual for them to be there.

newnortherner111 · 25/07/2021 12:43

Having seating a bit further away and in such a manner that conversations about sizing and fit can be out of other people's hearing seems reasonable to me. Too many women have the wrong size bra and if the possibility of pervy men or just being innocently overheard puts them off, a minor change to the store layout seems reasonable.

I suggest OP you approach the store in a constructive way, on the lines of wanting to help their business.

Winemewhynot · 25/07/2021 12:44

instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was

Oh my god, a child asking a loud question about a bra?! Won’t someone think of the children!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 25/07/2021 12:45

You're not being unreasonable. There's absolutely no reason why they need to be sitting directly outside the changing rooms and it's high time that shops moved the seating area elsewhere - and made changing rooms for women only.

I know you will have posters telling you that it's fine for men to be there but it isn't, it really isn't. Women first. Men not needed loitering around where they are changing clothes.