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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my house guest is rather rude?

359 replies

dizzyrabbit · 25/07/2021 09:47

We went for a pub lunch yesterday which I ended up paying for. The bill came and he didn’t even bother to look at it. I paid it with my card expecting him to give me some cash towards it but nothing. Then we ordered a takeaway for dinner which we also ended up paying for. He didn’t even offer to contribute. He’s came a long way to visit but I can’t help but feel like it’s taking the mick. I want to say something but don’t know what. I’m too nice for my own good. Vent over.

OP posts:
lockdownlulabelle · 26/07/2021 18:03

We had a guest like that when we had a house in France. We sussed out earlier that she sat back a let us get all the shopping so next time we went to Carrefour, on arrival at the checkout DH said “get your wallet out then Rosemary “. She coughed up with her share each time after that.

THEDEACON · 26/07/2021 18:04

If I'm hosting I feed my guests

Original poster
dizzyrabbit · 26/07/2021 18:06

UPDATE!!
I asked the cf if he’d give me some money towards the cinema before he left this afternoon and he actually coughed up £25. I spent about forty on him but still better than nothing! Moral of story is don’t ask, don’t get. Saying that I still hate asking and think it should be offered!

OP posts:
Original poster
dizzyrabbit · 26/07/2021 18:09

@user64325

Well, he's your guest. Personally think it's a bit strange that you have eaten out or got takeaway for every main meal and not gone to the effort of hosting him, so I assume he's thinking along those lines? Best manners though is for the guest to bring a gift or contribution, then to offer to pay and the host to refuse.
I don’t enjoy cooking for others. Call me a bad host if you want. I don’t care.
OP posts:
Bridezillamaybe · 26/07/2021 18:10

Oh well done OP.

peppermintpat · 26/07/2021 18:12

@dizzyrabbit

UPDATE!! I asked the cf if he’d give me some money towards the cinema before he left this afternoon and he actually coughed up £25. I spent about forty on him but still better than nothing! Moral of story is don’t ask, don’t get. Saying that I still hate asking and think it should be offered!
Good for you hun! Better than nowt.
lcl · 26/07/2021 18:12

My question is do you get to go stay with him and he do the same on return ? If not get rid. My Toxic entitled friends are having the shock of their life now my ‘hotel’ is closed !!!

SStopRaisingHim · 26/07/2021 18:18

I don’t enjoy cooking for others. Call me a bad host if you want. I don’t care.

Ditto! I’m not the ruddy maid.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 26/07/2021 18:20

When we stay with friends even if we've travelled we always pay for take away, get wine, drinks at shop etc and pay for any food at pubs etc that's the thing we are saving on hotels so would rather pay for meals etc

BronwenFrideswide · 26/07/2021 18:21

@dizzyrabbit

UPDATE!! I asked the cf if he’d give me some money towards the cinema before he left this afternoon and he actually coughed up £25. I spent about forty on him but still better than nothing! Moral of story is don’t ask, don’t get. Saying that I still hate asking and think it should be offered!
Well done, that wasn't too hard was it?

Now you've done it once and the world didn't end you will be able to do it again and have more confidence to do it at the start not the end!

Yes it should be offered but if it's not and it clearly wasn't going to be you have to speak up.

riceuten · 26/07/2021 18:28

I don't know, whenever we've stayed with people, we've always offered to pay for a meal or two, done the washing up or cleaned, done some shopping, or paid for taxis/buses/trains when needed. Seems rude not to, even as a guest.

Pixxie7 · 26/07/2021 18:31

I wouldn’t necessarily expect a guest to pay for their meals to be honest. However if I was a guest I would at least offer to pay so mixed feelings.

Ash2956 · 26/07/2021 18:33

He’s a maggot, not a friend. Bin him.

TheCynthia · 26/07/2021 18:35

Not so. When someone comes for a weekend, unless it's been agreed in advance, they're getting accommodations and home dinners. Still, any good houseguest knows that if you're going out...it's generally dutch - UNLESS the host says, "Let's go out to lunch, my treat."

user1471538283 · 26/07/2021 18:37

Years ago I had a friend like this. He came to stay, ate and drank and then even when we went out just didnt buy his round. That was it.

At a friends leaving do four of the colleagues there just sat and accepted drinks and then went home when it was their rounds.

I now only go in rounds with close friends.

tallduckandhandsome · 26/07/2021 18:38

@dizzyrabbit

UPDATE!! I asked the cf if he’d give me some money towards the cinema before he left this afternoon and he actually coughed up £25. I spent about forty on him but still better than nothing! Moral of story is don’t ask, don’t get. Saying that I still hate asking and think it should be offered!
Well done OP Smile

I always tell myself that it's the other who should feel awkward me. Why should he get a meal, cinema etc for free, as well as board and lodging at yours, all for free?

Muchasgracias · 26/07/2021 18:41

Yes he’s a bit rude but you are a pushover. Get a backbone and start asking him to pay his way, or at least find out why he can’t/won’t.

Muchasgracias · 26/07/2021 18:49

@Muchasgracias

Yes he’s a bit rude but you are a pushover. Get a backbone and start asking him to pay his way, or at least find out why he can’t/won’t.
Sorry OP have just read your update.

Well done. He is, it seems, a CF. Now you have asserted yourself, keep practising. It is truly liberating.

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 26/07/2021 18:58

Yeah I don’t know how he’s not embarrassed to have not even offered, that’s pretty rude

Morgysmum · 26/07/2021 18:59

It really is odd, even when I go visit my parents, I offer to pay, sometimes even shoving my contact less card, over the scanner, whilst trying to hold my mums back, to pay for the shopping. It's only a bit she got from the local tesco.
But in my eyes if she brought dinner, I will get her bit of Gluten free food that she is buying as I way to say thanks. That is with me buying my train tickets to visit her.
Even with the Mother in law, who has more money than us, we still offer to split the bill, she doesn't always accept, but we have offered.

Closetbeanmuncher · 26/07/2021 19:00

There's no way I would be inviting the tight arsed twat again.

Cranberrygin · 26/07/2021 19:00

I’m probably old fashioned, but if I have a guest I provide the food - if I choose to go out to eat, i would expect to pay, particularly as you expected guest to fork out for 2 meals in one day. Although it would have been nice if he’d at least offered to pay, not everyone is in a position to eat out so much. And you say he came a long way, so may well have paid a hefty bill to get to you in the first place, so expecting him to pay for his food (and possibly yours?) is a bit unreasonable, in my view.

jp83 · 26/07/2021 19:02

Whenever i stay at someone's place,i always get them something,for example a bottle of wine and chocolates and i always pay for a meal out.After all,i am saving loads as i don't have to pay for accomodation.

jentinquarantino20 · 26/07/2021 19:05

I would naturally sort food but if he wants cinema I would not be coughing up for that. Glad you got something

LizzieW1969 · 26/07/2021 19:06

@Cranberrygin

You might have had a point if he hadn’t also pushed for them to go to the cinema. There’s no way that he shouldn’t have paid his share for that.

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