To think my house guest is rather rude?

[dizzyrabbit]

We went for a pub lunch yesterday which I ended up paying for. The bill came and he didn’t even bother to look at it. I paid it with my card expecting him to give me some cash towards it but nothing. Then we ordered a takeaway for dinner which we also ended up paying for. He didn’t even offer to contribute. He’s came a long way to visit but I can’t help but feel like it’s taking the mick. I want to say something but don’t know what. I’m too nice for my own good. Vent over.

I did follow the advice actually. Lots of folk said that I should pay as I’m the host and because he’s traveled along way just to see us.

So you've ignored 87% of the vote and gone with the minority view? Don't ever go on Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire...

@dizzyrabbit - I can understand why you didn’t feel able to confront the situation this time. It is a lot easier for us to say what we think you should say on here than it is to do it in real life.

Going forward, do you want to tackle things differently on his next visit? If you do, maybe the first step is not suggesting takeaways/meals out - plan nice, home cooked meals instead. If he suggests a takeaway, you could either say “oh, it got a bit expensive last time, so I have planned X for dinner today” or “That is such a kind offer - I have got X planned for dinner, but if you’d like to buy a takeaway for us, I can put the X in the freezer!”

Those of us who said host should pay is more IF you suggested takeaways and dinner out, rather than meals at home.

But the cinema is totally different. He suggested it so it would be very normal to split the cost of that one, like you said you'd normally do when you meet up.

@dizzyrabbit

Saying you followed advice is very disingenuous.

Your skinflint friend made an absolute idiot of you.

If you are happy with that fine.

I have had a LOT of guests in my time and NONE ever expected everything to be paid for and anyway I'd never be fool enough to think that.

When someone visits they are getting free accommodation and probably breakfast.

But as a single woman if we went out for dinner, we paid for our own or I would be paid for as thanks OR I would pay if I was staying with someone.

To expect someone to pay for everything including a cinema trip is utterly ridiculous and utterly scummy behaviour.

OP, you are the type of woman that is ripe to be used and abused by a man if you are so easily taken advantage of a so called friend.

Have a look at the Freedom programme.

Your boundaries are very poor.

Good luck.

'host should pay' is the most eighties Berni Inn thing I've ever heard.

They are getting free accomodation and breakfast?

But they are coming to visit the OP. Not say to avoid a hotel for a job interview/off on holiday.

Its like my parents saying when i go to visit them i am going to enjoy a free breakfast. I'm not, i'd have had breakfast in my own house if i hadn't spent £100 on trains to visit them.

Really weird people see visiting a friend as the FRIEND doing them a favour letting them see them. (when its the host who gets the favour by avoiding travel costs AND time spent on motorway/train stations)

• I hate it when poster's criticism the op because they didn't take their amazing advice

Chill, op has ideas to think about.

As a guest with peers I would assume to take them for a meal as a thank you for hosting us or buying a takeaway etc.

You should be splitting all bills. I can't believe he would be so cheeky!

The OP reads to me as a young, single woman.
There is NO way it is normal to pay for every outing of a single, young friend that visits you.

He is a tight CF, and the OP is a mug.

"But they are coming to visit the OP. Not say to avoid a hotel for a job interview/off on holiday."

We don't have all the info on that actually. When I stay with friends it's both to see them and to be able to stay in that town more cheaply so I do benefit financially from it.
Visiting my parents is completely different. I do see other family and friends when I'm there, but their home is my childhood home and it's normal for me not to have to pay for my board and lodgings there. I don't expect them to pay for any food I buy when I'm out of the house.

Haha great update OP. Is he going home soon or are you going to keep paying. I can't believe how gullible you are but I guess if it makes you feel comfortable and you can afford it, you are both happy with the arrangement.

As if you paid for the cinema??!!!
Do these CFs and total doormats attract each other? Do they sense each other out. Its all so odd.

"Oh Dave, that's kind. We are a bit strapped at the moment so if you are inviting, we'd love to come."

AND NEVER INVITE AGAIN IF HE DOESN'T PAY FOR CINEMA.

Whether or not he’s travelled a long way. I think he should at least contributing his share of the food bills. After all you are giving h8m a free place to stay. Do you ever stay at his place?

When we have houseguests, we normally pay for the first meal out or takeaway as a sort of 'welcome' meal. But beyond that I would expect to split things, and when the bill comes, if an offer was not forthcoming, I'd say something like 'yours came to £x'. Stand up for yourself OP.

I'm an bit embarrassed for him. Surely he can't think this is normal.

Why not just say..sorry we can’t afford the cinema, if he offers to pay for tickets then you’re back on track.if not, just don’t go. He can go on his own if he really wants to.
Some people are funny about being offered money, he may not know how to approach it..

No more free food!! CCF!!!

If he were only coming for a weekend, couldn't you have just cooked? You could have avoided the cost for all of you by making a pasta bake or somethjbg...im sure he'd not care.

@MrsSkylerWhite

When we rarely stay with people, we always take them out for dinner. In the end though, I suppose it depends how important he is to you. If he’s a valued friend, I’d let it go.

Yes agreed, I've done the same when I've stayed with people. In fact I insist on it as it's a favour returned.

However if the friend was to stay again I'd be inclined to stay in and cook something rather than have the expense of a takeaway or meal out. That might be enough to make a subtle point.

@MorrisZapp

'host should pay' is the most eighties Berni Inn thing I've ever heard.

🤣🤣

Not much you can do now as I guess you've already paid for everything! But next time he, or another guest, visits just make sure when the bill comes that you ask "would you prefer to split the bill or pay for what we each had?". That way it's clear you're not picking up the whole thing!

The host shouldn't pay at all.... I'd always take into consideration that someone spent money getting to me but there's no way I'd expect to pay for entertainment and food for the entire stay.

The minute he'd suggested the cinema I'd have said 'yeah sounds like a great idea, but it's your turn to pay as I copped for both meals yesterday' but you can't do that as he's gone now

Well, he's your guest. Personally think it's a bit strange that you have eaten out or got takeaway for every main meal and not gone to the effort of hosting him, so I assume he's thinking along those lines? Best manners though is for the guest to bring a gift or contribution, then to offer to pay and the host to refuse.

This!

He’s your house guest. It’s down to you to pay. Or cook some meals at home for a lot less, I would normally offer if I was the guest but usually the host refuses. If you expected a contribution you really should have mentioned this before eating out etc.