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Original poster

DDs ‘secret’ boyfriend

131 replies

befall0 · 25/07/2021 09:24

My DD is 14, almost 15. My DH is very against her having a boyfriend. I did suspect she had a boyfriend though. A few weeks ago, she came back from school and had a boys name written on her hand, I didn't say anything but my DH noticed and asked her who x was, DD said she didn't know and that her friend dared her to have a random boys name written on her hand. Yesterday, she told me she was going out with ‘chloe’ and her sister was picking DD up. I did see her get picked up but I noticed a boy was also in the car, about DDs age. I didn't think anything of it.

When DD got back, I could smell a boys aftershave on her so I spoke to her and she admitted she does have a boyfriend and it was the boy in the car.

I have no idea why DH is so against her having a boyfriend. Any advice will appreciated

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 25/07/2021 09:59

Your husband is a dick. Do not let him decide your daughters whole life. If this were his son...he'd think it were great. Hmm

PinkiOcelot · 25/07/2021 09:59

Giving a blanket ban on boyfriends is just going to make her go underground and feel like she has to lie to you.
Surely it would be better if everything was above board and honest. She won’t feel like she can come to you for anything.

Notimeforaname · 25/07/2021 10:01

Yes, I have asked him why and he just says that he just doesn't want her to have a boyfriend as she's too young

Yea he doesn't get to decide this. She will continue to do it in secret because of him. She will never feel like she can come to him now. That's sad.

Original poster
befall0 · 25/07/2021 10:01

I'm fine with her having a boyfriend and I never agreed with DH and I've told him that but he said it's my choice not to agree with him but she can't have a boyfriend Hmm

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 25/07/2021 10:02

So it's your choice to disagree but nobody will disagree with him ?no im sorry I dont believe that your partner isnt controlling. This is weird for him to say your females child is not allowed to have a boyfriend. It's weird.

illdoitlater · 25/07/2021 10:03

@befall0

I'm fine with her having a boyfriend and I never agreed with DH and I've told him that but he said it's my choice not to agree with him but she can't have a boyfriend Hmm
What happens if you say it's his choice not to agree but she can have a boyfriend? Why does he get the final say?
Notimeforaname · 25/07/2021 10:04

Well she does have a boyfriend so whats he goin to do about it ? Jusus hes goin to ruin his relationship with his daughter because he wants to controle her.

I'm fucking sick of men thinking they have a say over females bodys and choices.. fucking pig.

Birkie248 · 25/07/2021 10:04

@befall0

I'm fine with her having a boyfriend and I never agreed with DH and I've told him that but he said it's my choice not to agree with him but she can't have a boyfriend Hmm
Ignoring his ridiculous stance on this, it’s actually too late for that as she does have a boyfriend already Confused! This is a pivotal point for their relationship now... you need to stand up for your DD. Why does he get the final say on this?
Sleepinghyena · 25/07/2021 10:05

Why does he get the final say over you and your parenting decisions? And why are you allowing him to control both you and your daughter? I

Notimeforaname · 25/07/2021 10:09

I lived in a house where we couldn't say anything or it'll ''upset your father '' always had the final say always moaning..was always allowed to do the things he would shame us forHmm.

Your partner is making ot out like there is somthing wrong with a natural thing in life. What was he doing at 15?no girlfriends I'm assuming ?

girlmom21 · 25/07/2021 10:09

@befall0

I'm fine with her having a boyfriend and I never agreed with DH and I've told him that but he said it's my choice not to agree with him but she can't have a boyfriend Hmm
Jokes on him really isn't it
Taliskerskye · 25/07/2021 10:12

What’s he going to do about it though! Because it won’t stop her

Viviennemary · 25/07/2021 10:13

I think 14 is too young to have a steady boyfriend. Your DH is right. It's a protection issue. Teenage pregnancy. And having sex too young can lead to promiscuity.

Abraxan · 25/07/2021 10:15

@befall0

I'm fine with her having a boyfriend and I never agreed with DH and I've told him that but he said it's my choice not to agree with him but she can't have a boyfriend Hmm
I wouldn't stand for this I'm afraid.

You need to stand up to him in your DD's behalf.

She is a teenager. Boyfriend and girlfriends are normal at this age.

His attitude won't stop her having boyfriends. It will however, lead to her becoming secretive and having to lie. That could be way more damaging, and potentially dangerous, than having a boyfriend the same age will be.

DoTheNextRightThing · 25/07/2021 10:15

@Viviennemary

I think 14 is too young to have a steady boyfriend. Your DH is right. It's a protection issue. Teenage pregnancy. And having sex too young can lead to promiscuity.
Just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean she’s having sex. I had a boyfriend for over a year when I was 14 and I didn't have sex until my 20s. And what's wrong with promiscuity exactly?
Queynte13 · 25/07/2021 10:16

@Viviennemary

I think 14 is too young to have a steady boyfriend. Your DH is right. It's a protection issue. Teenage pregnancy. And having sex too young can lead to promiscuity.
What about the boyfriend being too young for a girlfriend? Or is "promiscuity" only an issue when it's females having sex?
Taliskerskye · 25/07/2021 10:20

Promiscuity- hahahaha

Notimeforaname · 25/07/2021 10:21

Ah yeah I bet ops partner saved himself til marriage. And never touched a girl when he was a teenHmm

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 25/07/2021 10:26

@Viviennemary

I think 14 is too young to have a steady boyfriend. Your DH is right. It's a protection issue. Teenage pregnancy. And having sex too young can lead to promiscuity.
Oh don't be so ridiculous.

Teens have boyfriends. I did. We all did. I bet you did too

That also applies to OPs DH. I'm sure he had boyfriends too so why is he being hypocritical

dreamadream3 · 25/07/2021 10:26

At 14, I met my now husband and we've been together 15 years and married for 7. You have a DH problem.

Inastatus · 25/07/2021 10:26

Your DH is being very very unreasonable and his blanket ban on boyfriends is obviously not working. His heavy handed approach could be damaging to your DD and how she handles her future relationships. What are you going to do OP?

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 25/07/2021 10:26

I did mean girlfriends but if he had boyfriends then thatwould be ok too

FrankButchersDickieBow · 25/07/2021 10:27

He's projecting. He probably was having sex at your daughters age or remember how he treated girls at that age and doesn't want a boy treating your daughter the way he did when he was that age.

He's being a dickhead of course.

Whiskycav · 25/07/2021 10:28

@befall0

I'm fine with her having a boyfriend and I never agreed with DH and I've told him that but he said it's my choice not to agree with him but she can't have a boyfriend Hmm
So he believes he overrules you?

He overrules dd on a decision that is a perfectly normal decision for her to make for herself?

And you say hebisnt normally controlling, but does think his decision is final?

honeylulu · 25/07/2021 10:28

Your H is being short sighted and despite what you say he IS controlling. Your daughter wants to have a boyfriend, you are OK with her having a boyfriend, he doesn't want her to and therefore his word is final and the law. Two against one and he thinks he has the right to overrule everyone else. Controlling.

My parents were like that and it was totally counter productive. I had boyfriends. I just didn't tell my parents. I ended up in some vulnerable situations which might have been avoided if I'd been encouraged to being boyfriends to the family home etc. Instead I told a lot of lies and if I'd have gone missing my parents would have had no clue where I really was or who I was really with.

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