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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird WhatsApp parent behaviour or my social anxiety?

356 replies

IrisAnon · 22/07/2021 21:44

DS 11yrs is meeting up with friends. This will be the first time he's done this I'm also going for a coffee so I can track him from a distance He's part of a close group of friends, but due to COVID, I haven't met any of the other parents. So I thought I would just create a little Whatsapp group to say 'hi' to the other parents, say I'd be tailing along at a distance and to check they'd also heard about the plans.

One very brief response and nothing else. Not even a 'hi there'.....nothing. One asked who this was (understandable - random invite), I intro'd myself and then nothing else.
Is that a bit unfriendly of the other 8 parents, or do I just have weird expectations? It's not like I'm expecting a big chat, just a wave or a 'sounds like fun' or something friendly. Our children are great friends with no drama. Seriously, I'm beginning to doubt that I know how to interact with people after lockdown!

OP posts:
NanooCov · 22/07/2021 21:46

Does your son and his friends know you'll be following them? My kids are little so not at this stage yet but honestly if another parent introduced themselves randomly in a WhatsApp group by explaining they were planning to "tail" their kid and his friends, I'd find it a bit bizarre.

Nicknacky · 22/07/2021 21:47

Where are they going?

I would think it was a but unnecessary to have a WhatsApp group set up for a group of kids going bowling or something.

tallduckandhandsome · 22/07/2021 21:47

It seems a bit much. I didn't have mum or dad following me when I went to the high street at that age. They're probably just a bit bemused.

seven201 · 22/07/2021 21:49

I think they're picturing you in a disguise following their kids and don't know what to say!

Waspsarearseholes · 22/07/2021 21:49

Sorry OP, you're the weird one here.

AgentProvocateur · 22/07/2021 21:49

Sorry, but that’s odd behaviour - following the kids and contacting the parents (if they’re going out locally) I’m not sure I’d know how to reply either.

freelions · 22/07/2021 21:49

There is no wrong or right but I didn't feel the need to communicate with DC's friends' parents much once they had moved from primary to secondary school

Perhaps for a sleepover I might have but not for a daytime meet up

There are occasions when it is useful to have contact details of other parents but creating a WhatsApp group is overkill IMHO

Thehop · 22/07/2021 21:50

Hmmm, i would have responded OP.

MistyFrequencies · 22/07/2021 21:50

Yeah I'd think you were weird for tailing along at a distance to be honest. Id probably still reply briefly to the WhatsApp though, just out of politeness.

RedHelenB · 22/07/2021 21:51

Yeah, it is a bit weird needing to tail them and introducing yourself through WhatsApp..

BillyRaywasapreachersson · 22/07/2021 21:52

I think this comes from a good place, but setting up a what's app group with randoms to tell them you are stalking your child (and by association, theirs) does make you seem a tad OTT.

Banani · 22/07/2021 21:52

I’d find it a bit odd, but would send a polite reply rather than ignore. How did you get all their contact details if you don’t all know each other?

Littlecaf · 22/07/2021 21:54

Some people just don’t do WhatsApp. I set up a group for my closest mates about 2 years ago. We see each other every other week or so. They still want to communicate via Facebook messenger. Weirdos!

It’s the end of term. My parenting/class/kids activities have been bonkers this last week. Maybe people need a break from another group?

Plus maybe they already know each other and don’t need to communicate via another group?

DerbyshireMama · 22/07/2021 21:54

WhatsApp seems to be causing some serious angst in the parent world atm.

Drivingmisspotty · 22/07/2021 21:56

I think 11 is a very in between age for this sort of thing. Some kids barely go out on their own, some have been going down to the park/to school on their own for a couple of years.

I would have replied. But I can also see how the parents might be a bit ‘eh?’ If their kids are more independent. I try not to get too involved now my DC is in secondary - one less thing to do! And I have kind of reached peak parents whats app groups at primary but of course I would be friendly and polite to you. Maybe it is just if you come up as an unknown number they haven’t even opened your message - worried about a virus or something?

kitkatsky · 22/07/2021 21:57

Hm, if they're 11 they've either just left primary or year 7? I think most parents afford a bit of freedom by then... Personally I'd be annoyed if a mum was following my DD and her child around a park. Does your son have a phone? If so pop a tracker on it like google family and stay away. Other parents can di that for their own kids if they want to!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/07/2021 21:59

I'm assuming their secondary age if you've not met the parents due to covid? If so, I'm afraid you've made a social faux pas and I'd find you a bit odd telling me you're going to tail my 11/12 year old around town if I'd agreed they were allowed to go with their friends

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/07/2021 22:00

*they're!! Damn it

CinnabarRed · 22/07/2021 22:04

So you’ve basically just told 7 other sets of parents that you’re stalking their children, and didn’t even introduce yourself first? (You mention that someone had to ask who you are.)

I honestly wouldn’t know how to respond if it were me.

warmandtoasty2day · 22/07/2021 22:11

i wouldn't be happy about this following bit. in your ds's shoes i'd be so embarrassed if someone found out that my mum was following me and my mates.

Original poster
IrisAnon · 22/07/2021 22:12

Ok, points taken. I'm just going to be in the area to ensure that he's ok as hasn't done anything like this before....I don't mean actual stalking.
I'd even be happy if someone just replied to say 'jeez, DS will be fine, paranoia much?'. Or.....'hey.....nice to hear from you, shame we haven't had a chance to meet each other yet?'. Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do, but just thought it was a way of saying 'hi' to the other parents. I know I'm over-protective (for a reason) - this is a big step for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
IrisAnon · 22/07/2021 22:13

Also - I wanted to check that there was an actual plan

OP posts:
ohthatbloodycat · 22/07/2021 22:14

Hi OP. I don't think you're weird and your heart is clearly in the right place. I'd have also replied to you for sure!
However I have an 11 year old daughter who will be starting high school after the summer. As such, I consider her too old to be followed, and she'd be mortified too.
I get that you're anxious, but please don't allow that to impinge on your son's life too much.

amelema · 22/07/2021 22:15

I would have replied but I have noticed that a lot of the school parents..at least at my daughters school..are all a bit strange and awkward. Probably the weirdest/hardest to read/up and down people I've met in my life so far. All of them are strange, not came across one normal one so I think this is just par for the course.

FionnulaTheCooler · 22/07/2021 22:16

How did you get the other parents details to add them on WhatsApp if you don't know them?