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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird WhatsApp parent behaviour or my social anxiety?

356 replies

IrisAnon · 22/07/2021 21:44

DS 11yrs is meeting up with friends. This will be the first time he's done this I'm also going for a coffee so I can track him from a distance He's part of a close group of friends, but due to COVID, I haven't met any of the other parents. So I thought I would just create a little Whatsapp group to say 'hi' to the other parents, say I'd be tailing along at a distance and to check they'd also heard about the plans.

One very brief response and nothing else. Not even a 'hi there'.....nothing. One asked who this was (understandable - random invite), I intro'd myself and then nothing else.
Is that a bit unfriendly of the other 8 parents, or do I just have weird expectations? It's not like I'm expecting a big chat, just a wave or a 'sounds like fun' or something friendly. Our children are great friends with no drama. Seriously, I'm beginning to doubt that I know how to interact with people after lockdown!

OP posts:
Zhampagne · 23/07/2021 00:24

I am pretty selective about where I give out my phone number so I don’t appreciate being added to random WhatsApp groups by strangers. I’d probably have acknowledged you but I would then have left the group.

Zhampagne · 23/07/2021 00:26

@thepeopleversuswork

Possibly irrelevant to the thread and I do think the OP is a bit OTT…

But I don’t get the idea that adding people to a group WhatsApp is bad etiquette. Seems totally normal to me that you would do that. Anyone getting offended by that I can’t help wondering if you have been living under a rock for about five years…

Send me an invitation by all means but don’t add me to a group without asking me first.
Derbee · 23/07/2021 00:28

Sorry, I wouldn’t have replied because I’d think you were wildly overprotective and a bit crazy. I wouldn’t want to encourage the behaviour by saying “great, thanks for tailing the kids through town” and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that seems so intense and paranoid.

Like a PP said, if there’s nothing nice to say, don’t say anything. That’s why I wouldn’t reply to the WhatsApp. Only giving feedback here because you asked!

Eatenpig · 23/07/2021 00:30

@Derbee

Sorry, I wouldn’t have replied because I’d think you were wildly overprotective and a bit crazy. I wouldn’t want to encourage the behaviour by saying “great, thanks for tailing the kids through town” and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that seems so intense and paranoid.

Like a PP said, if there’s nothing nice to say, don’t say anything. That’s why I wouldn’t reply to the WhatsApp. Only giving feedback here because you asked!

I think a lot of parents I know who think this. I'm too nice so would have felt compelled to message and say I had no concerns and they'd be fine
Bridezillamaybe · 23/07/2021 00:35

I can't imagine not responding and I don't think most people would be so rude. Could you tell us what you wrote in the message?

toocold54 · 23/07/2021 00:35

If they don’t know each other they are probably waiting on someone else to reply first. This often happens in group chats.

MrsFlinch · 23/07/2021 00:42

@TheCrowening

It’s hardly a trip, he’s just going into town with his mates. I think you’ve made this into a much bigger thing than it needed to be, hence why nobody’s replied. They’re probably a bit confused.
Yes totally agree with this.

Does your son know you’ll be in town? If not it is now likely one of the other parents may have told thier dc and it will get back to your ds?

How will he feel if he finds out if mum was following, is he likely to get teased by the others?
Going to town for the first time unaccompanied is a big deal. I still remember the first time I went with my friend at 10 years old I’d have been mortified if my mum had tailed me.

If you really must, Would you not be better going into town to do your own thing and let your son know that you’re only a phone call away if he needs you.

Wearywithteens · 23/07/2021 00:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Spartak · 23/07/2021 01:00

Perhaps the other parents are annoyed at being added to a what's app group, and by default having their mobile number shared with people they dont know?

I wouldn't be thrilled if I'm honest.

Snugglybuggly · 23/07/2021 01:03

It's all a bit over the top

bto35 · 23/07/2021 01:07

I would have responded and said hi I’m so and so mum but wouldn’t have stayed in a wattsapp group

mandes1 · 23/07/2021 01:09

@headlock

I would've responded and don't find this weird at all. I'd be glad one of the parents was keeping an eye on them if they're just venturing out alone.
Me too!
pinkcircustop · 23/07/2021 01:21

Yeah, YABU and you are the weird one here.

They haven’t replied because there’s no need to. I don’t think it was appropriate if you to collate their numbers into a group like that; secondary school parents don’t need to interact.

Saoirse82 · 23/07/2021 01:24

I would definitely have replied, I do think its rude not to. The parents seem odd to me, not you OP. I might not tail behind but I wouldn't have an issue with a parent keeping an eye out.

LittleMissGossip · 23/07/2021 01:30

@IrisAnon I would definitely have replied, in fact (and I guess I'm an oddball Grin) but I would have been happy to have some sort of communication with other parents.

Cocomarine · 23/07/2021 01:30

I don’t understand how you haven’t met any of your son’s friend’s parents - all 8 of them?!
Even with Covid.
Do secondaries do class lists? Surely not. So still primary? (most Y7 are 12 now)
Did he transfer in quite late?

I find your need to check that the other parents knew the plan a bit… patronising?

I would have replied, moreso if no-one else did. But I would find you tagging along to Big Town odd, and creating a group about it odd too.

No biggie - I wouldn’t think you were a total nutnut! Just… replying wouldn’t be my biggest priority.

You haven’t said what your actual message was, but it’s odd that someone asked who you were - surely you started “this is Jakob Jones’s mum Sue, he’s in class with your boys…”

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 23/07/2021 01:37

Tell your child what you’ve done. Then at least they’ll have a chance to prepare a response to the inevitable teasing.

Tinpotspectator · 23/07/2021 06:54

The parents were rude.

pastafeend · 23/07/2021 06:55

@thepeopleversuswork

But I don’t get the idea that adding people to a group WhatsApp is bad etiquette. Seems totally normal to me that you would do that. Anyone getting offended by that I can’t help wondering if you have been living under a rock for about five years…

I haven't been living 'under a rock' for years. I mentioned earlier I would find this very intrusive. I don't want to be part of a group. You say it's normal to make a group and add people but my normal is that I am not in any groups and have no interest in being part of that. I reserve the right to choose, and that doesn't mean I'm out in the position where I can choose to leave a group, it means I should not be added to something in the first place unless I am asked.

jobsagudden · 23/07/2021 07:07

I've only read your comments OP so not all thread but if this happened to me and someone added me into a WhatsApp group that was well intentioned I'd definitely make conversation and be interested to meet my DC's friends parents. I don't think it's weird. My DC are younger but 11 is still so little I don't think it's weird at all. Maybe you'll get some more replies today?

Seasidemumma77 · 23/07/2021 07:15

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

They’re probably a bit pissed off that you’re assuming their children need watching and that they’re being somewhat negligent by also not planning to follow their high school children...
Exactly this, couldn't have put this better.
allyouneedisconnection · 23/07/2021 07:18

I think it's rude they haven't responded.

Jessicabrassica · 23/07/2021 07:19

I don't know any of DDs friends now they're in y7. Most of her school mates are bus kids (rural area) so they can't hang out after school. She makes her own arrangements to meet people in town although I will often drop her in ( buses are every couple of hours, it's 10km away). When she's had sleep overs I've insisted on parent contact details though.

Shirleyphallus · 23/07/2021 07:23

Can you imagine being this poor lad where his mum is hiding behind lampposts and peering out from behind newspapers in a comedy trench coat and moustache disguise all the way around town?! Grin

MiddleParking · 23/07/2021 07:27

@silkience

I think most people groan inwardly at any type of WhatsApp group. Also, I don’t know what you mean by ‘overprotective (for a reason)’ but I would be entirely uninterested in a total stranger’s reason for being overprotective of their child and I definitely wouldn’t want them projecting that reasoning onto my child. They might well have been welcoming the opportunity for their secondary aged child to develop some independence (not least because it would mean, for example, they could stop being in WhatsApp groups with other parents, which is the type of thing most people find a bit of a chore) and it might well have irritated them that you’ve unilaterally decided to override that

Oh give over @MiddleParking you sound bloody ridiculous! "Unilaterally overridden their joy at welcoming the opportunity for independence yada yada" what a total bloody overreaction to something that will Literally have zero impact on your child, or their independence. Others saying how it will completely freak out their child to have another kids parent having a coffee and keeping an eye out, if that's the case your kids are not ready to be out alone, there are far weirder things they will Encounter in your average town centre

  1. Op they are rude, it's rude to ignore a message sent with clearly good intentions, they should have acknowledged at the very least
  2. I have seen MANY a thread on here where people have been absolutely roasted for leaving a ten year old alone, or for asking if others would, responses like "my 12 year old has just started to go out alone" etc so I think in this case, as is often the case, the early posts have set the tone and people just pile in.
I think you sound pretty ‘bloody ridiculous’ yourself, snap! Smile
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