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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird WhatsApp parent behaviour or my social anxiety?

356 replies

IrisAnon · 22/07/2021 21:44

DS 11yrs is meeting up with friends. This will be the first time he's done this I'm also going for a coffee so I can track him from a distance He's part of a close group of friends, but due to COVID, I haven't met any of the other parents. So I thought I would just create a little Whatsapp group to say 'hi' to the other parents, say I'd be tailing along at a distance and to check they'd also heard about the plans.

One very brief response and nothing else. Not even a 'hi there'.....nothing. One asked who this was (understandable - random invite), I intro'd myself and then nothing else.
Is that a bit unfriendly of the other 8 parents, or do I just have weird expectations? It's not like I'm expecting a big chat, just a wave or a 'sounds like fun' or something friendly. Our children are great friends with no drama. Seriously, I'm beginning to doubt that I know how to interact with people after lockdown!

OP posts:
pastafeend · 22/07/2021 22:16

How did you set up a WhatsApp group and add people you don't know?

I would find it very intrusive if someone randomly brought me into a group of other people.

Buppers · 22/07/2021 22:16

Tricky, OP. I think you really have to resign yourself to not knowing your children's friends' parents once they start secondary school.

I don't even have Whatsapp, so is it possible that other parents don't, either? If I did, I'd probably reply with something banal so as not to be rude, but I'd not pursue it.

MsTSwift · 22/07/2021 22:17

I think you are still in primary mode most parents are stepping back now. When they get to secondary they make all sorts of random friends with minimal parental involvement

FuckingHateRats · 22/07/2021 22:17

I'd reply out of politeness, but probably to reassure you they'll be fine and I'm sure it won't be necessary. They're probably a bit bemused.

PatchworkElmer · 22/07/2021 22:19

I’d be a bit weirded out if someone I didn’t know announced that they’d be keeping an eye on my child from a distance. I don’t think you needed to tell the other parents this- just tell DS where you’ll be and park yourself in a coffee shop for a few hours.

Nicknacky · 22/07/2021 22:21

What are they doing that needs a plan?

Hyacinth88 · 22/07/2021 22:22

I would have replied.
Some might see it as a bit OTT but it's rude not to reply.
V strange behaviour

chivemycar · 22/07/2021 22:23

Yeah I would find it strange another parent
Messaging to say they’ll be following the kids around.

Thesheerrelief · 22/07/2021 22:24

I'd be concerned about you tailing my child if I got that message. 11 year olds don't necessarily need a plan - it could be hanging out, going for a walk etc. You say you are over protective for a reason but don't have your son be the kid with the OTT mother.

LabStan · 22/07/2021 22:25

The great thing about secondary school is not having to be 'friends' because your kids are friends and not having to buy teachers Thsnk you presents!

LagunaBubbles · 22/07/2021 22:25

I think if this was my DS he would be mortified that I was planning on following him and his friends. I would like to think I would reply though but that's no way I would message back and say you're being paranoid.

AnnaBellaCruella · 22/07/2021 22:26

That’s weird

gobbynorthernbird · 22/07/2021 22:26

You say you haven't met due to covid but chances are your DS will finish high school without you having met most of the parents of his friends.

Nohomemadecandles · 22/07/2021 22:29

I'm not sure it's a big enough deal for its own WhatsApp group at their age. (The stalking thing's a bit odd but each to their own.)
Could you just say it's so you have each others numbers just in case etc ? I suppose it's done now. Maybe they're just busy.

SapphosRock · 22/07/2021 22:29

I would have replied politely but privately thought you were a bit odd.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 22/07/2021 22:29

I'd have replied, but thought it was weird.
And been mildly pissed off that I've been made to join yet another whatsapp group.

Then I'd wonder how long I can go before I can delete myself without looking rude.

7catsisnotenough · 22/07/2021 22:30

Ummm...your 11 year old is going out at gone 9.30pm to meet his friends? Or are you posting in advance of a meeting tomorrow OP? If he's out tonight meeting after 9.30 I would be worried tbh, if it's a daytime meeting then I think you might need to step back a little bit, cross your fingers and trust him, good luck!

LubaLuca · 22/07/2021 22:33

What on earth do you think a small group of 11 year olds could get up to that would require close surveillance? Are you planning on stepping in if you think they're buying too many sweets?

Glitterblue · 22/07/2021 22:34

I'd reply to you, OP. My DD is 11 too and recently had her first trip into town with her friends. I so wanted to go and sit in Starbucks, but managed to restrain myself! I dropped her off, we said I would pick her up in 1.5 hours, and we put a tracker on her phone. We also use an app with her that uses 3 words - I think it's called what 3 words or something like that- and she can text us 3 words that she is given from the app on her phone, and the app on our phones tells us exactly where she is. I hope it all goes OK, OP - it's a nerve wracking thing when they start to do these things for the first time.

Hercisback · 22/07/2021 22:34

The following bit makes it wierd. Introducing yourself and checking there is a plan is fine. How did you get the numbers?!

pastafeend · 22/07/2021 22:34

@7catsisnotenough

Ummm...your 11 year old is going out at gone 9.30pm to meet his friends? Or are you posting in advance of a meeting tomorrow OP? If he's out tonight meeting after 9.30 I would be worried tbh, if it's a daytime meeting then I think you might need to step back a little bit, cross your fingers and trust him, good luck!

Where are you getting 930 from?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/07/2021 22:34

Ok, so 11 is really quite old to be going out with friends for the first time. Most would have done that a few years ago.

Which means that creating a WhatsApp group with complete strangers, in what they would seem as unnecessary (given that they would have gone through this when their children were younger) is actually pretty rude.

I don't want to be in yet another WhatsApp group. I'm not sure I would have responded because of the 'if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say it' rule.

TheStarbucksMermaid · 22/07/2021 22:35

Hmm. They probably think you're a bit much? Sorry Sad

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 22/07/2021 22:35

Errr. Yeah sorry. I wouldn't be replying because I'd think you were mental and I would not be keen on the idea of you following my kid around and so massively overplanning some tweens hanging out together. So I'd say nothing, on the "If you can't say anything nice" principle.

FATEdestiny · 22/07/2021 22:35

What are they going to do?

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