To have said no to this boy taking DD to the park?

[vors]

About a month ago, DD (almost 3) made friends with a girl at the park, she's about the same age, she was at the Park with her uncle (about 15/16). Since then, whenever DD sees the boy she says hello to him or waves. Yesterday, I was with DD and we saw the boy and the little girl, DD said hello to both of them and then the boy told me he was taking her to the park and asked if DD wanted to go with them, I said no but cue a massive tantrum from DD.

I told my DH and he said I should've let her go as i would know where she was and that I'm being overprotective by saying no, but i don't even know the boy, I only know his name and his age!

Aibu?

As others have said I'd question your dh's ability to make rational decisions tbh.

No intelligent person would let their 3 year old go off with a stranger. Whether they were 15, 20, male female whatever. It doesn't matter. They're a stranger .

You are not making any sense, and are being overly dramatic. And by the way, some of us who disagree with your hysterical rant are FEMALE....

Anyone can go online and claim to be "FEMALE".

IMO anyone who throws absolute screaming tantrums because a woman they don't even know has the audacity to post online about not wanting a strange man to take their toddler, is dodgy and I do not trust them.

Ditto, painting anyone who cares about safeguarding as "hysterical" (nice use of misogynistic slurs there!).

This thread is sheer misogyny and handmaiden-ism.

Nothing to do with "potential molesters".
He's still a boy, a child and 3 years off being a man.
He's not a child. You think all teenage boys are pure and innocent? That teenage boys never ever commit rape or any other form of sexual offence? Are you kidding me? Statistically this young man is probably completely fine and just a bit naïve. But it's weird how people are acting like being a teenager means someone cannot possibly be a predator. It's a fact that boys

it's still very unpleasant comparing the it to Venables and Thompson and poor little Jamie Bulger. That was entirely different.
How do you know? You don't - because you don't know this young man. At all. He literally does not exist for you at all, other than as an anonymous figure you've read about on a message board. Why the desperation to white knight for a total stranger who you'll never meet and whose name you'll never know?

People saying "it's such a shame we live in a world where women regard every strange man as a potential threat" are displaying internalised misogyny.

What they should be saying is: "it's a shame we live in a world where every strange man IS a potential threat, because rates of violence and sexual violence against women and girls is so high."

FYI there have been at least two cases in the press this year alone of 15-year-old boys being convicted of raping children.

A 15 yr old in Kettering was convicted of raping a child, and another 15 yr old in Yorkshire was convicted of having committed 12 separate rapes on multiple young boys.

According to a BBC article, at least three boys aged 10-11are convicted of sexual assault every year (the most boys in this age range convicted of sexual assault in a single year was 12).

In boys aged 12-14, that number jumps as high as 144 convictions in a year.

That's still all kids under the age of 15.

And again: I am NOT accusing this particular teenager of being a predator or saying he's likely to be a predator. Statistically, the chance of any particular teenage boy being a sexual predator is extremely small.

But not non-existent.

Statistically the chance of a 40-year-old man being a child rapist is also very small, but I bet anything if someone posted "a 40-year man who I don't know approached me wanting to take my toddler to the park" the response would be very different.

At what age do you consider strange men to be a potential risk?

YANBU!

Is this another one of those funny ones?

No way you’re 100% right

Would people feel differently if it was a 15/16 year old girl? Would this be seen as just as dodgy?

I wouldn’t have let anyone (girl or boy) take my DC if I didn’t know them.

You are not making any sense, and are being overly dramatic. And by the way, some of us who disagree with your hysterical rant are FEMALE....

Anyone can go online and claim to be "FEMALE".

you don't say

Someone who starts throwing the word "handmaiden" to anyone disagreeing with them just proves they are not there for a discussion but to rant and ignore everything else but their nonsense.

Statistically the chance of a 40-year-old man being a child rapist is also very small, but I bet anything if someone posted "a 40-year man who I don't know approached me wanting to take my toddler to the park" the response would be very different.

Really? The response would be "of course send him"? Is that what you think?
Because the reply on this thread is not to send your kid with that stranger...

No way

No

No way would I have let her go with him.
Two is so little! Mine are 8 and 10 and I wouldn't be happy about them going off with a much older boy I didn't even know.

Yanbu. He's a stranger.

What the hell is wrong with your DH?

Your DH must be crazy to think it's ok for his 3 year old to go off with a stranger! Unbelievable. Does he think a teenager is a safer bet than an unknown middle aged man for example?

If your dh is ok with handing your 3yo to a stranger, he should probably not be in sole charge of her, ever. What a nitwit.

Hear hear @livingwitheds1984

I really could not care less about the opinions of people who think we shouldn’t view any male as a potential abuser. The statistics are there. I’ll protect my children from all strangers but I won’t ignore that statistically they’re at much higher risk from males.

Yes, most males are lovely people. This boy is probably a lovely young man, but the risk in finding out is not worth it.

Obviously certain posters have never been raped. I have - including being raped by a teenager only a couple of years older than me. I'm betting most of the posters who are outraged at the possibility of anyone regarding young men as anything other than pure innocents are older women who are projecting onto their own teenage sons.

No one's saying your little darling is a potential rapist, so stop acting personally attacked. It's just a fact of life that we live in a world that's unsafe for women and girls. Unfortunately women do have to have an awareness of that.

Are you offended on your sons' behalves every time you see a woman cross the street late at night because there's a man walking behind her? Or walk with her keys in her hand? Or refuse to drink any drink that's been left unattended? Or do any of the thousand things young women do, to make themselves feel safer? Do you regard those women as "hysterical" and "sick" too?

Someone who starts throwing the word "handmaiden" to anyone disagreeing with them just proves they are not there for a discussion but to rant and ignore everything else but their nonsense.

Someone who starts throwing the word "hysterical" to anyone disagreeing with them just proves they are not there for a discussion but to rant and ignore everything else but their nonsense.

I have tried to debate reasonably, but the posters who disagree with safeguarding came into the debate from the very start using heightened and unpleasant emotive language like "you posters are sick" "hysterical ranting nonsense" and comparisons to 1984.

The irony of being told that I'm "ranting hysterical nonsense" from posters whose level of discourse is to scream at everyone who holds a different opinion that they are "hysterical and sick"!

The irony of being called hysterical, when posters have accused women of being "interfering busybodies" for making choices over their own small children!

No one has accused this guy of being a pedo, simply stated that the risks of ANY strange man are too high because there is simply no way to know which men are okay and which men are dodgy. That's not "hysteria" or "acting like it's 1984" or "accusing men of being pedos", it's just how women have to live considering the amount of sexual violence around.

It’s not nonsense when 98% of sexual crimes are committed by males.

@KhalliWhalli

I won’t even let MY OWN 16 year old take his younger sister to the park, so YANBU!

What? Why not? Mystified by this one!

He sounds like a lovely uncle but he’s a stranger to you and it’s a no! Nothing about the age or being a boy but you don’t send your child off with strangers be they sweet little 60 something grandma look alike s or 15 year old boys.

Id seriously question his ability to parent safely if he thinks you should send your 2 year old off with a random teenage / random person.

Im sure the lad was trying to be kind, but having twins a bit younger it's so hard at things like parks as their Mom let alone to a toddler i didnt kmow

When my dd was in year 1, her friends mum offered to take her and her own dd to the park after school. I declined as at that point I didn't know the mum that well and didn't know how well she would watch my dd etc. Since then I've got to know the mum and she's a capable, kind person, and in hindsight I was probably being too overprotective. However no way would I allow a teenage boy I barely know to take my 4 year old, you are definitely nbu.

@pleasedonttextmyman

It's sad that some people have had horrific experience, and it's understandable it's making them bitter and completely unreasonable.

Posters should seek help and support to go through their trauma, it's not healthy - and very unfair - to be left living in so much fear and upset.
There's no shame in asking for professional help, there really is not.

Victims should not be left suffering and be the ones punished because of someone else's actions.

Wow

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

no need to be goady
I am trying to avoid being taken into a bunfight and be respectful, and while I obviously disagree, admit that opinions come from different points of view.

You really need to stop now, it's becoming bad taste.

@pleasedonttextmyman

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

no need to be goady
I am trying to avoid being taken into a bunfight and be respectful, and while I obviously disagree, admit that opinions come from different points of view.

You really need to stop now, it's becoming bad taste.

Ok, this one just made me laugh.

I get what you’re doing now