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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have said no to this boy taking DD to the park?

207 replies

vors · 21/07/2021 10:05

About a month ago, DD (almost 3) made friends with a girl at the park, she's about the same age, she was at the Park with her uncle (about 15/16). Since then, whenever DD sees the boy she says hello to him or waves. Yesterday, I was with DD and we saw the boy and the little girl, DD said hello to both of them and then the boy told me he was taking her to the park and asked if DD wanted to go with them, I said no but cue a massive tantrum from DD.

I told my DH and he said I should've let her go as i would know where she was and that I'm being overprotective by saying no, but i don't even know the boy, I only know his name and his age!

Aibu?

OP posts:
SVRT19674 · 21/07/2021 13:37

It was nice of him to offer, but no, my three year old, apart from mum and dad is only supervised by people I know well.

Whimsy14 · 21/07/2021 13:39

Until there are no predators and there is no sexual abuse of children, I’m more than happy to add to “a society of general mistrust, suspicion and witch hunting.”I wish my mum had had “this attitude”
What a sad indictment of today's society. Everyone suspicious of everybody else; it's like something out of '1984.'

TinaYouFatLard · 21/07/2021 13:39

It wouldn’t have been fair on him to have taken up his kind offer.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/07/2021 13:43

Hell no! That is classic abuser behaviour, befriend someone with a young child via their own relation, gain trust and then move in for their sick pleasure

Good Lord it was probably just a misjudged offer.

I wouldn't because I didn't know them.

Casmama · 21/07/2021 13:45

@MadamBatty

For those people saying it’s a bit of a leap, not all boys are abusers yada yada. Surely this is what safe guarding is all about? Imagining the worst case scenario & mitigating risk?

By not letting the 3 year old go you’re protecting the 15 year old too.

What If the 2 3 year olds run off in opposite directions

How was he going to manage a toilet break?

So much to consider

Most sensible comment on the thread.
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 21/07/2021 13:48

@Whimsy14

Until there are no predators and there is no sexual abuse of children, I’m more than happy to add to “a society of general mistrust, suspicion and witch hunting.”I wish my mum had had “this attitude” What a sad indictment of today's society. Everyone suspicious of everybody else; it's like something out of '1984.'
Nope. The word you’re looking for is “safeguarding”
Bbq1 · 21/07/2021 13:51

@ChainJane

Hell no! That is classic abuser behaviour, befriend someone with a young child via their own relation, gain trust and then move in for their sick pleasure.

Given that children are more likely to be abused by family or people known to them you'd actually be less irresponsible to let your daughter wander off to the park on her own than let her go with this potential predator.

That's really horrible to compare a 15 year old boy to a predatory abuser talking about him moving in for his "sick pleasure". That's a really sick comment to make about what amounts to a teenage uncle taking his niece to the park. Of course Op's 3 year couldn't be allowed to go with a stranger but it does not make the boy a paedophile.
EishetChayil · 21/07/2021 13:52

Not in a million years.

pleasedonttextmyman · 21/07/2021 13:58

@ChainJane

Hell no! That is classic abuser behaviour, befriend someone with a young child via their own relation, gain trust and then move in for their sick pleasure.

Given that children are more likely to be abused by family or people known to them you'd actually be less irresponsible to let your daughter wander off to the park on her own than let her go with this potential predator.

I actually worry about any child being raised in such a toxic environment, if everyone is seen as a potential "predator".

Some teens are nice, and will take their siblings or little cousins.
Some teens do as they are told, and get some privileges in exchange for taking the little ones out.

No need to insult every male you see of being a sexual abuser.

RealBecca · 21/07/2021 14:00

Are you sure he wasnt asking her but assuming you would join them?

Bbq1 · 21/07/2021 14:05

Yes, it's just horrible that ppl on here are so quick to label a 15 year old CHILD. I very, very much doubt he offers to take his 3 yo niece to the park to scout for children to abuse. That's a sick and disgusting thing to think. As I say, of course 3 yo shouldn't have gone but I wouldn't let a child go with man/ woman/ teenage bpy or girl of family I didn't know because they're strangers not because I assume they're all abusers.

Whimsy14 · 21/07/2021 14:20

Nope.The word you’re looking for is “safeguarding

No, I'm not looking for the word 'safeguarding.' To be suspicious of every male and view them as a potential predator is not called safeguarding, it's just sick.
Safeguarding is a job for parents, teachers and other adults who have charge of children. It doesn't mean that every busybody in the street should accuse perfectly normal teenage boys of being a potential molester.

SlothinSpirit · 21/07/2021 14:22

I think people are reading far too much into this poor boy's offer. He probably realises that his sibling is over the moon to get their 3yo out of their hair for a few hours when he takes her to the park and is offering to do the same for the OP. Of course it would be inappropriate for all sorts of reasons for the OP to take him up on his offer but a 15 year old can't necessarily be expected to realise this.

Comedycook · 21/07/2021 14:23

Chances are he's a nice boy who probably offered something thinking it would be nice but was perhaps a bit naive in terms of how much work it might be and why someone might not be comfortable with this.

Cloudninenine · 21/07/2021 14:25

Over my dead body would I pack my toddler off with ANYONE I didn’t know, let alone a teenage boy.

KarenofSparta · 21/07/2021 14:26

@Cloudninenine

Over my dead body would I pack my toddler off with ANYONE I didn’t know, let alone a teenage boy.
IKR 🤷🏻‍♀️
BettyOBarley · 21/07/2021 14:32

Whaaat?!
I wouldn't let me 7yr old go off with some random 15yr old, never mind a 3yr old!
I think your DH is being worryingly naive.

livingwitheds1984 · 21/07/2021 14:42

It's amazing how utterly enraged and furious some men people get when men are denied access to children. They really do think having access to whatever they want is their birthright, don't they?

No mother with a single ounce of common sense would let some random strange man who approached them in a park just take their toddler off unsupervised.

To be suspicious of every male and view them as a potential predator is not called safeguarding, it's just sick.

No, letting your toddler go off unsupervised with every random Tom, Dick or Harry who approaches you in public is sick.

It doesn't mean that every busybody in the street should accuse perfectly normal teenage boys of being a potential molester.

Interesting use of language there.

Mothers making choices for their own toddlers = INTERFERRING BUSYBODIES. (Is it really possible to "interfere" over your own baby??)

Politely saying no to a strange man wanting unsupervised access to a strange child - ACCUSING THEM!!!!

Total stranger = perfectly normal teenage boy.

The fact is you have absolutely no idea who this man is or whether he is "normal" or not. Yes, statistically he probably is normal. But there's simply no way to tell. Because he is a total stranger.

It's remarkable how anonymous Internet posters who have never even laid eyes on this guy, who don't know him from Adam, who only know he exists from reading a message board, have automatically assumed thinks about his character and personality purely because he is a man.

Anyone With A Penis = Good, Mother=Bad. Thanks for clarifying!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 21/07/2021 15:35

@Whimsy14

Nope.The word you’re looking for is “safeguarding

No, I'm not looking for the word 'safeguarding.' To be suspicious of every male and view them as a potential predator is not called safeguarding, it's just sick.
Safeguarding is a job for parents, teachers and other adults who have charge of children. It doesn't mean that every busybody in the street should accuse perfectly normal teenage boys of being a potential molester.

Erm, we’ll that’s exactly what the OP (a parent) is asking us (other parents) to give their opinion on.
PaulaPetunia · 21/07/2021 15:36

angstriddenhipster I agree.

Noone sensible would suggest it really!

PaulaPetunia · 21/07/2021 15:39

The lad is likely fine but you have to draw a form line over who you entrust your young child to. And make sure her dad is up to sowed too!

PaulaPetunia · 21/07/2021 15:39

Up to speed.

pleasedonttextmyman · 21/07/2021 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pleasedonttextmyman · 21/07/2021 15:41

Erm, we’ll that’s exactly what the OP (a parent) is asking us (other parents) to give their opinion on.

no

Pretty much everyone agrees that sending your child with a complete stranger is a big no.

Most of us don't have an issue because it's a teenage BOY, it would be same answer if it was a middle-age or elderly grand-mother.

Nothing to do with "potential molesters".

Bbq1 · 21/07/2021 15:42

@livingwitheds1984

It's amazing how utterly enraged and furious some men people get when men are denied access to children. They really do think having access to whatever they want is their birthright, don't they?

No mother with a single ounce of common sense would let some random strange man who approached them in a park just take their toddler off unsupervised.

To be suspicious of every male and view them as a potential predator is not called safeguarding, it's just sick.

No, letting your toddler go off unsupervised with every random Tom, Dick or Harry who approaches you in public is sick.

It doesn't mean that every busybody in the street should accuse perfectly normal teenage boys of being a potential molester.

Interesting use of language there.

Mothers making choices for their own toddlers = INTERFERRING BUSYBODIES. (Is it really possible to "interfere" over your own baby??)

Politely saying no to a strange man wanting unsupervised access to a strange child - ACCUSING THEM!!!!

Total stranger = perfectly normal teenage boy.

The fact is you have absolutely no idea who this man is or whether he is "normal" or not. Yes, statistically he probably is normal. But there's simply no way to tell. Because he is a total stranger.

It's remarkable how anonymous Internet posters who have never even laid eyes on this guy, who don't know him from Adam, who only know he exists from reading a message board, have automatically assumed thinks about his character and personality purely because he is a man.

Anyone With A Penis = Good, Mother=Bad. Thanks for clarifying!

Not really a man is he? He's still a boy, a child and 3 years off being a man. Not one pp in this thread has said the Op should have allowed the dd to go to the park with the boy. NOT ONE. However, what people are unhappy about is making the huge leap from friendly teenager to abusing predator and thinking a teenage uncle is out to abuse children. The toddler shouldn't be going off with ANYONE who is a stranger but it's still very unpleasant comparing the it to Venables and Thompson and poor little Jamie Bulger. That was entirely different.
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