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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to this boy taking DD to the park?

207 replies

vors · 21/07/2021 10:05

About a month ago, DD (almost 3) made friends with a girl at the park, she's about the same age, she was at the Park with her uncle (about 15/16). Since then, whenever DD sees the boy she says hello to him or waves. Yesterday, I was with DD and we saw the boy and the little girl, DD said hello to both of them and then the boy told me he was taking her to the park and asked if DD wanted to go with them, I said no but cue a massive tantrum from DD.

I told my DH and he said I should've let her go as i would know where she was and that I'm being overprotective by saying no, but i don't even know the boy, I only know his name and his age!

Aibu?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 21/07/2021 10:57

I think you need to have a chat with your DH and make sure he is on the same pages. Explain to him all the various risks.

Darkstar4855 · 21/07/2021 10:57

YANBU. I have a nearly 3yo with a 15yo stepson. We would never leave the teenager to take the little one somewhere on his own. It’s easy for a teenager to be distracted by his phone and only takes a minute for a toddler to run into the road or choke or fall and injure themselves.

RozHuntleysLeftHand · 21/07/2021 11:00

I'm not "leaping" to abuser ffs.

Just saying that the nicest lad we knew who "loved" looking after the kids in gatherings was dodgy as fuck.

So no I didn't let mine run off and play with others minus supervision until I was sure he was confident/ old enough/ understood whats inappropriate to deal with it,and even now I am vigilant.

That shit sticks with you for life, trust me.

Hoppinggreen · 21/07/2021 11:01

@ChainJane

Hell no! That is classic abuser behaviour, befriend someone with a young child via their own relation, gain trust and then move in for their sick pleasure.

Given that children are more likely to be abused by family or people known to them you'd actually be less irresponsible to let your daughter wander off to the park on her own than let her go with this potential predator.

Bit drastic Of course it’s right to be cautious but we don’t know this was anything other than a kind (if misguided) gesture
Mummyoflittledragon · 21/07/2021 11:02

It was nice of him to ask and much as he is unlikely to be an abuser, I wouldn’t let his take your dd as he’s a stranger, young and unlikely to understand how differently toddlers can act / react eg bolters, jumping off tall equipment etc.

@RozHuntleysLeftHand
I am so sorry this happened to you. I have no words. How horrendous for you Flowers

Peach01 · 21/07/2021 11:02

There's no way I would've agreed to that. You don't know him.

Squiz81 · 21/07/2021 11:02

No chance I’d have allowed this.

Hallyup6 · 21/07/2021 11:03

Seems like a nice lad but no, I wouldn't let my 3 year old go with him alone. I'd tell him thank you and it's kind of him to offer but I wouldn't feel comfortable allowing him to be responsible for her by himself. If he's mature enough to take his niece to the park unsupervised, he's mature enough to understand that.

pleasedonttextmyman · 21/07/2021 11:06

@Darkstar4855

YANBU. I have a nearly 3yo with a 15yo stepson. We would never leave the teenager to take the little one somewhere on his own. It’s easy for a teenager to be distracted by his phone and only takes a minute for a toddler to run into the road or choke or fall and injure themselves.
if you only see the stepson on some holidays and they don't know each other well, I can understand, but otherwise it's a bit of a worry if a sibling can't be trusted with their little brother or sister Confused
CaptainMyCaptain · 21/07/2021 11:07

YADNBU. I wouldn't have let him take her.

Dohrehmee · 21/07/2021 11:10

No way . Could be all
Innocent. But you don’t know him. she might run off. Worse case scenario he could be a paedophile. It takes a few minutes to abuse a child. And only if that child says what happened to them.

krustykittens · 21/07/2021 11:11

I would be really worried about your husband's ability to safeguard your daughter now. Would he let her go alone with anyone he is on nodding terms with? This boy could be perfectly lovely but you don't know him!

PepperPrig · 21/07/2021 11:11

You must be joking.

I sometimes wonder whether men in general (and perhaps your DH?) have a chip about being trusted less than women (at least in their minds and even in spite of the statistics which might bear out such difference in risk assessment) and so push for these sort of things to somehow "prove" that it's all fine.

This situation isn't that, though. I wouldn't have said yes to such an offer from this other toddler's mother (a grown woman) either if I knew her only to that level.

I'd be having a proper discussion about this with him to make sure he doesn't do this sort of thing when he's in sole charge of her. Bonkers and irresponsible.

CanofCant · 21/07/2021 11:11

YANBU and I'd be very worried about your husband's lack of judgement. Wtf?!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 21/07/2021 11:11

No way would I have done this.
YANBU

MojoJojo71 · 21/07/2021 11:12

Not a chance. Your DH is out of his mind.

Just imagine they don’t come back when expected? Might be an innocent explanation but you have to call the police. How impressed do you think they’ll be when you can’t tell them anything about the boy you sent your daughter away with?

Jenala · 21/07/2021 11:13

Absolutely 100% YANBU. At all. What on earth is your DH thinking?

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 21/07/2021 11:13

I’m actually really surprised your DH would have been fine with this.
So many ‘what ifs’ to consider.

Not a chance in hell would I have said yes.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/07/2021 11:15

Your dh really said this? Hmm

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/07/2021 11:16

I'd consider my dh unsuitable to look after my child alone if he thought handing her over to a random teenage boy was ok.
Isn't this an issue for you, op?

AbsolutelyPatsy · 21/07/2021 11:18

how can you even ask?
of course not

MistyFrequencies · 21/07/2021 11:18

Definitely not. Why your DH would think that is fine is beyond me.

FussyLittleFucker · 21/07/2021 11:20

Not a chance - I wouldn't let anyone except a very well-known family member or friend take my 3 year old to a park!

Rachie1973 · 21/07/2021 11:20

He’s probably just one of those ‘nice’ kids, and the PP assuming he was an abuser is horribly offensive.

That said, I would have said no simply because I didn’t know him. Nothing more sinister than that.

Whimsy14 · 21/07/2021 11:21

It would also have been the behaviour of my nephew when he was 15 and came to visit my daughter. Jumping straight to abuser is pretty offensive. I wouldn’t have let my 3 year old go with any teenager I didn’t know because I’d worry whether they were responsible enough. I wouldn’t automatically assume boy = abuser.
Exactly this. Even though I wouldn't think of letting a young child go off with an unknown teenager, it's going too far to automatically assume any predatory intentions. He was very probably a kind hearted boy taking his niece to the park.

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