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Can you be a good person if you pay for sex? [Content warning: descriptions of sexual abuse]

582 replies

Lave · 18/07/2021 14:15

Do you think there's a grey area or are all men who pay for sex abusive?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 03:16

The entitlement is just huge isn't it.

I can't get sex another way. So obviously I pay for it.

Obviously?

Are there hordes of women with disabilities paying for sex? My guess is no.

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 28/07/2021 03:16

@NiceGerbil

And? Loads and loads of people can't get laid.

People with disabilities can and do have relationships.

Also people with disabilities can still be horrible people.

You misunderstand me, I'm not in any way justifying it. I think it's tragic that there is even a market for human beings. Just sharing my understanding from people who have admitted using such services.
NiceGerbil · 28/07/2021 03:32

I know I'm arguing at him not you iyswim!

iBrows · 28/07/2021 07:55

Reading this thread has made me sad.

Imagine describing the rape of young women as “intimacy”.

Prostitution is not consensual just because the woman isn’t crying and calling the police!! It’s the lack of choice that FORCES them to do it. Sex shouldn’t involve force.

sockamnesty · 28/07/2021 10:07

I used to be a prostitute / sex work. I did it for 8 years. I stopped 6 years ago.

Mostly it was ok actually and I'm glad the option exists as the alternative was much worse. It often amazes me how many people believe we have a functioning benefits system in this country. We don't. People fall through the cracks in it all the time. The UK has created a 'hostile environment' for disabled people and for people unable to work full time or even if they do, unable to meet the spiraling costs of living. Benefits in general are at the lowest level for 30 years.

This is the real problem here - not moralising, not theoretical arguments or knowledge.

I've known hundreds of sex workers both UK nationals and migrants and the vast vast majority are very resourceful and proud women simply trying to survive financially against the odds, or to get a decent lifestyle that otherwise would be far out of reach. Some (far from all) have mental health or addiction problems yes, but we know the state of MH and addiction services in this country.

My point is that we need to fix the causes of prostitution, the factors driving people into it. We need a harm reduction model which actually listens to the women involved, rather than pushing it further underground with laws which cause harm and make us further unsafe.

Yes there are 'bad clients' and bad experiences in sex work. The vast majority are respectful of boundaries actually, and most workers are very strict on screening who we will see and this minimises the risks, but yes, bad clients do happen and that's why I left when I could. As I said, the alternative (real poverty, eviction) was worse.

I'd say most men who pay for sex are no more moral or immoral than the general population. A minority are scumbags.

ConfusedNC · 28/07/2021 11:21

"I'd say most men who pay for sex are no more moral or immoral than the general population. A minority are scumbags"

I can understand why you would say this from your perspective however I don't think it is ok to rent another person's body. And I don't think it's ok for men with partners and wives to deceive them, potentially put them at risk in sexual health or spend family money on this.

I would absolutely judge men as immoral who use prostitues I'm afraid. However, none of us are one hundred percent moral or immoral, good or bad. I'm sure there are plenty of seemingly pleasant men who the sex worker/prostitutes think are ok that are writing horrible reviews on those sites and deceiving families ( as my exh did).

Chickenyhead · 28/07/2021 11:32

Not understanding what true consent was would be an absolute deal breaker for me.

I couldn't look upon such a man as "good".

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