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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where are kids supposed to play?

338 replies

lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:05

Hi
I am having a bit of a barny with my DH and well quite frankly he is trying to be thoughtful of the neighbours etc and he does work 12 he shifts but
whilst I do think he has a point and I might be being a bit unreasonable
I don't know how to approach this so thought I would see from the wise mumsnetters where you stand on this,All suggestions will be helpful!
So it's the start of the school holidays,beautiful weather,garden full of toys and pool out,happy days!This is the first year our DD 9 yes has has friends on our estate and it's wonderful.Thereis a little group of 5 and they get on amazingly and play really well,They have been round our house in the garden playing for a week,They are safe and enclosed and well a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it but they are having such a Fab time safely and under supervision I have no issues except I will try to shut them up when it gets too loud! Now I am the one listening to it all day not DH he is at work but he gets home and the garden is full of kids and he doesn;t want it, I am trying to find a balance here but what do I do? There is nowhere else for the kids to play,I don't want them out on the road it's not safe,I don't mind them here really.Its not ideal for the neighbours either but it's summer,.Am I being the neighbours from hell? Where do your kids and their friends play? Given there ages of 8 and 9 years Ithought I was doing the right thing...am I? Do people expect quiet between 11 and 7 ish? I know it's a pain hearing kids for a lot of people but where do you all stand on this?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 18/07/2021 08:10

Can they not take turns to be in each others gardens? Do they always have to be in yours?

TARDISLover · 18/07/2021 08:14

Can they not take turns to be in each others gardens? Do they always have to be in yours?

This!
can’t The other parents return the favour.

Original poster
lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:14

Well that's what I hoped but sadly the other parents don;t seem to want this.The other parents all seem happy to let them be here but never have them. It's disappointing and I don;t want a full summer of being childminder and being known as that house on the street either but it's so lovely to have my DD have friends and being happy outside,

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 18/07/2021 08:14

All of them everyday in your garden is a bit much for the neighbours really. Every now and then, a few times a week maybe but not everyday!

They can play in each others gardens to take it in turns, they can go to the park, they can ride their bikes round the estate. You say it's an estate so I'm imagining residential roads not a main road.

tootingbeclido · 18/07/2021 08:14

correct me if I am wrong..You have the neighbours kids round all day, every day? Where is the balance there?

tootingbeclido · 18/07/2021 08:16

@lazylump72

Well that's what I hoped but sadly the other parents don;t seem to want this.The other parents all seem happy to let them be here but never have them. It's disappointing and I don;t want a full summer of being childminder and being known as that house on the street either but it's so lovely to have my DD have friends and being happy outside,
You are being taken for a mug
Greenwateringcan · 18/07/2021 08:16

They need to take turns round all the gardens.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 18/07/2021 08:16

I would assume, having lived on an estate until ten years ago, that the other children live in flats, so don't actually have a garden of their own.

Sprogonthetyne · 18/07/2021 08:16

As long as it's during the day and not wall to wall screaming, which at 9 it shouldn't be, I think it's fine. 5 kids playing isn't a massive gathering anyway, some families would have that many siblings and their neighbours survive. On a more selfish note I probably would be encouraging going to play at the other friends houses aswell, so the looking after load is split between families.

GameSetMatch · 18/07/2021 08:16

I don’t mind the sound of children playing but understand others might not, I wouldn’t let them play out past 7 in case little ones and babies are trying to sleep, plus I’d need to get dinner on so I’d probably send them home at 5.30 but if they’ve been playing since 9 in the morning then a bit of quiet for the neighbours is nice!

Hellocatshome · 18/07/2021 08:17

but it's so lovely to have my DD have friends and being happy outside

Yes but but everyday! Of course the parents are not reciprocating as you are providing daily childcare with a paddling pool and toys and presumably food and drink. Tell the kids you are not having visitors today and either DD spends some time without them or go out with them to find somewhere else to play.

Greenwateringcan · 18/07/2021 08:17

@lazylump72

Well that's what I hoped but sadly the other parents don;t seem to want this.The other parents all seem happy to let them be here but never have them. It's disappointing and I don;t want a full summer of being childminder and being known as that house on the street either but it's so lovely to have my DD have friends and being happy outside,
Yeah. You’re a mug. And not being fair to your neighbours.
summersflowers · 18/07/2021 08:18

To be honest, I do think people expect noise to go up in the summer holidays.

There is nothing wrong with the children playing in your garden but I would just remind them to be considerate of neighbours.

KatherineOfGaunt · 18/07/2021 08:18

That says it all, really. The other parents are happy to let you look after the children all day every day but don't want the hassle themselves! I'm not surprised you're DH is a bit fed up if they're there every day when he comes home.

Even if you only had them over twice a week, your DD can still enjoy playing with them. Yes, you want her to still have fun but that doesn't involve being unpaid childcare and having a grumpy DH every day of the summer.

Original poster
lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:19

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

I would assume, having lived on an estate until ten years ago, that the other children live in flats, so don't actually have a garden of their own.
No lovely ..we all have the bog standard semi;s with front and back gardens.
OP posts:
saraclara · 18/07/2021 08:20

This is totally unfair on your neighbours.

a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it
But you get something out of it. And you're in control of the situation. Your neighbours have to listen to it, get no benefit, and aren't in a position to say 'okay, you're getting too noisy now. Let's have s bit of calm' put up send them home when they've had enough.

It's nice that you're arranging something for the logs, but it shouldn't be at the expense of your neighbours not being able to enjoy their own space in the summer. Every day is simply unfair.

Also you need to control their noise and their demands.

warmfluffytowels · 18/07/2021 08:20

You're being used as free childcare.

Are the parents even home when their kids are at yours? What would happen if you had to go out and you couldn't take the children back home as there was nobody there?

Are you paying for food, suncream, ice cream etc. for all these children too?

I totally get your DH's point - he's been at work all day, it's hot - he just wants to relax, not deal with a garden full of noisy neighbourhood kids.

Howshouldibehave · 18/07/2021 08:20

Don’t let the neighbours take you for a doormat!

Are you giving them all drinks and food all day as well?!

saraclara · 18/07/2021 08:21

Sorry loads of autocorrect errors

ThinWomansBrain · 18/07/2021 08:21

the other parents don't want to return the favour?
sounds like a free holiday club

Youdiditanyway · 18/07/2021 08:22

I can understand why your DH doesn’t want 5 kids from the street in your garden all day, every day. I wouldn’t want this either and I think the other parents are taking the piss allowing their children to be there 24/7.

TheQueef · 18/07/2021 08:22

It's not the ideal (where the other parents share) but if you are mindful of noise, don't let them out early and get them in before they irritate the neighbours then imo you are doing nothing wrong.
As long as you keep in mind outside is shared and don't dominate the area it's ok.

DysmalRadius · 18/07/2021 08:22

What's your husband's problem? Is he annoyed that your hospitality isn't reciprocated? That he thinks you're being taken advantage of? Or just that he doesn't want kids in the garden when he gets home?

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 18/07/2021 08:23

Your WFH neighbours must hate this.

As PP said, it’s expected that noise will increase in the summer holidays, but all day every day??!!

You would be the neighbour from hell if you were next door to me and there’s was screeching and screaming from 9am into the early evening.

saraclara · 18/07/2021 08:23

And yes, for goodness sake, after a 12 hour shift, your DH should be able to come home and relax, not have half a dozen random kids screaming in his garden every day. At least send the kids home before he arrives.

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