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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where are kids supposed to play?

338 replies

lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:05

Hi
I am having a bit of a barny with my DH and well quite frankly he is trying to be thoughtful of the neighbours etc and he does work 12 he shifts but
whilst I do think he has a point and I might be being a bit unreasonable
I don't know how to approach this so thought I would see from the wise mumsnetters where you stand on this,All suggestions will be helpful!
So it's the start of the school holidays,beautiful weather,garden full of toys and pool out,happy days!This is the first year our DD 9 yes has has friends on our estate and it's wonderful.Thereis a little group of 5 and they get on amazingly and play really well,They have been round our house in the garden playing for a week,They are safe and enclosed and well a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it but they are having such a Fab time safely and under supervision I have no issues except I will try to shut them up when it gets too loud! Now I am the one listening to it all day not DH he is at work but he gets home and the garden is full of kids and he doesn;t want it, I am trying to find a balance here but what do I do? There is nowhere else for the kids to play,I don't want them out on the road it's not safe,I don't mind them here really.Its not ideal for the neighbours either but it's summer,.Am I being the neighbours from hell? Where do your kids and their friends play? Given there ages of 8 and 9 years Ithought I was doing the right thing...am I? Do people expect quiet between 11 and 7 ish? I know it's a pain hearing kids for a lot of people but where do you all stand on this?

OP posts:
Onlinedilema · 18/07/2021 08:24

Some parents are quite happy never to reciprocate sadly. I do think it's too much on your neighbours and dh. Why not tell the kids they have to go home before your dh gets in from work. Or send them to the park to play.

vivainsomnia · 18/07/2021 08:24

You tolerate the noise because your DD is happy, it keeps her busy and it gives you some freedom. You have much to gain from it so it's a good balance. What do your neighbours have to gain from it? Nothing at all. Just stress.

So yes, you should show more consideration and have a better balance. Contact the parents and explain you can have al the kids at yours all the time. Unless you are working, take your daughter out some places, do things with her in doors, get her to help with chores.

It's indeed inevitable that with holidays, people have to accept that gardens are going to be noisier, but they should have to tolerate a playground every day.

RuggerHug · 18/07/2021 08:24

Please say you're sending them home for lunch...

Overthebow · 18/07/2021 08:25

All day every day is a bit much

Original poster
lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:25

Yes I do fed them and give drinks etc sort of picnics on the grass kind of thing,Doesnt really cost anything a few sandwiches,crisps and maybe an icecream but I only do that cos I am doing it for my daughter's lunch so a few extra doesn't matter really.

OP posts:
Beachtrip · 18/07/2021 08:26

Have you asked the other parents? Or assuming because they aren't offering?

Literally say "so which day is best for your turn with all the neighbour kids?"

Octopuscake · 18/07/2021 08:26

I think DH should be aware that when he gets home from work his childcare responsibilities start. So if he doesn't want the kids in the garden it's equally up to him and you to send/take them home and engage with your DD so she has a nice evening. You are thinking of her social and emotional development weighed up against your comfort and convenience. He is thinking he'd like to relax at home.

Greenwateringcan · 18/07/2021 08:26

I would actually hate to be your neighbour. I wfh and I couldn’t even enjoy a tea break in the garden in this heat because you’d have kids being noisy in your garden all day every day.

Have some consideration please.

Twoforthree · 18/07/2021 08:27

Can’t they play out on the streets with clearly defined limits as to where and how far they go? Mine did at that age.

Is it that other parents are ok with this, but you want them in the garden?

Have them a couple of whole days and let them pop in and out the other days. Perhaps the other parents won’t mind short times in their gardens too, if they are meandering around.

Mojitofairy · 18/07/2021 08:27

So you set an end time. 5pm, off you all go now. If you are providing anything like food or snacks beyond just water, stop. They want something, they go home. They can come around after lunch and leave before dinner. If your DH comes home and they’re all still there, then they have to leave then. It’s family time, go. And if you want a day out or without them just say so, we’re not around tomorrow etc.
You can’t make other parents have them over if they don’t want to, so that’s that. I wouldn’t be keen on that myself tbh. But in your garden you can absolutely dictate what happens.

Greenwateringcan · 18/07/2021 08:27

You’re literally the holiday club.

Macncheeseballs · 18/07/2021 08:28

After the year the kids have had I would be happy for them to play like this however it does need to be shared with the other households

Pottedpalm · 18/07/2021 08:29

I wouldn’t have this every day! Speak to the other parents; they are happy to offload onto you so they need to reciprocate. Ideally one day in each garden but if you are happy to do a couple then fine.
What time does DH come home? I would say they should leave before he gets home if it is 5 or later. I wouldn’t want a garden full of other kids every evening after work either.

Hellocatshome · 18/07/2021 08:29

You are definitely being taken advantage of and possibly your DD as well. Have you seen the episode where the Simpsons get a pool, suddenly every neighbourhood kid wants to play with Bart and Lisa. If you said the kids couldn't play in your garden would they still call on your DD to go out to play?

Onlinedilema · 18/07/2021 08:29

Up I too used to feed the neighbours kids as I thought we'll I'm feeding my own so an extra couple of sandwiches doesn't harm. The difference was we lived in a cup d's sac where everyone had kids of varying ages. The kids came to mine but played in the cup de sac so I guess every one shared the noise as it were. Also nobody from home then.

Onlinedilema · 18/07/2021 08:30

Typos! Nobody worked from home.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/07/2021 08:30

You need to be at least sending them home at lunchtime and teatime.

Every day?!

I'd say from now on they can come 9-11am then 2-5pm on specific days.

Pottedpalm · 18/07/2021 08:31

@lazylump72

Yes I do fed them and give drinks etc sort of picnics on the grass kind of thing,Doesnt really cost anything a few sandwiches,crisps and maybe an icecream but I only do that cos I am doing it for my daughter's lunch so a few extra doesn't matter really.
This every weekday for six more weeks? Of course it costs! Five times as much as feeding just your child!
Ellpellwood · 18/07/2021 08:32

@Greenwateringcan

You’re literally the holiday club.
This! It's obviously not on that all the parents are letting you take on all of them every day but I can't say I'd want any more than 1 friend at a time either.
Soontobe60 · 18/07/2021 08:35

@lazylump72

Well that's what I hoped but sadly the other parents don;t seem to want this.The other parents all seem happy to let them be here but never have them. It's disappointing and I don;t want a full summer of being childminder and being known as that house on the street either but it's so lovely to have my DD have friends and being happy outside,
Of course the other parents aren’t reciprocating! You’ve set up a nice little free childminding service for them! If I were your neighbour I’d be fuming at having to listen to children that don’t even live there day in day out. You need to set aside some time when you don’t have all the children in your house. It’s easy - if they knock on, just tell them DD can play out but not in your house today.
TotorosCatBus · 18/07/2021 08:36

What time does your h get home? Big difference between 4 and 7pm

Private companies charge a lot for the service you provide. You are literally holiday childcare

Original poster
lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:36

Thank you so much for all your input it is really valuable for me to see the different views, I think a retink on my part is called for. I didn't want to be a Burden on my neighbours at all but I can see how this would happen over a prolonged period of time. Also really I did fall soft cos Ijust really wanted my daughter to be safe and happy, I do get where DH is coming from but hate to admit it!!! He is Fab I guess if your up from 4am and get in at 7,30 PM you maybe need some peace. His argument was he would like some family time just the 3 of us and a nice quiet chilled time before bed where we can have dinner in peace and maybe watch a DVD or play a game with our daughter without the door knocking with kids wanting to play. I will look at it again and see what's more reasonable and also address my issues of letting my daughter grow and explore a bit too but not promising that bit will be easy,Thank you all so much for your advice,

OP posts:
pooiepooie25 · 18/07/2021 08:36

Sadly, you are being taken for a mug. Have the other parents even thanked you? Do you know the other parents?

Pottedpalm · 18/07/2021 08:36

@Octopuscake

I think DH should be aware that when he gets home from work his childcare responsibilities start. So if he doesn't want the kids in the garden it's equally up to him and you to send/take them home and engage with your DD so she has a nice evening. You are thinking of her social and emotional development weighed up against your comfort and convenience. He is thinking he'd like to relax at home.
I know the man must always be wrong on Mumsnet, but really, where is it said/implied that DH doesn’t want to engage with his child. And can you imagine if the OP said ‘when DH comes home her assumes control and tells the kids to go home, when it’s me that has been minding them all day!’
Howcanthisbe123 · 18/07/2021 08:37

Your oh sounds moany, it’s the school holidays, you don’t get to come home from work and relax, you get to come home from work and parent. Relaxing is for when they are in bed.