Where are kids supposed to play?

[lazylump72]

Hi
I am having a bit of a barny with my DH and well quite frankly he is trying to be thoughtful of the neighbours etc and he does work 12 he shifts but
whilst I do think he has a point and I might be being a bit unreasonable
I don't know how to approach this so thought I would see from the wise mumsnetters where you stand on this,All suggestions will be helpful!
So it's the start of the school holidays,beautiful weather,garden full of toys and pool out,happy days!This is the first year our DD 9 yes has has friends on our estate and it's wonderful.Thereis a little group of 5 and they get on amazingly and play really well,They have been round our house in the garden playing for a week,They are safe and enclosed and well a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it but they are having such a Fab time safely and under supervision I have no issues except I will try to shut them up when it gets too loud! Now I am the one listening to it all day not DH he is at work but he gets home and the garden is full of kids and he doesn;t want it, I am trying to find a balance here but what do I do? There is nowhere else for the kids to play,I don't want them out on the road it's not safe,I don't mind them here really.Its not ideal for the neighbours either but it's summer,.Am I being the neighbours from hell? Where do your kids and their friends play? Given there ages of 8 and 9 years Ithought I was doing the right thing...am I? Do people expect quiet between 11 and 7 ish? I know it's a pain hearing kids for a lot of people but where do you all stand on this?

I guess if your up from 4am and get in at 7,30 PM you maybe need some peace

You "guess" and "maybe"?
Jeeeze, your DH really is bottom of the pile isn't he?
Of course he needs some peace with his own family. I can't imagine working that kind of schedule and coming home at 7:30 to a garden full of other people's kids every day.

The tone of your posts is incredibly naive and lacking in empathy. You need to get a backbone and consider other adults.

How long are they in your garden? 3-4 hrs a day ok. More, no way!

You absolutely need to get the other parents to take it in turns!

I have a similar issue in that DS and his friends gravitate towards our garden. It started to feel like I was providing free childcare (while working sometimes!). I had them all in my garden yesterday and it was exhausting and loud. I've made it clear that it's the neighbours turn today.

@lazylump72

Well that's what I hoped but sadly the other parents don;t seem to want this.The other parents all seem happy to let them be here but never have them. It's disappointing and I don;t want a full summer of being childminder and being known as that house on the street either but it's so lovely to have my DD have friends and being happy outside,

Of course they don't 😂 I would bet your neighbours are sick of them all as well !🙄

Bit much every day. You could make a lot of money.I don’t mind hearing child play but I never allowed my children to shout and scream even if it was ‘play’ as it’s not fair to my ears or the neighbours!

Just to clarify they call on for my daughter at about 11 am and they play in the garden some days latest is 7 PM they go home.They play in the summer house on the switch and tablet,other days they are out in the pool or on the swings and trampoline some days they have taken over the lounge and watched dvds . I will have a rethink just for my neighbours sanity, I also think it was a good point that they do go home earlier.I might also try to get to know the other parents better too.I know they are happy the kids are here but I don't really know them..maybe having a chat might open up some new ideas on their part too, We have lots of plans for the holidays going forward from next week so days out will be happening and visits to grandparents so that will really things up a bit,

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness

Your WFH neighbours must hate this.

As PP said, it’s expected that noise will increase in the summer holidays, but all day every day??!!

You would be the neighbour from hell if you were next door to me and there’s was screeching and screaming from 9am into the early evening.

This is exactly what I came on to say

Can't you just send them home at teatime?

Honestly if I was your neighbour I'd be thinking "Oh god, not another day of kids in her garden!" I can tolerate quite a lot, but every day would ruin the enjoyment of MY garden.
You're being used.

Your neighbours are taking you for granted and the whole time you allow it they'll just keep sending kids in your direction - free childcare - yippee!!

I'd hate to be your neighbour with that all day every day. Especially if working from home.

When your husband gets in from a 12hr shift I think he's entitled to relax in his own home and garden without the neighbour kids there.

Oh and if DH just thinks he should be able to 'relax' when he gets home cos he's been 'working' all day then he can join the people who think children shouldn't play in their own gardens.

Why have you put working in inverted commas? My daughter works those kind of hours, as she's working, not 'working'. And she's exhausted when she gets home.

If the sexes were reversed in this OP, you wouldn't be so snide.

7pm?? 5/6pm latest. Don’t you/they have dinner?

You are providing eight hours of free food and childcare every single day.

My god, OP. Wise up! 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Howcanthisbe123

Your oh sounds moany, it’s the school holidays, you don’t get to come home from work and relax, you get to come home from work and parent. Relaxing is for when they are in bed.

Of course you come home to relax. You can relax and be a parent at the same time.

Can you make friends with the other mums and try and share it out a bit, OP? You sound lovely, by the way. You’re not a mug, you’re someone who likes kids.

Jeeeze, there's a trampoline involved too.

@lazylump72

Thank you so much for all your input it is really valuable for me to see the different views, I think a retink on my part is called for. I didn't want to be a Burden on my neighbours at all but I can see how this would happen over a prolonged period of time. Also really I did fall soft cos Ijust really wanted my daughter to be safe and happy, I do get where DH is coming from but hate to admit it!!! He is Fab I guess if your up from 4am and get in at 7,30 PM you maybe need some peace. His argument was he would like some family time just the 3 of us and a nice quiet chilled time before bed where we can have dinner in peace and maybe watch a DVD or play a game with our daughter without the door knocking with kids wanting to play. I will look at it again and see what's more reasonable and also address my issues of letting my daughter grow and explore a bit too but not promising that bit will be easy,Thank you all so much for your advice,

Shouldn't they be going home at 5.30-6 for their own dinner anyway? Or are these cheeky fucker parents hoping you give them dinner too? 😲

Do you give them dinner?

I'd hate that if I were your DH or neighbour - I wouldn't want that every day. A couple of times a week fine.

Someone at the back of us babysit their grandchildren every weekend, I think they must have them overnight. They put a bouncy castle up for them nearly every time so all we got all day yesterday was actual screaming for hours on end. I like the sound of happy kids playing (the other girls a couple of doors down are a delight to listen to actually) but screaming and yelling the WHOLE DAY gets on your tits. Sometimes I wonder if the parents of those grandkids are enjoying the peace and quiet of their own garden while I sit wincing in mine.

OP, when the neighbours' kids come round, I'd say nicely, "Ooh, not today kids, you were all here every day last week and this week I want to enjoy some peace in the garden, you'll all have to play at somebody else's house today." I bet you anything they'll go en masse to one of the other mums and ask to go in there. Hold steady if they all come back saying "my mum doesn't want us in her garden".

Either that, or compromise, and only let them play for an hour or two then say "Right kids, somebody else's mum or dad's turn now!", and make sure that they're gone by the time DH gets home so he can come home and relax.

@Muststopeating
OP has said DH would like some family time and to eat together. Personally I think if the poor bastard has been up since 4 and returns home at 7:30 he should be allowed to rest/chill/eat with his family and enjoy their company. OP is presumably a stay at home parent with one child, she is unlikely to be overwhelmed with her share of the work.

Well, I certainly wouldn’t do it and I’m glad I’m not your neighbour!

You are being taken for a mug

Just this. The other parents are loving the quiet, child-free days I bet 😐

I’m with your DH on this op and pp saying he should come home and parent, well fine but parent his own child not 4 random extras after a 12 hour shift no way would I put up with this everyday.

You're letting them stay at your house, for free, for eight hours a day? And you're providing them with food, drinks and ice creams at no charge?

You're being taken for a mug.

I remember hating letting mine out to play at that age but I knew I couldn’t wrap them in cotton wool as that effect on their mental health was likely to be worse than any real physical danger.

I wanted them to go into the outside world full of confidence. We started small - just playing in the street at age 7ish and gradually increasing the boundary of where they could go. By age 9 they were probably going to the park. My one rule was that she was never on her own and had to stick with at least one other child.

Can you get her a cheap phone for her to call you if she needs picking up at any time? We also had a secret phrase that they could use if they wanted you to give them a get out option without them losing face. For example, if they said “Did the parcel arrive” I knew I had to “order” them home for some spurious made up reason.

If I was your neighbour you’d drive me to distraction. I eat at 6.30 and I like to sit outside. It’s one thing to have general noise in the street and gardens, but quite another to have a childcare facility next door, with noisy activities.

And if I was your husband I’d not like it either.

I think they must have dinner when they get home as no one came to collect them for any.We don't eat till late so it wasn't an issue for us.