Where are kids supposed to play?

[lazylump72]

Hi
I am having a bit of a barny with my DH and well quite frankly he is trying to be thoughtful of the neighbours etc and he does work 12 he shifts but
whilst I do think he has a point and I might be being a bit unreasonable
I don't know how to approach this so thought I would see from the wise mumsnetters where you stand on this,All suggestions will be helpful!
So it's the start of the school holidays,beautiful weather,garden full of toys and pool out,happy days!This is the first year our DD 9 yes has has friends on our estate and it's wonderful.Thereis a little group of 5 and they get on amazingly and play really well,They have been round our house in the garden playing for a week,They are safe and enclosed and well a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it but they are having such a Fab time safely and under supervision I have no issues except I will try to shut them up when it gets too loud! Now I am the one listening to it all day not DH he is at work but he gets home and the garden is full of kids and he doesn;t want it, I am trying to find a balance here but what do I do? There is nowhere else for the kids to play,I don't want them out on the road it's not safe,I don't mind them here really.Its not ideal for the neighbours either but it's summer,.Am I being the neighbours from hell? Where do your kids and their friends play? Given there ages of 8 and 9 years Ithought I was doing the right thing...am I? Do people expect quiet between 11 and 7 ish? I know it's a pain hearing kids for a lot of people but where do you all stand on this?

Write a note and express your concerns, and say it’s too demanding to have them all to lunch.
And your husband is fed up.
Suggest others gardens

@saraclara

Jeeeze, there's a trampoline involved too.

😂😂😂 yeah that continual whump noise - gets on your bloody nerves 😂😂😂

I think you sound a lovely kind person OP.The neighbouring kids must think you are Mary Poppins personified! We often found when DC were younger, that other families were reluctant to return the favour sometimes as well. Make some ground rules here ,.Maybe they can come over in the morning/afternoon .All day is really taking the piss TBH! Maybe take a couple of days out somewhere with DD as well .Make sure they have eaten before they come over ! Apart from the neighbours ,you will have days where you are tired ,have a headache ,period pain or whatever.Its unfair on you too!

You’re obviously an extremely kind lady , a very lovely neighbour but everyone’s right there needs to be a balance and there isn’t one clearly at the moment. I bet if you stop having the kids every day the other parents will pull their finger out and arrange for kids to play at their garden.

@Nsky

Write a note and express your concerns, and say it’s too demanding to have them all to lunch. And your husband is fed up. Suggest others gardens

Who would you write a note to?

Turn them at the door. Or when they arrive, shoo DD out with them with a cheery off you go.

Ijust didn't so much see his issue as when he arrives home the kids are getting ready to wind things down and leave,,he doesn't have them he is out I do!

But again, he's been working!! The 'he doesn't have them, I do' implies you're the one who's been doing the work.

At minimum, they should be gone by the time he gets home, not 'getting ready to go'. That's nothing to do with sexism, before anyone jumps in on that. As I said, my daughter does 13 hour shifts as a nurse. No way should she have to come home to this every day.

@Twoforthree

I remember hating letting mine out to play at that age but I knew I couldn’t wrap them in cotton wool as that effect on their mental health was likely to be worse than any real physical danger.

I wanted them to go into the outside world full of confidence. We started small - just playing in the street at age 7ish and gradually increasing the boundary of where they could go. By age 9 they were probably going to the park. My one rule was that she was never on her own and had to stick with at least one other child.

Can you get her a cheap phone for her to call you if she needs picking up at any time? We also had a secret phrase that they could use if they wanted you to give them a get out option without them losing face. For example, if they said “Did the parcel arrive” I knew I had to “order” them home for some spurious made up reason.

That's a brilliant idea..thank you. I never thought of that. A phone could possibly give me some confidence to know she was ok when a little bit further from home, Ithink it's more my issues of wanting to wrap her up in cotton wool so to speak that's making me have the kids so I know they are all ok but I do see this as not such a good thing in my daughter's develpoment.Didnt think I would need to address my issues just yet but I see Ido...thank you for your suggestion I will do this today,

I work from home. I am so glad you are not my neighbour! Not quite the same thing, but last week one of my neighbours spent nearly all day blasting his patio with a pressure washer. I was trying to participate in Teams meetings, and wanted to do so with my windows open. But I had to keep them closed due to the noise. Thankfully that was just for the one day!

Thet are happy to let you be an unpaid child minder, if course they are. ....the other parents should be having them over too.

Our house used to be the one all the kids wanted to play at. Some of the parents used to turf their kids out and not let them back inside as our estate has a park in the middle. We'd get kids knocking on the door constantly and they'd often want to come in and play in our garden with my 3 kids, or want things like a drink. After a week of them all at my house one summer I began to suspect other parents were either encouraging their kids to play at ours for free childcare, or just didn't care where their kids were. I felt terrible but I started to limit the kids coming over to a couple of times a week and out by 4pm so they'd be gone for when my husband got home.

What are you gojng tondonwhennit rains andnyou have gotnall the neighbouring kids ramlaging round indoors?

Or when you want to take your dd out somewhere but all the other parents have dumped their kid on you?

Having them round some of the time is fine but not all day every day!!

I don't think its unreasonable to have kids out playing in the garden in summer time. I do think most people would expect children to rotate around a few locations rather than being in one person's garden all the time. I also think your neighbours won't love you if there's a noisy pack of children staying into the evenings.

You’re basically running a free holiday club for the estate!

I know you’re trying to think of your child and giving her others to play with I do think you’re being taken advantage of.
My neighbour has a trampoline and her son spends the entire day ju out up and down, springs twanging and the dog barking in unison to the jumping. Throw in the kids that are sent round to join in and my blood pressure shoots up to levels that aren’t safe.

Do the parents know where they are for 8hrs (if its 11-7?)

Just send them home at teatime. I wouldn't want to do 12 hour shifts and come home to a garden full of other peoples children.
Your neighbours would benefit from the break too.

If you lived next to me you'd be a neighbour from hell. You find it difficult!

What would happen if you sent them home? Don’t their parents wonder where they are as a pp said?

Wow. Eveey day till 7 🙀🙀

Do you have the parents details Incase if an accident ? Are they at home ? At work ?

Bet they are loving the free childcare

I would do a wats app group So have all details

Then say I’m happy to have the tribe at mine mon wed fri and will send home 530pm

Whose house can have them all tue and fri

Or something like that

Totally get why dh pissed off

Coming home every night and garden and house packe S

I do get it. I have lots of my toddlers friends round with parents when nice , we have a lovely garden with huge paddling pool and slide swing sandpit chalking trampoline etx

But we also go to theirs. Yes more at mine as have the space and happy to entertain

But not 5 days and they leave by tea time unless I’ve invited them to tea

Limit times, not early at weekends, I suggest.

I was the mug who had all of the neighbours children every day and it was never reciprocated. In fact I found that my neighbours were going out for a couple of hours and not even letting me know.
I would lay ground rules very early on, so only one day you have them all and they go home for lunch. Perhaps another day let your daughter have one friend around then another day you take her out somewhere.
If you let it go on people will take advantage, it’s surprising how many people have children but don’t want to look after them.

*tue and Thur

@Benjispruce5

7pm?? 5/6pm latest. Don’t you/they have dinner?

To be fair we never eat til 7pm anyway, even when Dd was smaller that was always when dinner was as that's when dh gets in from work.

OP says her dh isn't in til 7:30pm so that's possibly when they're eating, not at 5pm.

I would be terrified one of them would have an accident in the pool and would feel I had to supervise all of the time.

Do you have all of their parents phone numbers in case there was an emergency?

Maybe but quite unusual for most children of that age. Surely not all the other children are eating late?