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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where are kids supposed to play?

338 replies

lazylump72 · 18/07/2021 08:05

Hi
I am having a bit of a barny with my DH and well quite frankly he is trying to be thoughtful of the neighbours etc and he does work 12 he shifts but
whilst I do think he has a point and I might be being a bit unreasonable
I don't know how to approach this so thought I would see from the wise mumsnetters where you stand on this,All suggestions will be helpful!
So it's the start of the school holidays,beautiful weather,garden full of toys and pool out,happy days!This is the first year our DD 9 yes has has friends on our estate and it's wonderful.Thereis a little group of 5 and they get on amazingly and play really well,They have been round our house in the garden playing for a week,They are safe and enclosed and well a bit demanding and noisy.I get this,I do I have to sit and listen to it but they are having such a Fab time safely and under supervision I have no issues except I will try to shut them up when it gets too loud! Now I am the one listening to it all day not DH he is at work but he gets home and the garden is full of kids and he doesn;t want it, I am trying to find a balance here but what do I do? There is nowhere else for the kids to play,I don't want them out on the road it's not safe,I don't mind them here really.Its not ideal for the neighbours either but it's summer,.Am I being the neighbours from hell? Where do your kids and their friends play? Given there ages of 8 and 9 years Ithought I was doing the right thing...am I? Do people expect quiet between 11 and 7 ish? I know it's a pain hearing kids for a lot of people but where do you all stand on this?

OP posts:
EeeppP · 19/07/2021 07:21

I think you're being fabulous. Your daughter will remember her summers as being fantastic for you facilitating her and her friends. Can't believe how many people on Mumsnet begrudge kids having fun and letting loose. I love to hear happy children.
Please carry on. 🌞🌞🌞

saraclara · 19/07/2021 07:27

@lactofree and @RoseMartha, RTFT, or at least the OP's updates.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/07/2021 07:49

Great progress! I bet your daughter was really proud of herself going off on her first 'solo mission' too.

salsah · 19/07/2021 17:35

Kids are people too except they tend to make more noise than (most) grown ups - I love the sound of kids playing. God, let them enjoy the summer after the year they’ve had

fakeplantsdontlookreal · 19/07/2021 18:09

OP, when DD was growing up there would be 1 of 4 houses here in our cul-de-sac that you would find all the kids in, you just had to follow the pile of bicycles to find them Grin.

Often they were here because a couple of the mums didn't want them traipsing in and out, but it never bothered me and I was just happy that DD was happy and entertained. I used to call DD the Pied Piper because she would go out to meet 1 friend and come back with 6 Grin.

They did all go home for lunch though and meet up again after, and the same at tea time. If they weren't home by bedtime, then parents/grandparents would come looking for them.

Well done on reaching a good compromise so far and I hope it works out for you.

HibouMilou · 19/07/2021 18:09

If you truly care about what your neighbours think, why don’t you ask them?

I wish my noisy neighbours with the constantly screaming children & multiple power tools would ask me.

I would soon tell them I have MS and need to sleep in the daytime.
I also crave 5 mins of peace in my own garden.

Corcory · 19/07/2021 18:12

Our DS had two brothers as friends whom he wanted round every day.
They were older and didn't make a noise or anything but I put a stop to it when I saw photos on social media of their mum and dad going out for lunch or having a nice day out on their own, something we were never able to do!!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 19/07/2021 18:20

I can’t see the problem with it but perhaps clear them out at 5ish rather than 7.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 19/07/2021 18:22

@Corcory

Our DS had two brothers as friends whom he wanted round every day. They were older and didn't make a noise or anything but I put a stop to it when I saw photos on social media of their mum and dad going out for lunch or having a nice day out on their own, something we were never able to do!!
This wouldn’t bother me at all. I like being the house the kids feel at home in and your son enjoyed their company, why stop him enjoying his friends over something so petty.
Trudij123 · 19/07/2021 18:24

Having read all your updates @lazylump72 it sounds to me like you’ve got it under control - it’s so hard to let them have a little bit of free rein isn’t it!!

Sounds like you are going to have a lovely evening too, enjoy it!

3scape · 19/07/2021 18:25

I've done the welcoming various children round and all it ever got was a group.of children picking on mine.

Sweettea1 · 19/07/2021 18:25

Are the neighbours kids invited or just come knocking maybe there parents think they are playing out hence no invite back. I would let them in garden to play a couple of times a week and only for couple of hours.

Jack80 · 19/07/2021 18:33

I would message the parents or speak to them and say we need to share the garden thing as can't have kids in the garden daily

Hobbitytoes · 19/07/2021 18:36

I must live in an alternate universe where we all have to be quiet on case we annoy those WFH (I am one of these too, with the kids next door on their trampoline). My DC played out in the garden and the street from when they were wee, alongside all the other neighbourhood kids. At weekends, I'd usually find them all in my back garden and I'd throw them some crisps and ice poles. Sometimes they'd be out playing till dark. It's summer holidays, they're having fun. Like I did in my childhood.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/07/2021 18:48

You're being taken for a right mug by the other parents. You need to put your foot down. It would be good to also be a bit more considerate to the neighbours as well, it's basically a playground pretty much right next to their window.

Romney981 · 19/07/2021 18:52

My 4 kids are all grown and flown the nest now. I was always the one who had other kids at mine during the holidays, I loved it. Now my home is so quiet but I seriously would not mind kids playing/laughing/screaming/singing next to my garden. Perhaps your neighbours don't mind, perhaps they do. Why don't you talk to them?

Runmybathforme · 19/07/2021 19:02

I’m totally with your DH on this one. I would hate to come home from work to a load of kids in my garden every day. Sorry, but I couldn’t tolerate it.

MarvellousMonsters · 19/07/2021 19:17

@lazylump72

Yes I do fed them and give drinks etc sort of picnics on the grass kind of thing,Doesnt really cost anything a few sandwiches,crisps and maybe an icecream but I only do that cos I am doing it for my daughter's lunch so a few extra doesn't matter really.
You are 100% being taken for a mug. When it's lunchtime, send them home. Same at tea time, because whilst this may be lovely right now, it will get wearing for you, and your neighbours within a couple of weeks.
InFiveMins · 19/07/2021 19:44

With your husband on this OP. It's so annoying coming home from work and listening to kids shrieking - even more so when they aren't your own kids.

Also, stop being a mug and letting them all in your garden every day. It's not fair and certainly not fair on your neighbours. Send your DD off to one of their houses!!

Tal45 · 19/07/2021 19:50

Gosh I think you sound lovely OP, the kids are lucky to have a lovely place to play and it sounds like your daughter has a lovely group of friends. If you're happy to have them I don't know why people (apart from your DH) have such a problem with that and are being so rude to call you a mug - it's only because they're too miserable to dream of doing it themselves. Everything has opened up now, most people don't have to WFH so if they choose to that's up to them, they need to shut the windows and get noise cancelling headphones if they don't like it, there's no reason to curtail your child's life to pander to them. You do you OP, you sound lovely x

sue69m · 19/07/2021 19:53

I was this mum, used to have all the kids & take them out too. When the other parents took their kids out mine wasn't invited..
Don't let it become a habit!!
The kids had to be gone by the time daddy came home from work so he could be with his family in peace & quiet.

Bugbabe1970 · 19/07/2021 20:20

Wow some really harsh replies here
I did this with my kids
Always loved having kids over and they played lovely
Bugger the neighbours, if they dint like the sound of kids playing the. They can move
, it's the school holidays for gods sake.
Have them go home about 4 though that's long enough

Friday999 · 19/07/2021 20:48

Everything has opened up now, most people don’t have to WFH so if they choose to that’s up to them, they need to shut the windows and get noise cancelling headphones if they don’t like it

Seriously???? Which planet are you posting from? Half of our village is still WFH. And why should someone be forced back to the office because of screeching children? Would you have wanted to work in an unventilated room in our recent temperatures, and I wonder how noise cancelling headphones work when you’re trying to do a Teams call. I’m very pleased the OP has got a phone sorted out for her daughter, so that’s progress, but it still sounds like she’s running a holiday club. I feel sorry for her husband, and her neighbours.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 19/07/2021 21:50

I see nothing changes OP! I used to do this for my daughter 30 years ago, I was always the Mum that would rather the kids play safely in my garden, than risk them going off heaven knows where, and getting into trouble or difficulties of some sort. What is it with parents that have kids and then don't want them around in the holidays? Makes me cross that other parents aren't doing their fair share, but if you feel better knowing they're all safe in your garden OP, then I would just point out to them that they do need to keep the noise down, as if the neighbours complain they won't be able to come and play again. As for your DH, wouldn't he rather they're all safely at yours than be reading in tomorrow's paper that one of the kids in your street has gone missing? Tell him to get a grip, and button it, as I'm sure his own child can make the same noise as several if she has a mind to, and you're the one doing all the hard work!

WouldBeGood · 19/07/2021 21:54

I don’t mind the sound of kids playing at all.

I do object to screeching and constant yelling.