Or is my mother re: updating her on our travels

[noworklifebalance]

My mother expects us to let her know when we have arrived at our holiday destination and when we have returned home - whether this is abroad or in the UK.
If going abroad she likes to know our flight details and where we are staying.
I sort of understand the flight details - occasionally there are tragedies and it must be horrific not to know whether loved ones where on the flight.

However, I find the whole thing frustrating, perhaps irrationally so, hence my AIBU?

For context, I am married with 2 children and have lived away from my parents for nearly 20 years.
My mother also worries if I haven’t rung or messaged her for a few days/week - “anything may have happened to me”. My answer that my DH will let her know if that this was the case or it’ll have to be the police if we are all wiped out, didn’t go down well(!).

I think YABU. My mum sends me her flight details and booking reference in case I need to sort anything out. They also text me updates!

Sounds like she cares to me.

It doesn't take very long to text to let them know you have arrived safely. My entire family does this on our WhatsApp chat. Usually for my nans benefit who worries about absolutely everything. Keeps her mind at rest.

I don't really think it is a major inconvenience to text that you have arrived safely at your destination, or home. Not something I would get wound up about.

YABU to begrudge your mother a text message so she doesn't worry about you.

One day she won't be here so make the most of it whilst you can.

I send a quick text to say we have arrived. It's just a nice thing to do to stop someone worrying.

My mil used to be the same and wanting to know when we had returned anywhere even short trips. Now shes remarried and doesnt bother one bit about where we are or of we arrived. I much preferred it when she cared

It’s only a quick text either side of your holiday to let her know that you’re safe. She’s hardly harassing you. Don’t take it for granted that you’ve got a mother who actually cares about you

My mum has the same thing about arriving at destination. I think maybe because foreign travel was rarer and a bigger deal for their generation? If she just likes a quick call or text I don't see the harm really. I mean it's your choice but it would be kind.

I assume that she won't pester you with constant texts or WhatsApp messages / phone calls?

If not then I would not begrudge a quick "arrived safely" message. Same on return home.

Complete non issue to just text to say we've arrived see you in ten days or whatever

It shows she cares and loves you. That doesn’t stop just because you’re older.

Also communication is so easy now. All it takes is a twenty second text

YABU

I text parents to let them know I've landed safely either side of holiday without being asked.

My mum and MiL always ask us to let us know we got there safe. We’re in our late 40s. I can’t see a problem with it. They do the same if they are away. For us it’s basic good manners.

I don’t get it either OP, if you don’t arrive safely, she would soon be told. I think it is best not to text arrivals etc, because what if you were delayed or you forgot, she would start to panic over nothing. She will soon get used to it. Although presumably she has been like this for the twenty years since you left? Why did you even go along with it to begin with?

When I was younger this bothered me. Now, not so much.

There's been times it's been handy. Like the year it snowed when we were on our way back and she turned up at the airport with our winter coats to put on.

Don't know why it doesn't bother me. If it's that my dd is now 17 and I worry about her a bit. Or if it's just I am older.

It takes me 2 mins to send a text or call. Or give her a flight number.

I don’t understand the big deal. She cares about you and wants to know you’re safe. When my mum died it was horrible to think that nobody wanted know we were safe.
I think you are being unkind

I always let my grown-up kids know when I've arrived safely, and am home. And they appreciate knowing my flight and accommodation details.
The latter two are those 'psychological insurance' things, I think. If you don't have those details, then you're worried that this is the trip where you'll be in a situation where you need them and won't have them.

Nothing unreasonable about it at all. It's just reassuring for her.

I get it OP. My mum is the same. She and my dad are the most anxious people I know. They once called me over ten times and then fell out with me because I didn't text them after I got home from the airport, even though I called after I landed. Another time because I went to a party - which I mentioned to them by text around 8pm - and I didn't answer their call around 10pm. Yet another time because I hadn't texted in a few days and didn't pick up immediately when they called me. They then rang so many times over the course of 30 mins, leaving increasingly frantic voicemails.

So I sympathise with what you're saying. Having anxious parents is exhausting.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. My parents always ask for my flight and hotel details - and they also send me theirs when they travel. I think it's a normal part of being in a family that you want to look out for each other and check things are okay. It's not a big inconvenience.

I ask my DDs to do the same when they travel. They are in their 40's.
Just to know they got there safe and where "there" is. Things happen. It never hurts to have someone who knows where you are and where to start looking if you don't show up.

We let my mum know our travel details and when we've arrived and vice versa. We're 75 and 55. DC 21 and 18 do the same.

It's a little thing but keeps us all happy.

Oh, you've got it easy compared to my daughter (50 years old), who, pre covid, messaged me everyday to tell me what time She was leaving work.

I worry, I guess your mum does too. It's a fault that most mum's develop.

My adult children always do this and likewise I give them a text too to say I've arrived safely. It's just common courtesy in families who are close and care about each other. Also, for practical reasons, it's sensible e.g. I'm home now, you don't need to come over and feed the cat any more.

I live about 300miles from my parents and they ask me to let them know I’m back. Not on my normal holidays though. They never let me know they are home. I think she just cares and you should humour her.