Or is my mother re: updating her on our travels

[noworklifebalance]

My mother expects us to let her know when we have arrived at our holiday destination and when we have returned home - whether this is abroad or in the UK.
If going abroad she likes to know our flight details and where we are staying.
I sort of understand the flight details - occasionally there are tragedies and it must be horrific not to know whether loved ones where on the flight.

However, I find the whole thing frustrating, perhaps irrationally so, hence my AIBU?

For context, I am married with 2 children and have lived away from my parents for nearly 20 years.
My mother also worries if I haven’t rung or messaged her for a few days/week - “anything may have happened to me”. My answer that my DH will let her know if that this was the case or it’ll have to be the police if we are all wiped out, didn’t go down well(!).

I thought it was the normal thing to do to let parents know we've arrived safely somewhere 😕

My mum does this too. It’s a bit annoying but she is a compete worrier. So I do text her, it puts her mind at rest.

Do you somit if you were traveling in the UK to stay somewhere, visit someone too — or only when abroad? I'd let mine know when I've arrived home from visiting them, but otherwise don't fill them in on my comings and goings, I live overseas and it seems excessive to call my mum to say I've arrived everytime I go somewhere.

I do message DH and he does me, and my DS lets me know when he arrives wherever he's off to, but calling someone I don't live with seems a step too far.

I always let my parents know if I've got somewhere safely, even just driving back from theirs which is an hour!

My mother does this! It irritates but I do it anyway to put her mind at ease.

Mind you, she once reported me missing to the British Consul because I was on holiday in Greece (pre-mobile days) and hadn't called her in two days. I was 23 at the time, so she has form for worrying a bit much.

I think you are being a bit mean here OP.

Yes, you're a fully grown autonomous adult. Yes, you've lived away from home for decades. Yes, it's a minor inconvenience to give our loved ones some trivial at the time but god forbid, some potentially important details of your travel plans.

You'll always be her child. In the same way, your kids will become adults and you may hope your children deign to share this information with you so you don't worry and fret.

yanbu
my mother is the same.
however she is very controlling in general. I will often not tell her anything - less for her to criticise.
and if I send photos of our holiday I send screenshots so that she can't google the hotel or campsite from the metadata and call their office to urgently speak to me.

Thanks - I appreciate the replies and that AIBU.
Just to clarify, in case my OP isn’t clear - I do understand the abroad thing and I do send the info to her/text without being asked.

The frustration is borne from holidays in the UK (think 2h drive to the coast) or just during the normal working week if I haven’t messaged for a few days (and no, it wouldn’t be out of ordinary if I hadn’t).

She emigrated to another country and contacted her parents by letter, as it was then. Obviously different now.

My mam was like this too. It used to annoy me but now she's gone it's one of the things I really miss.

Oh, and when I took her to New York for her 50th she repeated me missing to the police because I'd gone out with a friend and wasn't back by 11. I hadn't said I would be, she'd just assumed. Apparently they asked "and how old is your little girl ma'am?" and laughed at her when she said "27"...

We always gave my Dad flight details etc and he always tracked our flight and I normally had an email from him by the time we got to baggage claim telling me how fast we had been going
To be honest it's one of the things I've really missed since he died, send the text, it does no harm xx

I’m going to be the mum who tracks DD flight on flightradar just to be sure she’s safe.

She loves you, you are lucky, my mum didn’t bother with me at all. It might be a bit annoying but just drop her a message, it takes one second.

We always let our parents know about arrival away or home, MIL it's more important than my parents, but it seems to be a courtesy to me.

My grandad died when I was a kid and on holiday with my parents.
My uncle had a massive stroke when my parents were on holiday.

It happens, and it is just as well to be prepared.

I give my mum all those details and I always contact her to say I’ve arrived. It’s natural to worry.
Are your kids young OP?

We do this in my family, both my mum and MIL. Never thought anything of it tbh.

I think yanbu. I don't know, maybe it's different because we live in different countries but unless we are visiting each other and need details for pick up and drop off we just don't expect anything else. We send holiday pics, know approximate areas because that's just normal chat, but never sent flight details etc.

Actually, thinking back, my grandad died when my parents had just gone on holiday, and I had to call the hotel to tell them. Not a great conversation, but glad I knew where they were!

@Roomonb

I’m going to be the mum who tracks DD flight on flightradar just to be sure she’s safe.

She loves you, you are lucky, my mum didn’t bother with me at all. It might be a bit annoying but just drop her a message, it takes one second.

How will that work though? What happens when there are weird back and forth squiggles halfway over an ocean? Or it freezes? How will that reassure you she’s safe? You will soon hear in the news if a plane goes down. Surely you will just panic at every little blip on a tracker?

My adult DC give me a running commentary of their holidays

I would be a bit sad if I thought they begrudged me even the minimum info such as "got here safely, weather fab, apartment huge"

Is there a back story to this?

This is my parents. My dad still prints me a day by day itinerary with obscure contact details, somewhat ignoring that my mum is quite capable of using her mobile phone abroad.

I agree it's because they care. But it can be a bit tiring. My mum also loves to look forward along the lines of (before we have left home), "well, two weeks today and you'll be back home and the holiday of a lifetime will be over". Thanks for that happy thought mum...

@lettie9

I get it OP. My mum is the same. She and my dad are the most anxious people I know. They once called me over ten times and then fell out with me because I didn't text them after I got home from the airport, even though I called after I landed. Another time because I went to a party - which I mentioned to them by text around 8pm - and I didn't answer their call around 10pm. Yet another time because I hadn't texted in a few days and didn't pick up immediately when they called me. They then rang so many times over the course of 30 mins, leaving increasingly frantic voicemails.

So I sympathise with what you're saying. Having anxious parents is exhausting.

It’s pretty exhausting suffering from anxiety, particularly with an unsympathetic family.

It sounds like she just wants to be in contact with you. I don't think that's bad. In fact, it's quite sweet. I think parents quite often couch requests for communication in 'safety' issues. But really they just don't know how to ask you to stay in touch with them. Ask yourself how you'd feel if your DCs found it an inconvenience or chore to have to speak to you.

I have to confess that I do track my kids on Flight Radar when they're on school trips.

We always do this in my family - my DH thinks it's nuts - he sometimes doesn't even know what country his DM is.