Partner wants baby, but I'm 38!

[BusyMum84]

My new partner wants to try for a baby, I already have 17,13 and 7 year old from previous relationship. Is it selfish to have a baby at 38? Is 38 to old to do it all again?

Any advice much appreciated x

Crikey, I never gave it a second thought when I was trying to conceive at 38, didn't feel old to me 😅 Plenty of Mama's trying to conceive at that age.

I don't even feel old on the school run!

God no chance I'd have another. Anyways it also depends on how long you have been together. He hasn't married you so is he commited

I had my third last year at 39 almost 40. My other two were 9 and 7 plus I’m disabled physically. I won’t lie the pregnancy was ok but harder the recovery longer and the baby stage and now toddler stage was harder too. Would I do it again? You bet! Even during lockdown. It’s been hard in someways as he was slightly prem, but not compared to the other two .
He’s amazing and I love him dearly but it’s taken a toll on my body. I’m still breastfeeding him which we both love. We’re trying to get my wheelchair adapted to fit a pushchair to the front to give me more independence.

How do you feel about it though?
What do you want?
Were your previous pregnancies ok?
Can you envisage sleepless nights and cope? Would your relationship survive it?

You don’t sound very keen, and neither would I be. As PPs have said, there is a high risk that you will go from being a single mum of three to starting all over again as a single mum of four while new partner can simply walk away if he feels like it.

Unless there is a massive drip feed here (eg you happen to be really broody and have fallen in love with a handsome billionaire who keeps begging you to marry him ), perhaps give this one a miss.

38 is not too old but it’s not going to be particularly easy either I suppose. For me I would have to really want another baby. I wouldn’t be doing it just for my partner.

I hope 38 isn’t too old as I’m expecting my first a few months before I turn 38

I notice you say that your partner wants to try for a baby.
You are certainly not too old to become pregnant and given that you have 3 children already, your fertility is not an issue.
However I would give priority to the needs and feelings of your existing children and the impact a new baby would have on each of them.
Do you have enough time, energy, money and support to give each child what is best for them?
A new “Step Parent “ and a new sibling may be a positive, unifying experience for all of you.
Or a new man and new sibling
could leave them feeling sidelined in their own home.
I would also like to think that your new partner was proactively discussing the feelings of your children with you.

I'm biased in saying that 38 isn't too old as we tried for a baby when I turned 38 last August. We now have a eleven week old. However, you need to make sure it's what you want. It's easy for your partner to say that he wants a baby when you're the one that has to do the work.

I was 35, almost 36 when I had my youngest

I was 38 when I had my youngest daughter. I don’t feel like I was too old. I think it is more of a case of whether you want to go through it all again (birth, sleepless nights etc)
It also took us longer to conceive but we obviously got there in the end.

You say your partner rather than husband. Is that perhaps the problem?
It’s unpopular to say here but there is still stigma by many around unmarried parents.

I know there are some who disagree. Doesn’t make it universally acceptable. Just wondered if that was a problem for you. If he’s not committed to marriage then he may not be committed to a baby although he says he wants one.

Not too old numerically

But if you feel too old or just don't want to then don't

If you want another baby then go for it.
I had my fourth son at 39
We are so close, wouldn’t have it any other way, no regrets.
But make sure it’s what you want. Good luck OP x

I don't think you're too old, but I am not sure that you actually want a 4th child.

Have you considered if you can support such a decision? Financially, emotionally, mentally, physically? Is your relationship ready for this next step? Are your children ready for this move?

It’s personal choice. I had my DS at 35 and DD at 49. I settled later in life but it’s suited me perfectly.

If I had 3 kids already and youngest 7, I wouldn't want to have another at 38.
If I had 1 or 2 very young kids, then 38 isn't too old to have another.

It's your body and your life, what suits you?

I got married at 36 and had ds at 38, it was fine and I’m kind of a low energy person. BUT if I had kids that were almost adults, no way would I have another baby and start completely over again.

Promises are very easily made and very easily broken. If you want another baby then do it but for goodness sake, you must know by now that doing this for someone else might well be the wrong thing. It's only you that will be left picking up the pieces. Take some time now to please yourself in life, there's a great big world out there. So much to do It's also not environmentally sound to keep adding to the overpopulation unnecessarily. Quite honestly, if he can't throw himself wholeheartedly into your existing family group, I would say think hard.

Of course 38 isn’t to old 🙄. YABU for asking that question, when so many women have babies at that age and older these days.

The question is not whether you are too old; it is whether you would like another baby 🤷🏼‍♀️.