Partner wants baby, but I'm 38!

[BusyMum84]

My new partner wants to try for a baby, I already have 17,13 and 7 year old from previous relationship. Is it selfish to have a baby at 38? Is 38 to old to do it all again?

Any advice much appreciated x

If it’s what YOU really want then go for it. It’s not too old ag all. I had my second at 38 and had a healthy, low risk pregnancy and easy birth.

If you want a baby, then no it's not too old.
It's all relative, personally it would be a few years past my cut off so too old for me, but I know of people who wouldn't dream of having a baby after 30, and another who is trying for a third at 41.

Selfish to who?

I will put my head above the parapet and say I do sometimes see ‘first children’ being a little deflated, or jealous, or disaffected to see a nee half sibling be at home, the delight of two parents and a new step dad, while they go back and forth between 2 homes each where they have a step parent… who has their own new child.

Do you desperately want another baby and new partner makes this possible?
Is it your role to provide new partner with child/ren of his own?

How would it affect each of your current kids?

Far too old for me, all those sleepless nights, feeds etc. Even going to the shops takes military planning.

As other have said what do you want? As yes if you split you'd be on your own potentially

Hmmmm, colour me shocked. @BusyMum84 - (the OP,) has not been back since she posted her thread at 10.15 am today.

Posts a controversial topic, under a new username, and doesn't return.

I'm out......

It's not controversial at all though, is it. 'Do what you want' has been the overwhelming response.

38 is most definitely not too late to have another baby

The difference is, you already have 3 kids 2 of whom are teenagers so you have to factor in how their lives will change

If you were 38 asking about having your first baby there'd be no issue at all

On balance though, I'd say go for it!

• if you really want to have another one, not just because your partner does!

@ancientgran

My eldest was 21 when I had the youngest. It was fine.

Kudos. I couldn’t have done it. I was too busy celebrating getting my life back when mine was 21.

Why though?! Why would you want all that crap again? Are you not bored at the thought of all that boring slog all over again for the FOURTH time?! I know we're all different but I can't comprehend why someone would want to do that to themselves, it's like some sort of self-flagellation when you're so close to freedom

As others have asked how new is this man? Does he have children already or is he clueless about the work involved and just wants to pass on his lineage while you do all the grunt work? How likely is it that he'll be taking a lead role in the day to day slog? How will your older children feel about it? I would have been mortified if my mother had babies with another man while I was in my teens. Your age is the least of your issues in this scenario IMO.

MN is full of shit situations where the poster decided to have a baby after 5 mins together and it all went pear shaped. Unsurprisingly. 🙄

So that is the bigger question for me. How long have you been together and what is it that YOU want. Have a baby and you'll be tied together forever.

Agree with do you want another child comments as if not let your partner know soon so they can make a choice about moving on, if you do and/or love your partner enough to have one with them then have one your age is fine!

I had ds (only child) when I was 6 weeks off being 38, so if it is your age that is worrying you then don't worry.

I'm the youngest of five siblings, same mother and father, married for sixteen years when I came along. My siblings are 14, 12, 9 and 7 years older than me. My mother and father were 40 and 42 when I was born. I don't think 38 is too old to have a baby, but it will change your life and it will impact your children's lives.

The huge red flag for me on your post was "my new partner wants ..." Do YOU want a baby? Don't have a baby you don't want or aren't sure about just because you can, and/or because someone else wants you to. And don't have one under these circumstances unless you are able and happy to raise that baby on your own.

As someone who had teens and had a baby at 38.
D
O
N
T.
My eldest is 26 now, youngest 10.
I'm still stuck for want of a bette word with young kids.
It's only when your teens hit adulthood and you're still doing the school run.
You still need babysitter if you want to go anywhere.
I wouldn't send him back but the upheaval to your life is something else.

I had my two at 36 and 39 so I’d say no, it’s not too late. However this is about more than age isn’t it? It’s about whether you want to go through it all again?

Well it’s clearly not too old according to nature, but that’s not really the point. How long have you been with this man? Have you always wanted another, or is this something he’s pushing for?

@Hesma

I had my two at 36 and 39 so I’d say no, it’s not too late. However this is about more than age isn’t it? It’s about whether you want to go through it all again?

And the effect in the older children, having a stepfather and a new half sibling in their home and family.

I am astounded by the lack of consideration for the older kids in this thread.

Doesn’t mean the answer will be different, but their feelings are part of the equation, surely? More than the OP’s age, since 38 is only ‘too old’ if it is, and none of us have a view of your ovaries, and only the OP knows what her energy levels are, how likely new man is to be a hands in dad and share the workload, and what her financial situation is.

I am astounded by the lack of consideration for the older kids in this thread.

Quite frankly, while I'd consider the impact of further children on any previous children I had, I'd be damned if any of my previous children had any involvement in deciding whether I had more children or not.

Our bodily autonomy should be in relation to our children too.

I completely agree with @Lweji on body autonomy but I also think @MarianneUnfaithful has a very valid point, new partner/baby will be a like a bomb dropped in their lives.

The word NEW is very concerning though.

7 pages and the OP hasn't been back......

Our bodily autonomy should be in relation to our children too

Well obviously we aren’t here to provide siblings on demand on the day so if our kids.

But being a parent involved thinking about the lives we give our kids.

I have watched nieces, nephews and cousins’ kids feel very sidelined, pushed out of place, or go off the rails feeling disaffected as their separated parents joyfully go into parenthood with a new partner. Others have been delighted to be in a blended family. But not all have thrived. It’s nothing to do with bodily autonomy.

Your not getting any younger and if Mother Nature feels it’s ok, just have another little one to love. You may have twins!!

What do YOU want?

I wouldn’t want more with that age gap, but it’s your body and you’re the one who’ll probably end up doing majority of parenting.

How long has this partner been in your life? Do you think they’ll stick around, pay maintenance and be a good father? I’d not be keen.

I don’t think the op is coming back…