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Original poster

Partner wants baby, but I'm 38!

219 replies

BusyMum84 · 17/07/2021 10:15

My new partner wants to try for a baby, I already have 17,13 and 7 year old from previous relationship. Is it selfish to have a baby at 38? Is 38 to old to do it all again?

Any advice much appreciated x

OP posts:
AlwaysLatte · 17/07/2021 10:32

I had my second at 39. Totally fine!!

1starwars2 · 17/07/2021 10:32

How do you feel about it? You will have spread out having a young child for nearly 30 years. Are you looking forward to the freedom of your children being older?

WalkingMeAway · 17/07/2021 10:33

Well I think there are two questions here, do you actually want a baby?

I've just had my third at 39. I can't see what's selfish about it , and I certainly don't feel too old !

Merryoldgoat · 17/07/2021 10:35

It’s not the age.

How new is the partner?
Are you financially secure in your own right?
Do you have an adequate home?

BlackeyedSusan · 17/07/2021 10:35

And there's a hell of a lot of a difference between having a baby as you want children and haven't got any and having an extra one because someone else wants one.

ItPearl · 17/07/2021 10:37

[quote DemBonesDemBones]@ItPearl do you need to own your own house to have a baby? [/quote]
Eh? if you already have three and then later four DC to be responsible for, it's good to have the security of a roof over your head.

As a mother of four would OP be free to go out and work and earn to rent a house big enough to home four dependents, and would having another child now cost her older children in terms of the opportunities you can offer them.

So yeh, do you own your own house and would having another child now jeopardise that is a very good question imo

When I left my x with two dependents at 37 I had a five year financial recovery plan, which took 9 years, but no way would I put it in jeopardy now.

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 17/07/2021 10:41

My Mum had been at nearly forty.

I've never missed out and I've always felt we've had the perfect age gap. She'd been around the block before and I feel I really benefitted from having a more worldly parent.

But if you don't want a baby you don't have to. You've done this before and have been a 'Mummy' your whole adult life. If you are finished you don't need to apologise for that.

HotHointheavo · 17/07/2021 10:43

My youngest was 20 when my younger youngest was born! I had had a ft stillborn little boy 15 months prior.
I was 39.

You are not too old by any means but mothering at 40 was worlds away from mothering at 17. My overwhelming thought is that I was exhausted!! That said I am totally different mum to the youngest DD and far more chilled aand aware of what is really important!

Blossomtoes · 17/07/2021 10:47

Do you want another baby? Back to sleepless nights, nappies and the loss of freedom you’re only just beginning to get back? Do you want to spend 35 or 40 years of your life actively parenting?

As you can tell, my answer would be a hard no. You might feel differently. This isn’t an age thing, it’s a do I want to start all over again thing.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 17/07/2021 10:48

"Is it selfish to have a baby at 38?" What? Why would it be selfish to have a baby at 38? Am I missing something? If you want another baby and are financially secure enough to have one then go for it.

nimbuscloud · 17/07/2021 10:49

How new is your new partner??

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 17/07/2021 10:51

I don't think it's too old at all, but it does seem like it would be you having a baby for him or for a sort of 'together' baby. I wonder how your other children would feel about it? It will have a major impact on them and the help and support you'll be able to give them - financially and time etc. For me it would be no, but its whatever is best for you and your whole family unit.

Cloudninenine · 17/07/2021 10:52

I don’t think 38 is too old.

There are other relevant questions - do you want another baby? Do you have room? Can you afford it? Will your other children cope? Etc. If the answer to all of those is yes then age shouldn’t be a barrier.

Bluedeblue · 17/07/2021 10:52

No way on earth would I entertain this! You don't owe any man a baby!

I was 38 when I met DH. He was 35 and would have been open to a baby (but not fussed either). My kids were then 11 & 9. I didn't want any more, and did say to him, that the fact that he had reached 35 and not become a parent, wasn't my problem to fix. Not that it was a "problem", but you know what I mean.

I am 51 now, and he is 48. The kids are now grown up and we have the time and money for fab holidays and whatever we want really. Had we had a baby, say 2 years after we met, that child would still be in Primary school, which seems bizarre, given that DS & DD have both been through Uni and out the other side already, and are in good jobs, with Partners.

It's a NO from me.

Sandunesandseashells · 17/07/2021 10:53

I was 38 when I had mine, I hoped for two but my body had other ideas and went straight into an early menopause. Not once during my pregnancy did anyone (hcp) suggest I was a mature mother either.

Cloudninenine · 17/07/2021 10:54

Also… how new is your ‘new’ partner? Because you definitely shouldn’t be having a baby for his benefit in a new relationship! Has he met your kids and if so do they get on? Are you confident the relationship will last and he won’t walk off leaving you with the baby you had for him…?

FrogWaa · 17/07/2021 10:54

It's not selfish you're plenty young enough and as you'll be the one left holding the baby if it goes tits up with the new partner, I don't see how you could be selfish .

Why the fuck you'd want to start over when you have a17 year old nearly out of the house I don't know.

Do you want a baby??

FrogWaa · 17/07/2021 10:55

Women are not baby providers. If you don't want a baby don't have a baby for someone

GiantHaystacks2021 · 17/07/2021 10:59

I wouldn't, if I were you.
You have 3 already so you'd be going back to nappies again.
What do your kids think about this?

What if this relationship doesn't work out, bet he won't be the one left holding the baby.

pleasedonttextmyman · 17/07/2021 10:59

Good grief, 38 is not 70, it's a perfectly normal age to have children.

The question should be: do you WANT a baby? Do you want to commit long term to another child, can you afford 4 children (and adult kids cost a hell of a lot more than a little one).

Chamomileteaplease · 17/07/2021 11:00

You would be crazy to do this. IMO.

Greenrubber · 17/07/2021 11:01

I'm 8 months pregnant at 40! It's very common to have children later on now!
Personally as long as you are fit and healthy I don't see how it can be selfish

But it's also a big commitment and you have to be 100% into it and not just do it for your partner as you already know

sallyfox · 17/07/2021 11:01

def not 2 late. (had all my 3 children (separate births) in my 40s. 2nd & 3rd home births)

Hankunamatata · 17/07/2021 11:02

Do u want another?

billiebeeme · 17/07/2021 11:02

If I were you I wouldn't want to go bk to that. If dp didn't have any kids then I wld feel more inclined to but it is def not too old. It's more about do you want a baby.

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