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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want WFH DP in the office

319 replies

jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 07:36

So judging from the WFH threads on here I am probably taking my life into my hands but here goes.

I work term time only. Obviously this has its advantages.

I would like DP in the office for a couple of days a week for the next six weeks, mainly so that I can have friends visit.

I’m wondering how to phrase this so it doesn’t sound like ‘fuck off out of your own home’ Grin

(A big challenge is that DP doesn’t mind noise. It’s me who minds making it and him listening!)

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 07:39

Is he allowed in the office a couple of days a week? And are you expecting him to tell you which days he can go, or for him to work around your plans? What was his work set-up before Covid, was he usually in the office? I don’t think you’re BU to not want the house to be his workplace 24/7, but I know that at my work I would really struggle to coordinate this still.

canyon2000 · 17/07/2021 07:39

Just have your friends round if he doesn't mind. I think it is a bit unfair to make him go to his office where he might be at greater risk of catching covid when he doesn't need to.

Passthecake30 · 17/07/2021 07:41

Try - “Are you planning on going to the office over the next 6 weeks so I can have a girls catch up?”

I know I’m pissing my Dp off by working at the kitchen table constantly so if he asked nicely I’d probably go..

RobinPenguins · 17/07/2021 07:41

Is he allowed back in his office? I’m desperate to go back but we’re still only allowed by absolute exception and my partner wanting to have friends round wouldn’t cut it. If he’s making a choice to stay at home it’s reasonable to discuss him going to the office a day a week or so but I don’t think you can ask for full time.

ketchupman · 17/07/2021 07:42

I've done the same OP, mine's going back for a few days from next week. Our home has turned into his office. He wasn't pleased about it but was gracious enough to realise he wasn't the easiest to accommodate Grin

NakedAttraction · 17/07/2021 07:43

I don’t understand why you can’t have your DP there when your friends come round.

I’ve been quite happily going into my office a few days a week for the last few months but have stopped now that the chances of catching covid are so high again.

cookiesandcreamm · 17/07/2021 07:44

Where's his set up at home?

Jenasaurus · 17/07/2021 07:45

I guess he could take his laptop to Costa for a couple of hours if his office isnt allowing them back, or could he work in the bedroom on those days? I dont know your home set up but that may be an option I would have thought

drpet49 · 17/07/2021 07:45

If I was your husband I say I’m not going anywhere. YABU

Whyo · 17/07/2021 07:46

I don’t think you can word asking someone out their own house for 2 days a week for 6 weeks in a good way. Are you really going to spend that much time with friends in your house? 2 full days a week for 6 weeks and it has to be in your house can’t be anywhere else? It’s weird they can’t be there with him too or you can’t go meet them in a Costa.

If it’s a case of you want some time to yourself that you would usually enjoy then be honest. I would be happy to work with that as best I could - I wouldn’t be happy being asked to leave my home for that long for that reason.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/07/2021 07:48

Can he not work out of the way somewhere? Having friends over in summer you may be in the garden anyway.

Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 07:56

He’s allowed in the office, absolutely.

I certainly don’t wish to sound like an arse but if he wasn’t this would perhaps be the most stupid thread ever!

We won’t be in the garden. The house layout has a garden at the front which is for decorative purposes only and a small patio at the back. Even if we used the patio DP would be looking straight at us because of where his office is, so it
wouldn’t be very relaxing.

I don’t want friends around when he’s WFH for the same reason that he probably wouldn’t want me to come along when he goes to the pub or to his mates house, I suppose - I don’t think that’s too contentious.

OP posts:
Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 07:56

And he can’t go to Costa - too much equipment.

OP posts:
cookiesandcreamm · 17/07/2021 07:57

Get him to shut the blinds 😂
WFH and having friends round is totally different to going to the pub with his IMO

user1461609321 · 17/07/2021 07:59

Or why don't you meet your friends at Costa, must they meet you at home?

Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 07:59

There aren’t blinds, they are curtains. In any event, this is the problem sometimes with threads like this as people start honing in on details and it starts to become a bit ridiculous.

Friends visit, dp is sat in a room with closer curtains and windows in the height of summer and that’s somehow more sensible than ‘do you mind going to the office.’

Plus the fact that I would have to have everything ready first, no going in and out of the kitchen, then if the weather is bad or too hot what do we do?

It’s bonkers. I’m really surprised so many think I’m totally unreasonable.

OP posts:
cookiesandcreamm · 17/07/2021 08:01

Well putting it in AIBU surely you expected you a very strong response

Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 08:01

why don’t you meet your friends at costa

Mostly because I’d quite like them to see where I live (only moved here about ten months ago) and also for friends coming from a fair way away it’s a bit more relaxing and comfortable. That’s not to say we might not go out for lunch but I can’t imagine driving for two hours then sitting for an hour in Costa is fair really.

OP posts:
Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 08:02

Oh I know there are strong responses. I genuinely can’t see where I’m being unreasonable, though. That’s not me being awkward, I can’t see it.

I’m not talking about insisting he’s out for five days a week. I literally just want a couple of days a week where I can see friends, clean the house, enjoy my holiday.

I mean when he has a days leave he has these things?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 17/07/2021 08:05

Whether or not your friends come over, it’s fine to talk to him about him going into the office so you can get some space. Equally he could request you vacate too. Just talk about it, don’t feel bad.

ememem84 · 17/07/2021 08:08

No. Not unreasonable to ask him. Especially if he is allowed back in.

I had to ask DH to go back in on a Friday (my day off with the kids) because he refused to work in our bedroom one day a week - and two kids under 4 make a lot of noise….whether they’re being “noisy” or not.

Initially he said no I wasn’t kicking him out of his own house etc. So he stayed and me and the kids got on with our Friday. The next week he went into the office….

Notonthestairs · 17/07/2021 08:11

How close is his work? What are the practicalities for him?

We are on reading the upside for you.

MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 08:13

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I couldn’t cope with him being there every second of every day off I had, especially if he’s allowed back in so it’s a choice on his part.

Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 08:13

Thanks for responses.

His work is a bit of a commute: perhaps just over an hour (about an hour and ten minutes) which is why I wouldn’t really want him to be in five days a week as it’s an early start and late finish.

But for five weeks I feel it’s reasonable.

The problem is that otherwise I am either confined to one very small part of the house or I have to go out!

OP posts:
tryingtocatchthewind · 17/07/2021 08:17

My husband would have no problem with this. He probably wouldn’t want to go in every week but he realises how disruptive WFH is. Not everyone has a massive house, my husband works in the dining room which is attached to the kitchen and one door from the lounge. To be honest he would offer if he knew I wanted friends round.