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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want WFH DP in the office

319 replies

jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 07:36

So judging from the WFH threads on here I am probably taking my life into my hands but here goes.

I work term time only. Obviously this has its advantages.

I would like DP in the office for a couple of days a week for the next six weeks, mainly so that I can have friends visit.

I’m wondering how to phrase this so it doesn’t sound like ‘fuck off out of your own home’ Grin

(A big challenge is that DP doesn’t mind noise. It’s me who minds making it and him listening!)

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 10:06

@BoomChicka

I thought you were off for 5 weeks? Now I'm confused Grin
So why are you talking about him booking AL in September which is term time? Sounds like you’re just being awkward and on the wind up.
amission · 17/07/2021 10:07

To be honest I thinks it’s always going to sound a bit like ‘can you fuck out of your own house please’

That's what OP is having to deal with every day though..

Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 10:07

I’m not suggesting it daily though.

Its for five weeks two days a week so ten days in a whole year, less than a day a month.

I’m surprised I’m being so unreasonable but I guess so!

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 17/07/2021 10:07

I’m trying to think of any possible solutions here... it’s a 3 bed bungalow with 3 people in it not a one bed flat there MUST be a way?

StormzyinaTCup · 17/07/2021 10:07

I get your frustration OP.

I am a bit of a homebody and very much like my own company. DH and I had a routine for years which worked well for us. He commuted to the office two full days a week and I commuted to the office three full days and 2 half days and DC were in school/college. The key bit for me was his two days in the office coincided with my two half days so I had two afternoons a week to myself (and he had the house to himself to work three days with no distractions).

For the last eighteen months we have both been working from home and our two teen DCs have been in college four months out of eighteen (and are now on Summer hols) and no one gets much of a break from each other. It's been a test of my MH that's for sure (and probably DH/DC too).

I think the only one that has really benefited is the dog Smile.

onceivepostedidontcomeback · 17/07/2021 10:08

The scenario you're talking about is one of the reasons I was desperate to get back into the office. DP lost his job during CV and I was working at home. It wasn't fair he was restricted due to my employers needs which is why I insisted on returning to the office at least 75% of the time. Irrespective of the size of my house - it's our home!

Another thing to consider is that going forward I'm not happy as a customer dealing with people who are wfh when others in their home (because it is a home, not an office) will over hear or be able to see my personal details on a computer screen.

BoomChicka · 17/07/2021 10:08

Sorry, yes, obviously August not September, don't know why I put September. My point being if he books some days off in advance and you both do your own thing those days?

amission · 17/07/2021 10:08

@jasmineblossoms

I’m not suggesting it daily though.

Its for five weeks two days a week so ten days in a whole year, less than a day a month.

I’m surprised I’m being so unreasonable but I guess so!

You're not OP

Some people have just lost sight of what homes are for.

Their lives are easier working from home and they want to cling on to that at the expense of everyone else in the home

RJnomore1 · 17/07/2021 10:09

I think @Notonthestairs has the only potential solution left up there

BoomChicka · 17/07/2021 10:09

@MiddleParking calm down it was an accident.

MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 10:09

I don’t think it’s at all a bad thing to ask your partner to fuck off out their own house the odd time, if you phrase it less profanely. Especially when the house is a bungalow with you and a baby trying to live your lives in it. Which is, you know, why people have houses.

greenflamingo · 17/07/2021 10:11

I hear you! I WFH but go to a bedroom and keep well out of the way of the family. DH chooses to WFH in the kitchen diner and sometimes it makes me feel quite stabby. I am blunt when children have holidays from school as they shouldn’t spend that time feeling like they’re in someone’s office.

Alpinechalet · 17/07/2021 10:11

I think some posters are being unfair to the OP.

Prior to March 2019 we all purchased homes based on our family and work needs. At that time most of us did no WFH or just dId the odd day, so had no office/ regular place to work at home. Those WFH regularly or permanently home based bought homes that could accommodate this.

Covid means many families have had to find space for one or both partners to WFH, as well as school children. This has been a struggle and meant a lot of compromises, as a lot of families cannot afford to move to a more suitable house or build home offices, extend properties.
It’s why houses that offer suitable home working space are selling so well.

The reality is the OPs partner is working in a space that is not ideal for home working but also it impacts on her enjoying her own home. Having an adult conversation with her DP about how Covid has impacted them both is not unreasonable. Hybrid working is happening for many employers/employees so her DP working 1 or 2 days in the office is not an unreasonable thing to discuss.

OP I feel for you as you just want to be able to relax with your baby in your home and not feel like you are living in an office for 8 to 10 hours each day. Asking friends round to your home over the summer is something many people do and is a sign we are getting some of our old life’s back. We will never go back to the old normal but you are not unreasonable to want to have the odd day which feels like it used to. Discuss with your DP how you are feeling and ask if he would consider the odd day in the office.

Hont1986 · 17/07/2021 10:12

Their lives are easier working from home

God forbid they might want to hang onto that... Hmm

lactofree · 17/07/2021 10:13

Go to their house, stop being lazy wanting them to come to you. Is it so you can get drunk?

Wanting to kick your husband out so you can have people over is'nt a very good reason

MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 10:13

[quote BoomChicka]@MiddleParking calm down it was an accident.[/quote]
I’m fine Confused

MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 10:14

@Hont1986

Their lives are easier working from home

God forbid they might want to hang onto that... Hmm

God forbid their partners might want a bit of the easy life too.
vivainsomnia · 17/07/2021 10:16

My worry if I was him is that if he starts to go to the office for the next 6 weeks, his work might decide that he is ok with it, that it does suit them better for him to be there, and they suddenly decide that he can be back in the office 2 or 3 times a day or worse FT.

All this because you wanted a bit of time for yourself. I totally get where you're coming from but considering his commute, it would be quite an unfair outcome.

Original poster
jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 10:17

Why are people so horrible? I’ve accepted I’m unreasonable. Of course I’m not going to get drunk in the middle of the day with a baby.

Going to other people’s houses is hard with such a young child. And plus if they also have partners wfh you have the same problem, if homes are offices now it’s how it is.

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 17/07/2021 10:17

Is it so you can get drunk?
I assumed being able to moan about DH as you do with friends.

proopher · 17/07/2021 10:17

@vivainsomnia but he did his commute before the pandemic, and presumably he took the job knowing the commute length, so what's the problem with that really?

Just ask him OP. I don't understand why you won't just bring this up with him.

MiddleParking · 17/07/2021 10:19

@jasmineblossoms

Why are people so horrible? I’ve accepted I’m unreasonable. Of course I’m not going to get drunk in the middle of the day with a baby.

Going to other people’s houses is hard with such a young child. And plus if they also have partners wfh you have the same problem, if homes are offices now it’s how it is.

You’re not unreasonable, at all. It’s your home before it’s his office and your comfort and convenience and that of the baby should be important to him.
Notonthestairs · 17/07/2021 10:20

Erm I think the reference to drinking says a lot more about that individual poster than it does about the Op.

Talk to your husband. Don't sit on those feelings.

Mrstamborineman · 17/07/2021 10:20

Yabu however I TOTALLY understand why you need space.
Maybe lots of laughing, talking, children, mess and noise may persuade him to go into the office.
There is more than one route. Grin

proopher · 17/07/2021 10:20

I should add, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Homes are homes, not offices.