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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
Herja · 16/07/2021 09:49

It's just a dress. I'd hate to make a good friend uncomfortable on what is meant to be a very special day.

In fairness, I also strongly dislike matching bridesmaid dresses on people over 10, which probably clouds my opinion...

I get that it's a special day for you, but for me, the day would be far more clouded by me having upset my friend than it ever could be by people wearing similar, but not identical, dresses.

Whinge · 16/07/2021 09:50

Probably not what you want to hear, but i'd change the dress.

The comfort of my friend would matter more to me than them wearing matching outfits.

LongTimeMammaBear · 16/07/2021 09:51

Frankly, as long as the dresses are the same colour and material, they match enough. If the dress is not flattering or comfortable on your MOH, why wouldn’t you wish her to be comfortable?

stonebrambleboy · 16/07/2021 09:55

I'm assuming the two dresses are the same colour. So different styles would be fine, I'd alter the dress.
Enjoy your day!

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:55

I obviously don't wish her to be uncomfortable but we all decided on these dresses, had them tailor-made for them and I've paid a lot of money for them. I would be happy for her to get another dress but I really can't afford to buy another one and we haven't found a different dress she is happy with.

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 16/07/2021 09:55

I think I'd perhaps compromise on the straps as I think straps bs strapless makes little difference to the style.

But no way would I agree to shortening it, that completely alters the style and I'm struggling to understand how wearing for example a full length dress vs a knee length dress is making her uncomfortable? The fit at the end of the day is still the same.

It sound more like she just prefers a different style, which is not the same as being "uncomfortable".

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 16/07/2021 09:55

Your friend is more important than your wedding photos.

FrangipaniBlue · 16/07/2021 09:56

@JackieBrown63

I obviously don't wish her to be uncomfortable but we all decided on these dresses, had them tailor-made for them and I've paid a lot of money for them. I would be happy for her to get another dress but I really can't afford to buy another one and we haven't found a different dress she is happy with.
She agreed to the style and you've paid for it?

In that case she doesn't get to change her mind at the last minute!

Whinge · 16/07/2021 09:57

I would be happy for her to get another dress but I really can't afford to buy another one and we haven't found a different dress she is happy with.

Have you told her this? If I felt that uncomfortable in the dress that had been provided for me, and the bride was ok with me buying another dress I would be happy to buy it myself.

Pootles34 · 16/07/2021 09:59

I'd say she can either get another dress (that you approve) or have this one altered, but she pays for it.

I'd be annoyed if she really did approve of the dress when you bought it - I assume you all went shopping together? Didn't she say anything then?

Overall however, I'd want my bridesmaids happy, and don't think it's fair to make someone wear something they don't like.

MimiDaisy11 · 16/07/2021 09:59

I think your friend is the unreasonable one. She should have voiced concerns earlier. If you already agreed to them it’s rude of her to change her mind and cause issues. You shouldn’t have to pay for multiple dresses especially as you involved her in deciding the first one

SweatyBetty20 · 16/07/2021 10:00

I was one of three and although we had the "same" dress - we all had different straps! I have no tits, a friend has a decent pair, and the third has massive massive MASSIVE tits and needed full support and thick straps. It actually looked ace.

MissMissTorrance · 16/07/2021 10:00

She's being awkward. She only needs to wear the dress for one blooming day yet she chooses to fuss and cause you stress over it.
Very selfish.

FreeBritnee · 16/07/2021 10:02

God she sounds like a PITA. If she were a good friend she’d put in the dress and do her job as MOH. it’s not about her.

Iwonder08 · 16/07/2021 10:04

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Let her wear what she wants, you will be a centre of attention anyway. She is your friend, don't you care that she feel uncomfortable and won't enjoy herself?

MindyStClaire · 16/07/2021 10:05

@MimiDaisy11

I think your friend is the unreasonable one. She should have voiced concerns earlier. If you already agreed to them it’s rude of her to change her mind and cause issues. You shouldn’t have to pay for multiple dresses especially as you involved her in deciding the first one
This. I'd compromise by allowing her change the straps as that's not a big deal. But if you're paying for the dress then the deal is that you choose colour, fabric and length and she's known that so I think she's taking the piss to object now. If it was something like her having put on some weight and feeling self conscious in a tight fitting dress or something I'd feel differently, but it doesn't sound like that if she wants to shorten it.

Having said that, I don't know how hard I'd push it and risk the friendship. You may want to consider letting her get the alterations made at her own cost for the sake of your friendship.

EgSk · 16/07/2021 10:06

When I got married I had bridesmaids in 4 different countries . I really wanted everyone to be happy , and since they all couldn’t try them on , I made a questionnaire for everyone to fill out . As it turned out , that made it worse . One bridesmaid insisted on a long dress only , another short , another hated colour , another had to have straps. Ahhhh!!

I went with the same colour/material but let them pick out the style . Not everyone was happy with the colour ( cornflower blue) but I only found out afterwards because they were good bridesmaids and didn’t complain to me in person lol .

I’ve hated almost every bridesmaid dress I’ve worn but I’ve never said it to the bride.

Anyway , because you know she doesn’t like it I would do whatever to make her happy otherwise you’ll stress about her and she will be upset .

When wedding planning it’s so easy to look at all details and stress but in the grand scheme of things bridesmaid dresses are so minor .

Crystal90567 · 16/07/2021 10:07

Bridesmaids aren't meant to upstage the bride. Why is she being so attention seeking

CliftonGreenYork · 16/07/2021 10:08

@Herja

It's just a dress. I'd hate to make a good friend uncomfortable on what is meant to be a very special day.

In fairness, I also strongly dislike matching bridesmaid dresses on people over 10, which probably clouds my opinion...

I get that it's a special day for you, but for me, the day would be far more clouded by me having upset my friend than it ever could be by people wearing similar, but not identical, dresses.

"It's just a dress. I'd hate to make a good friend uncomfortable on what is meant to be a very special day." Which is why the bridesmade should stop complaining and wear what her friend wants on HER special day.
MrsSchadenfreude · 16/07/2021 10:09

One dress, one day. She should suck it up and shut up. It’s not all about her.

PrincessMyshkin · 16/07/2021 10:10

What's wrong with the straps? If she feels genuinely uncomfortable as they're unflattering, say spaghetti straps and a big bust, let her change them.

onlyhereforthecake · 16/07/2021 10:11

She is completely unreasonable - and so self-centred, no one cares about the bridesmaids as much as she thinks!

Is she jealous of you or something? or trying to pull one of the best men maybe? Why is she after all the attention?

but for an easier life, i'd change the straps too. (as long as they stay in the same colour!).Much more subtle than altering the length and her turning up in a min skirt..

LittleTiger007 · 16/07/2021 10:11

@Herja

It's just a dress. I'd hate to make a good friend uncomfortable on what is meant to be a very special day.

In fairness, I also strongly dislike matching bridesmaid dresses on people over 10, which probably clouds my opinion...

I get that it's a special day for you, but for me, the day would be far more clouded by me having upset my friend than it ever could be by people wearing similar, but not identical, dresses.

This. I was a bridesmaid in a dress that was awful. It suited the other two bridesmaids who were willowy, but did nothing for my hourglass figure. I felt frumpy and awful all day although I tried to hide it. I personally would want my bridesmaid to have happy memories of the day. The same colour in different styles is, in my opinion the only way to go with adult bridesmaids. One style does not suit all.
Mosaic123 · 16/07/2021 10:12

Could you buy her some kind of wrap to go over the top of the dress? Silky perhaps?

ahoyshipmates · 16/07/2021 10:12

It really, really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Get the dress altered the way she wants. And if you have concerns about them not matching, why don't you ask the other bridesmaid if she's happy with hers. She might like hers to be altered too.

If not, like I said, it doesn't matter. You are the bride and all eyes will be on you. Nobody else will care whether the bridesmaid dresses match or not.

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