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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
BeIIend · 16/07/2021 11:03

That's a pretty dress, I don't even like dresses and I can see that.

I wore a fucking ridiculous mauve full length, god knows what for a friend because she asked me to. I even paid for the dress and the hefty import fees when it arrived, then for the alterations...and the eye wateringly expensive international plane ticket to my home country for the privilege of wearing it as a bridesmaid.

And I did it with not one complaint. Because I wasn't getting married.

OP don't get in to much with her just say, text, if you feel more compfrtable.

"I really like the look of the full-length dress and because there are only two of you I just really want you to match. It's really important to me for the photos and I'll be really disappointed if you cut it. Thank you for being my MOH! love you much"

Nothing else. If she does it anyway, she's kind of a dick.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2021 11:06

Honestly can’t imagine putting the dress above my friends feelings, if she’s uncomfortable let her make the changes, it’s just a dress. Her comfort is more important,

L0bstersLass · 16/07/2021 11:07

It's a lovely frock. If she's got a large bust she may want to add some straps under the mesh. I'd be ok with that.

I wouldn't be happy with any other changes and I would want to attend the appointment with the dressmaker.

Any changes not authorised by me would be a massive breach of my trust and would lead to me revaluating the friendship and her involvement in my wedding.

TheVamoosh · 16/07/2021 11:08

As long as she pays for the alteration I would let her get on with it. They'll still look similar enough and it's her dress, not yours.

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 11:08

She wants to cut all of the mesh part off the top and put thin spaghetti straps on instead. She also wanted it short - above the knee. She is self conscious of her arms/shoulders and she said she feels wide in it. I personally think the spaghetti straps would be less flattering than this but it's up to her. I have tried to compromise but she's going ahead with it anyway from the sounds of it lol

OP posts:
Nengineer · 16/07/2021 11:09

I assumed I was clicking on a link to see a huge peach nylon meringue. AIBU to be a little disappointment that the dress is tasteful and lovely Grin

ScrollingLeaves · 16/07/2021 11:09

I have just seen the dress and agree it is not the sort of style to change. Where would the straps go exactly?

Even so, just let her get on with it I think and put it behind you. Don’t let it spoil your hen party or wedding. Have a lovely time for both. Her choice will not make any difference to how lovely it can all be for you.🌹🌸🌺🌷

Crowsaregreat · 16/07/2021 11:10

Has she told you the reason for the change? Is she physically uncomfortable or self-conscious the way it is, or does she just think it could look nicer?

I think she's being unreasonable but you need to keep perspective, it's only a tiny detail really. Not worth getting worked up about to the extent that it overshadows your hen night or wedding. Everyone will be looking at you, bridesmaids are just backdrops!

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 11:10

Nengineer - sorry to dissapoint you! LOL

OP posts:
Sarcobaleno · 16/07/2021 11:11

The length would be more of an issue for me. It doesn't look like a dress that would work above the knee. Could you compromise and say yes to the straps but no the shortening?

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 16/07/2021 11:13

I’d always want my loved ones to be comfortable if they’re going through the hassle of being in my wedding. There are a few things here. She agreed to the dress, but did she agree to keep you happy and is now having massive anxiety about the dress? Does she have form for being demanding etc? If she doesn’t really have form for this kind of thing I’d probably allow small alternations to allow her to feel comfortable, but I wouldn’t offer to pay for it. The cost / quality of ASOS dresses is quite cheap (no offence I’ve got an ASOS wedding dress Grin) so depending on the alterations it could be more than the dresses! If it’s the latter and she’s just doing it to be a pain in the arse and hassle you I’d tell her one final time she agreed to the dress, you don’t want to alter them and any future mention of it will result in her being removed as MoH.

I wore a fucking ridiculous mauve full length, god knows what for a friend because she asked me to.
My bridesmaids dresses are mauve, what’s wrong with mauve? Blush

BeIIend · 16/07/2021 11:13

It's your wedding not a nightclub. She doesn't need a mini dress. Just tell her no.

ScrollingLeaves · 16/07/2021 11:13

It sounds as though your friend has problems with anxiety and self esteem.

BeIIend · 16/07/2021 11:14

@MikeWozniaksGloriousTache

I’d always want my loved ones to be comfortable if they’re going through the hassle of being in my wedding. There are a few things here. She agreed to the dress, but did she agree to keep you happy and is now having massive anxiety about the dress? Does she have form for being demanding etc? If she doesn’t really have form for this kind of thing I’d probably allow small alternations to allow her to feel comfortable, but I wouldn’t offer to pay for it. The cost / quality of ASOS dresses is quite cheap (no offence I’ve got an ASOS wedding dress Grin) so depending on the alterations it could be more than the dresses! If it’s the latter and she’s just doing it to be a pain in the arse and hassle you I’d tell her one final time she agreed to the dress, you don’t want to alter them and any future mention of it will result in her being removed as MoH.

I wore a fucking ridiculous mauve full length, god knows what for a friend because she asked me to.
My bridesmaids dresses are mauve, what’s wrong with mauve? Blush

It depends on the mauve. Yours are probably fine! BlushGrin

Sorry, these had panels of fabric and I don't know special ugly powers.

ScrollingLeaves · 16/07/2021 11:15

It all depends on whether you want to keep her as a friend. She is being outrageous but you could just let it go.

igelkott2021 · 16/07/2021 11:16

The dress is nice, I am not that keen on the colour but it's not yellow yellow so would probably look on even those of us who suit cool colours.

I don't really see the issue with the top - it's much more flattering than straps, I don't like strappy tops. Does the length end up making her legs look like tree trunks.

Why doesn't she like the dress - has she actually told you? Not just I want straps and a shorter length, but why.

Chachachawoo · 16/07/2021 11:16

Op I feel your pain and you sound as though you have really tried to find something they will both be happy in whereas moh sounds like a pain.
I do feel bad for all the posters who have spent the day in a dress they felt uncomfortable I'm. That's a horrible experience so I would be sympathetic to that...
The matching dresses in the photos really don't matter in my opinion. Esp since you may never speak to her again after this performance. The most important thing for me would be that those closest to me are happy.
So in your shoes I would tell her that you would like the dresses to match as much as poss but she can make any alterations that make her feel more comfortable bc you want her to enjoy the day. I would also make clear that the dress budget is empty and any alterations are on her.

pinkteapots · 16/07/2021 11:16

@FreeBritnee

God she sounds like a PITA. If she were a good friend she’d put in the dress and do her job as MOH. it’s not about her.
This ^^
MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 16/07/2021 11:16

Cross posted with this
I have tried to compromise but she's going ahead with it anyway from the sounds of it lol
The fact she is ploughing ahead despite you clearly raising reservations wouldn’t be ok with me tbh. You want her to be comfortable sure, but she’s not taking you into consideration and tells you what kind of person she is.

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:17

@JackieBrown63

She wants to cut all of the mesh part off the top and put thin spaghetti straps on instead. She also wanted it short - above the knee. She is self conscious of her arms/shoulders and she said she feels wide in it. I personally think the spaghetti straps would be less flattering than this but it's up to her. I have tried to compromise but she's going ahead with it anyway from the sounds of it lol
Good god. She basically wants to turn it into a different dress. Tell her she can do what she wants with it after the wedding but she will stand out like a sore thumb if she does that.
Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:18

Tell her she has hideous knees so you don't think that's a good idea?!

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 16/07/2021 11:19

It depends on the mauve. Yours are probably fine!
Nice recovery Grin they seem happy with them but they’re not labelled “bridesmaid” dresses so hopefully have avoided the bad points (and panels).

BungleandGeorge · 16/07/2021 11:19

Totally unreasonable, she doesn’t want to change the dress because it’s too revealing/ unflattering she wants to change it to a style she like better.

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 11:20

The dresses aren't from Asos they were from a bridal shop. The picture is the most similar I can find to the dress style. :)

I thought she was happy with it and we agreed to make slight alterations no problem but she texted me this morning saying she's booked the seamstress and having it altered how she wants it and I honestly don't like the idea. I haven't said anything to her yet I just wanted to get a better idea of how to handle it. Tomorrow's my hen do and I really don't feel up for it right now LOL

OP posts:
AnUnoriginalUsername · 16/07/2021 11:21

I'd let her change it but she pays for it herself. I think bridesmaids look better in different styles though, the same dress rarely looks equally as good on different women.