My bridesmaid hates her dress?

[JackieBrown63]

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

I feel like this depends on what she's like normally. If this is a pattern of behaviour where she rides roughshod over your opinions and feelings and it's making you feel bad because of that, you can choose to stand firm or cave, whichever makes you feel nicest in the run up to your wedding (and then deal with the way she treats you after).

If she's normally lovely and she is feeling awful about the dress and has been proactive about sorting out without causing you any more stress - ask yourself whether your desire to have matching dresses on your wedding day trumps a friend's discomfort (clue: it doesn't).

Puzzledandpissedoff

I don't disagree, and I personally would tell the CF that she is clearly not happy about being the MOH so she doesn't have to do it, she has been replaced and she doesn't need to go to the wedding at all.

but I understand some people are less comfortable about confrontations

Is she quite well endowed in the boob department? She might want straps to help her feel more secure. I'd work with her to get alterations you are both happy with to the straps but the length stays as long as as she can walk.

She can pay though as she should have spoken up sooner

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Realistically, what's the poor OP supposed to do?

How about "MOH, you seem uncomfortable about the arrangements, which surprised me when you'd already agreed ... are you sure you still want to do this, because I'd quite understand if you prefer to drop out and enjoy rhe day as a guest"?

It might or might not pull her up short, and if it doesn't you really will know what you're dealing with - especially as one demand's likely to spawn another as the day looms

Or do this

I’m finding it hard to judge without knowing the reasons for her request. How long is it? Floor length is surely fine for anyone, if she’s short and it hits at an awkward point I kind of get it. Regarding straps: Since having kids I’ve got really big boobs and know that spaghetti straps and strapless don’t do me any favours. I’d probably personally suck it up, but I would not feel good about myself in a bridesmaid dress like that. Thicker straps would make me much happier, which would probably make me a better, smilier and more attentive bridesmaid on the day, even if I wasn’t deliberately being difficult in the unflattering dress.

I agree with everyone saying any changes she pays, but she seems to agree on that given she’s booked a seamstress herself.

YANBU. I would tell her the dress would not be changed, swapped, tailored or altered in anyway and that’s the last I’d hear about it.

She has the choice of being bridesmaid in the dress or not being bridesmaid. This isn’t about her.

@MissMissTorrance

She's being awkward. She only needs to wear the dress for one blooming day yet she chooses to fuss and cause you stress over it. Very selfish.

Exactly! Op It’s your day. Awful that she is causing so much stress for you.

Change the dress and keep the friend. It's only one day, yes it's your day, but why ruin a friendship for a dress. My sister wore a horrendous dress to my wedding (her choice as we had no money. It still annoys me but I still love her. And she's far more important than that bloody dress !

It’s a dress, that you have paid for, for one day. She should have spoke up before now. She needs to suck it up in my opinion - it’s one day and doesn’t need to add to any stress. If she really wants, then she can adjust the straps at her cost, but that would be the only alteration.

The theme is yellow/summery so we picked dresses similar to this but full length:

www.asos.com/maya/maya-bridesmaid-mesh-top-delicate-sequin-midi-dress-in-lemon/prd/11659977?clr=lemon&colourWayId=16354429&SearchQuery=maya%20bridesmaid%20dress&affid=5497&currencyid=1&channelref=affiliate&pubref=66350&publisher=MyOneWeddingTheBridalFashionGuide&awc=5678_1626428661_448842b9d50dab4c535d7a3501abafa6

I personally think they are so pretty and the girls look amazing in them. I'm happy to have slight alterations to make her comfortable I said that all along but I LOVE these dresses and don't want to go chopping them up it feels wrong LOL.

I wouldn't mind if I felt like I had a choice but she's gone and booked a seamstress to change the dress without me agreeing to it.

In that case she would no longer be my bridesmaid and I would take the dress back off her. If she causes up a fuss she wouldn’t be coming to the wedding at all.

Length- thats your choice..... unless it shows her knicker gusset, in which case she may have a point

Straps- may need changing, if she is heavy busted & spaghetti straps/strapless dont adequately cover the required underpinnings.

Can we see the dress, or something similar?
And can you tell us what shape she is? Maybe someone here might understand what the issue is.

What does she want to do to it?

Of I was unlucky enough to have to be a bridesmaid I would wear whatever old crap I was given. It's the brides day. But then I am a miserable sod and I hate weddings and don't go unless it's a sibling.

Oh there it is!

I love it. What's she doing the the straps? They're not straps really, but part of the dress.

Can I be your bridesmaid instead?

She helped choose it, she wears it as is

If it really gets pushed I may no something with the straps, but nothing else

It’s a dress to be worn for one day, she hasn’t paid for it, she should be a good enough friend to do as you, the bride, wants, it’s your day

If she isn’t prepared to suck it up then I would be questioning the friendship

@Cailin66

Change the dress and keep the friend. It's only one day, yes it's your day, but why ruin a friendship for a dress. My sister wore a horrendous dress to my wedding (her choice as we had no money. It still annoys me but I still love her. And she's far more important than that bloody dress !

Friends who behave like this aren’t worth it. I’d be taking the dress back and dropping her like a stone

Now we can see the actual dress, what does she want to change?

Shorten it to knee length- no.
Add better straps under the mesh bit- acceptable probably

Make it shoulderless- no

How on earth do you put a strap on these dresses?

I'd understand if there's no mesh top, someone might genuinely worry the dress wouldn't stay safely - not everyone is comfortable in a strapless, that's fine, but these?

They are lovely OP, and your MOH is a pain in the neck CF.

My friend could tell me to wear a burlap sack for her wedding day and I'd wear it because it's their day! I think she's being awkward.
The dress is pretty and I don't see an issue with wearing it for one day aslong as it fit properly etc

If she has booked a seamstress then my response would be, you change the dress you are out

Of the wedding and my life. It’s YOUR day

Straps she may have a point (depending on bust size certain ones can be uncomfortable) but shortening it?!?)
She KNEW it was long when she agreed to wear it.

My BMs all had different dresses. Same colour/fabric/length but otherwise they just chose whatever they felt good in. Saves the headache that way!