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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 10:55

Also there dress is lovely - OP let me replace her, I’d happily wear the dress and organise you the FABBEST hen do Grin

TheOrigRights · 16/07/2021 10:56

OP - a small thing - they're sleeveless not strapless.
It has no straps to change.

SVRT19674 · 16/07/2021 10:57

I would let her alter the dress. This is why I had no maids of honour, absolute pain in the butt.

TheOrigRights · 16/07/2021 10:57

@CastawayQueen

Also there dress is lovely - OP let me replace her, I’d happily wear the dress and organise you the FABBEST hen do Grin
EXCUSE ME, I am before you in the queue!
therocinante · 16/07/2021 10:57

I wouldn't make someone wear something they weren't happy with, I'd tell her she's welcome to get it changed at a proper tailor (at her cost, seeing as she already agreed to the dress).

If the colour is the same it won't ruin the look and that way you're not putting your photos above your friend's comfort - sorted.

HunkyPunk · 16/07/2021 10:57

It's just a dress. I'd hate to make a good friend uncomfortable on what is meant to be a very special day.

This. But directed at the Maid of Honour, not the Bride!

GlencoraP · 16/07/2021 10:57

That is genuinely one of the nicest bridesmaids dresses I’ve seen. It’s not really strapless is it because of the mesh top and the floaty skirt flatters almost all shapes.

Just a thought but she’s not pregnant is she and the dress is now too tight across the bust , in the early weeks my bust felt huge and very heavy and might have made me panic if I was going to be in show .

FabulouslyFab · 16/07/2021 10:57

@MrsSchadenfreude

One dress, one day. She should suck it up and shut up. It’s not all about her.
Yes, exactly this - especially as you paid! If she had paid for it I may be tempted to allow a few small changes but she didn’t. Se only has to wear it for a couple of hours if she really hates it.
Uramaki · 16/07/2021 10:57

Ooh it's lovely! Does she want to take a bit off so she can walk in her shoes? (Fine) Or lop a load off? (Not fine).

Not sure what she wants to do with the straps

But it does depend on what she wants doing and why she wants it really.

Downthisroad · 16/07/2021 10:57

I’ve not been married but as a bridesmaid I’ve worn dresses I don’t particularly like and not made a fuss, IMO it’s not my day, the couple have enough on their plate.

If it’s a body confidence thing, I can sort of understand the desire to change it but as she agreed to the dress she should pay. Making it shorter makes no sense unless it’s dragging on the ground, which presumably it isn’t. If it’s a style preference issue, quite frankly, she needs to get over herself.

LittleTiger007 · 16/07/2021 10:58

Now that I’ve seen the dress I know that it would look awful on anyone with a full bust. This is is me and I could not wear it. Yes it’s a pretty dress but not on anyone full figured. Maybe she liked the dress until she had tried it on? Is this the reason she wants it changed?
If she simply wants the dress shortened then that is not reasonable as long is the style you have chosen.

As people have said, this very much depends upon the individual. Is she usually unreasonable? Or is she a lovely person who genuinely wants to cry when she wears the dress? If it’s the latter then imagine how you’d feel in an uncomfortable or unflattering dress.
If she’s a primadonna who likes things her way and the dress actually looks lovely on her - then simply uninvite her to be a bridesmaid as you dont need the stress.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/07/2021 10:58

I understand some people are less comfortable about confrontations

Absolutely, yes, but then it doesn't have to be a "nasty" sort of confrontation if OP frames it as "This is what we agreed so it's what I'll be going with, but I'll quite understand if you want to back out"

It's often all in the tone, but if folk sway this way and that on demand, yet more demands can generally be expected and things can get unpleasant no matter what you do - which is why a bit of smiling assertiveness can sometimes save the day

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 10:59

Add better straps under the mesh bit- acceptable probably agreed

Make it shoulderless- no agreed

AryaStarkWolf · 16/07/2021 11:00

I think your friend is being unreasonable and awkward tbh

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/07/2021 11:00

@JackieBrown63

The theme is yellow/summery so we picked dresses similar to this but full length:

www.asos.com/maya/maya-bridesmaid-mesh-top-delicate-sequin-midi-dress-in-lemon/prd/11659977?clr=lemon&colourWayId=16354429&SearchQuery=maya%20bridesmaid%20dress&affid=5497&currencyid=1&channelref=affiliate&pubref=66350&publisher=MyOneWeddingTheBridalFashionGuide&awc=5678_1626428661_448842b9d50dab4c535d7a3501abafa6

I personally think they are so pretty and the girls look amazing in them. I'm happy to have slight alterations to make her comfortable I said that all along but I LOVE these dresses and don't want to go chopping them up it feels wrong LOL.

Thanks for link. Nice dress. Can’t see how she can add straps to that or what the problem is tbh
Nengineer · 16/07/2021 11:00

Misery gutting aside, I love the dress. I would wear it as a guest (if there was a gun to my head and I had to go to wedding)

MangosteenSoda · 16/07/2021 11:00

That dress looks difficult for someone with big boobs. The mesh bit going up high will make big boobs in a strapless bra look really low slung. If that’s the issue, I sympathise with your MoH. She may have thought she could buy a better strapless bra, but is having no luck.

Not sure if she is bu about the length. How does she want to change it. You have been a bit vague.

I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding feeling frumpy and uncomfortable, much less as a bridesmaid. But this is why I would only ever have little BMs if I cared that much about matching dresses.

TatianaBis · 16/07/2021 11:00

Is she trying to alter it at your expense so she can wear it again?

It makes no sense to agree to a long one to match the other bridesmaid and then attempt to change it.

I think full Bridezilla in this case is justified.

Frazzled2207 · 16/07/2021 11:01

Depends if you think your friend is being awkward or is it actually unflattering on her. if the latter then YABU.

I had two bridesmaids in the same colour but different styles of dress. They were different shapes and it would have looked odd if they were in the same dresses. they both looked lovely.

TheOrigRights · 16/07/2021 11:01

@LittleTiger007

Now that I’ve seen the dress I know that it would look awful on anyone with a full bust. This is is me and I could not wear it. Yes it’s a pretty dress but not on anyone full figured. Maybe she liked the dress until she had tried it on? Is this the reason she wants it changed? If she simply wants the dress shortened then that is not reasonable as long is the style you have chosen.

As people have said, this very much depends upon the individual. Is she usually unreasonable? Or is she a lovely person who genuinely wants to cry when she wears the dress? If it’s the latter then imagine how you’d feel in an uncomfortable or unflattering dress.
If she’s a primadonna who likes things her way and the dress actually looks lovely on her - then simply uninvite her to be a bridesmaid as you dont need the stress.

My sister has a large bust and wore a dress very similar to this to an event. She is very slim. She looked gorgous.
HappilyHadesBound · 16/07/2021 11:01

I've never been a bridesmaid... give me a shout! 😂

Seriously though, got my second wedding coming up. First wedding, I had matching dresses but had to buy a different one for the moh because she put on weight. Second wedding, my bridesmaids will be wearing the same colour and material, but completely different style! When I say completely different, I mean completely different... one is wearing a dress and one is wearing a jumpsuit!

Cocolapew · 16/07/2021 11:01

When did bridesmaid start having a say on what they wear? It used to be you got stuck in a polyester monstrosity, sometimes even a bonnet, and made fun of it to your friends but didn't upset the bride Grin
I've never been a bridesmaid or MOH so give me a shout if you sack her 👍

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/07/2021 11:01

Tho being big boobed myself that style would look awful on me

Tried one in white for wedding dress in similar style. Looked awful

Uramaki · 16/07/2021 11:03

My sister has a large bust and wore a dress very similar to this to an event. She is very slim. She looked gorgous

Not all large busts are the same. But I'd find out what her problem is with it, lack of support? Can't walk in the dress? And work with her if she is being polite about it. If she's wanting to drastically alter it then no.

ScrollingLeaves · 16/07/2021 11:03

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all for feeling as you do.

The dress was supposed to have been agreed on before and this sort of worry now is the last thing you need.

But I would, in your shoes, just say ok to the straps ( but not the length). Try not to let this worry you because that would be a shame at this special time.