My bridesmaid hates her dress?

[JackieBrown63]

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

The way I left it with her is I sent her a drawing of how we could compromise on the dress alterations so that, from a distance, the dress would more or less look the same without the mesh. I asked her to keep the length long as it may ruin the overall style of the dress to simply "chop the bottom off". I haven't heard from her since and I know her appointment with the seamstress is tomorrow so will have to see what she does. The hen do was great because of the amazing company and we had such a laugh playing games etc. I am not super controlling I am just one of those people that enjoys the little traditions of a wedding and why bother having bridesmaids at all if they are wearing their normal clothes? No hate or anything just my personal opinion - it's all supposed to just be a bit of fun!

I hope you copied the seamstress in too @JackieBrown63. Glad your hen went well. Do keep us updated on dressgate!

I was in the same boat! I only had two bridesmaids and their different figures meant that they did not feel comfortable in the same dress, even though I really wanted them to wear the same.

In the end, I let them each pick a dress style from the dress shop and had them made in the same colour. On the day, it looked fine, looked like they matched and they both looked nice, although I did not like one bridesmaid's choice of dress. What was important though is was what felt comfortable for her on the day.

Your situation sounds a little different though. If your bridesmaid just wants to make it shorter or actually cut up the dress I wouldn't really be happy. Plus, it's pretty close to your wedding to be making these changes. Whatever you decide, I think having matching dresses isn't such a big deal and on the day won't matter too much to you as there is so much going on!

Yes yes to PP about cc’ing in the seamstress OP!

@theo12

perhaps suggest your lovely friend where’s something like this

I love that you can see how much the brunette hates her dress even though we can only see a quarter of her face

so she wanted to change the wedding theme aswell

sounds like an attention seeker its not her day this time its yours-shes not a good friend

@JackieBrown63

The way I left it with her is I sent her a drawing of how we could compromise on the dress alterations so that, from a distance, the dress would more or less look the same without the mesh. I asked her to keep the length long as it may ruin the overall style of the dress to simply "chop the bottom off". I haven't heard from her since and I know her appointment with the seamstress is tomorrow so will have to see what she does. The hen do was great because of the amazing company and we had such a laugh playing games etc. I am not super controlling I am just one of those people that enjoys the little traditions of a wedding and why bother having bridesmaids at all if they are wearing their normal clothes? No hate or anything just my personal opinion - it's all supposed to just be a bit of fun!

Why are you letting her do this?

Sorry you’re really sounding like a doormat now. The dresses won’t look the same for the photos. You know she will do something other than what you’ve told her. So why go through this at all? It is your dress!

@JackieBrown63

The way I left it with her is I sent her a drawing of how we could compromise on the dress alterations so that, from a distance, the dress would more or less look the same without the mesh. I asked her to keep the length long as it may ruin the overall style of the dress to simply "chop the bottom off". I haven't heard from her since and I know her appointment with the seamstress is tomorrow so will have to see what she does. The hen do was great because of the amazing company and we had such a laugh playing games etc. I am not super controlling I am just one of those people that enjoys the little traditions of a wedding and why bother having bridesmaids at all if they are wearing their normal clothes? No hate or anything just my personal opinion - it's all supposed to just be a bit of fun!

Awww no... you caved.

What happened OP?

Sometimes I think things happen for a reason....she has had to self isolate for two weeks due to an outbreak at her school. I doubt she will have time to alter the dress before the wedding now.

Half of the responses think I am a doormat and half think I should be more laid back about it so you can tell why I may be conflicted about what I should do. I already told her if she hates the dress that much she can turn up in her normal clothes but if she wants to "look part of the proceedings" she will need to wear the dress or even take it off after the ceremony so she's dressed to match for a few photos. I am keeping my fingers crossed it doesn't get mentioned again because I have no time for this now lol.

Aahhhh it'll be interesting to see if she breaches Isolation rules to get the dress altered ..

🌸

It is 10 days isolating.

If she agreed on the dress and let you go ahead and pay then she is being unreasonable and should suck it up.

I got those multi-way dresses for mine, same
material and colour, they come in S M L and can be worn about 10 different ways.

tommmanndjjerrry - I liked those dresses too I know the ones you are talking about. She wouldn't wear something like that - her style is more OTT, pink, glitter, sequins, short and skimpy. She wouldn't be seen dead in a plain dress that's why I picked one that had a bit of sparkle to make both girlies happy.

@JackieBrown63

tommmanndjjerrry - I liked those dresses too I know the ones you are talking about. She wouldn't wear something like that - her style is more OTT, pink, glitter, sequins, short and skimpy. She wouldn't be seen dead in a plain dress that's why I picked one that had a bit of sparkle to make both girlies happy.

have you heard from her OP 🌸

I wouldn't mind if I felt like I had a choice but she's gone and booked a seamstress to change the dress without me agreeing to it.

I think that’s outrageous of her and I hope she can’t now get the alterations done. It’s YOUR wedding, she’s had hers. If she isn’t happy, sack her off, tough, she doesn’t get to decide what she wears, that’s the nightmare of being a bridesmaid!

OP what happened? Did she wear the dress??

@JackieBrown63 did the weddding go ahead without any issues from this bridesmaid?

oooh @JackieBrown63 come back and update!!!

Not read the whole thread but what I have read I’m going to go against. I think she’s being Figg and causing you unnecessary stress. Personally I’d just suck it up and wear the bloody thing especially if you have all agreed to it and had it made to suit both.

However, saying that I only had 2 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls, very different ages and styles with my bridesmaid & moh I let my moh choose her own dress and just gave her the money for it. It was a different style and colour (same overall colour just very different shade) to my other bridesmaid and flower girls but she still looked a part of the wedding party. Had I wanted her in the same dress I know she would never have made it difficult for me though.