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Original poster

My bridesmaid hates her dress?

496 replies

JackieBrown63 · 16/07/2021 09:43

Hi Mumsnetters! My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we are super excited for the big day. However, my Maid of Honor keeps pushing me to change her bridesmaid dress by cutting it up to make it short or changing the straps. I honestly did my best to work with them both and thought we came up with a dress that was a nice compromise between both their styles (I only have 2 bridesmaids). I've told my MOH that I am happy to make small alterations to make the dress more flattering if that makes her happy but don't want to change the style of the dress as I'd really like them both to match (if I have 6 bridesmaids it would be fine to have them all in a different style but think it would look odd as I only have 2). She keeps pushing the issue and I don't want to be difficult but don't see the point of them wearing "bridesmaid dresses" at all if they don't match. This is just a small issue compared to everything else but it's the day before my hen do and I just want to relax and enjoy it but right now I'm feeling teary and not much up for a laugh! Any advice would be appreciated :) x

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 18:20

@JackieBrown63

how did your Hen night go 🎉

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/07/2021 19:03

@JackieBrown63

A mix of opinions here obviously but it's not just MY wedding. My nearly-husband loves these dresses too and he feels strongly about not changing them and didn't even like the idea of me compromising. I've honestly tried to come to a middle ground and now she isn't responding to me. It isn't just this occasion she has totally changed what I wanted for the hen do to something she wants as well and is also trying to change the colour theme of the wedding because she doesn't think it's nice. I just wanted one little thing to go my way and if that makes me a bridezilla then ill wear the badge with pride! LOL
I would tell her that since MY plans for MY wedding are clearly making her uncomfortable, I think it would be best for me to stop expecting her to be my bridesmaid; that she won't have to deal with dresses and colour schemes that she clearly doesn't want to deal with. No, no, I wouldn't dream of expecting you to continue with this when it's crystal clear that you don't like the dress. It would be cruel of me to put you through that, and so it's clearly better for you not to be my bridesmaid.
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 18/07/2021 19:48

If she wants tits out and arse out, she'll just have to divorce and remarry her husband then, won't she?

Your wedding. Technically, your dress.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 18/07/2021 19:50

@LalalalalalaLand123

Remind her that it's your wedding if she doesn't want to wear the dress she previously agreed to then that's fine, she can stand down!

This. No hard feelings or drama, just stand down. She agreed to the dress, and is now wanting to change it entirely. She sounds absolutely awful OP.

This ^^

I'd also ask for the dress back now, if she doesn't want to wear it how it is and find a better friend to be a bridesmaid to wear it. I'd be so annoyed she was causing drama and stress that's all about her wants in your wedding day. It would be doffeeent if it was a modesty thing (like her boobs were too on show and she wanted to add a voile panel) but chopping a dress to make it short and completely redesigning the top isn't ok. You paid for the dress she agreed. She wears it or she returns it.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 18/07/2021 20:05

Also, we all returned our bridesmaid dresses and tiaras to the bride after wedding. Does your MOH not expect to do this? She had them cleaned and resold. She'd bought them, they were £200 each, so I thought that was fair enough although I was surprised when she asked for it back.

I didn't ask for BM dresses back after my wedding but we'd bought off the peg far less cost from John Lewis that my bridesmaids had chosen with me when we all went shopping together. They kept everything because I went with dusky blue evening dresses, that they all said they'd love to re wear. But my BMs were kind enough to say they'd wear anything I chose so it was difficult to get them to say what they preferred (!!) at first- but I needed them to choose as two had more busty figures than me- and the other one was 4 months pregnant (happy accident!) by time I married. We were prepared to go back and buy her a different or bigger dress as that would have been a most excellent reason to change BM dress! Luckily it still fitted as I didn't start to alter anything until 3 weeks before.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 18/07/2021 20:06

To be fair my friend that asked for bridesmaid dresses back after wedding did say "I hope you don't mind as we want to resell them as a wedding set"

happymonkey36 · 18/07/2021 20:28

I think she has put on weight and the dress is now too small. The reason she is saying she wants it shorter is because the seamstress will need to take material from the bottom to add a panel in the back to make it fit her properly. The mesh would have to cut up for this to happen and it would be impossible to add extra mesh at the back, hence why she says she wants to remove the mesh to change the straps.

Please be sensitive! I once had to be a bridesmaid having put on lots of weight. The dress was made to measure about 6 months before the wedding, but it was far to tight when I tried it on the day before the wedding but it was too late to alter it to fit the new, fatter me. On the morning of the wedding, it took two people to get the zip up as it was so incredibly tight on me and I bulged out over the top (strapless design). I felt so uncomfortable all day as I couldn't breathe properly and all day I was really worried the dress would split open at the back if I bent over/ ate anything. It was a really hot day and I was really sweaty too. Ugh. Please allow her to alter the dress so she doesn't have to go through the same thing.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 18/07/2021 21:04

@happymonkey36

I think she has put on weight and the dress is now too small. The reason she is saying she wants it shorter is because the seamstress will need to take material from the bottom to add a panel in the back to make it fit her properly. The mesh would have to cut up for this to happen and it would be impossible to add extra mesh at the back, hence why she says she wants to remove the mesh to change the straps.

Please be sensitive! I once had to be a bridesmaid having put on lots of weight. The dress was made to measure about 6 months before the wedding, but it was far to tight when I tried it on the day before the wedding but it was too late to alter it to fit the new, fatter me. On the morning of the wedding, it took two people to get the zip up as it was so incredibly tight on me and I bulged out over the top (strapless design). I felt so uncomfortable all day as I couldn't breathe properly and all day I was really worried the dress would split open at the back if I bent over/ ate anything. It was a really hot day and I was really sweaty too. Ugh. Please allow her to alter the dress so she doesn't have to go through the same thing.

Rather than ruining a perfectly resaleable dress then, she should say so and they can get something else?
pinkcircustop · 18/07/2021 21:05

Please allow her to alter the dress so she doesn't have to go through the same thing.

@happymonkey36 If that’s the reason—and it’s a big if being a bit of a stretch—the friend should talk to OP. Not just go ahead and book alterations on a dress OP has paid for when OP has already said no.

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/07/2021 21:13

The dress was made to measure about 6 months before the wedding, but it was far to tight when I tried it on the day before the wedding but it was too late to alter it to fit the new, fatter me.
When you were growing up a dress size and out of your clothes, did it not occur to you to flag this up before the day before the wedding? It hardly came an overnight surprise.

happymonkey36 · 18/07/2021 21:23

Perhaps she is really embarrassed about weight gain and doesn't want to admit it? Especially as some brides get very angry about bridesmaids gaining weight/ getting pregnant etc?

I was aware I'd put on a bit of weight but buried my head in the sand. I also normally wore stretchy jeans/ jersey dresses so I didn't realise quite how big I'd become, until I tried on the unstretchy bridesmaid dress the day before the wedding. It's quite easy for the weight to creep up slowly so you don't really notice.

SGBK4862 · 18/07/2021 21:24

Haven't read the whole thread but I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. The time to ask for changes is long gone. Her focus should be on supporting you to have the best day you can - it's not all about her.

When I was bridesmaid to my best friend, I didnt like the dress chosen particularly, though I suppose I looked all right in it. I was asked my opinion, but the only other bridesmaid, also adult, gushed over how wonderful it was before I could say anything. I didnt want to upset my friend by disagreeing so I kept my mouth shut. As bridesmaids, we did get a say in the colour and luckily agreed on that. My thoughts were for my friend, not myself.

pinkcircustop · 18/07/2021 22:03

Perhaps she is really embarrassed about weight gain and doesn't want to admit it? Especially as some brides get very angry about bridesmaids gaining weight/ getting pregnant etc?

@happymonkey36 That’s not OP’s problem though, and she shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of it.

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 22:10

@happymonkey36

I think she has put on weight and the dress is now too small. The reason she is saying she wants it shorter is because the seamstress will need to take material from the bottom to add a panel in the back to make it fit her properly. The mesh would have to cut up for this to happen and it would be impossible to add extra mesh at the back, hence why she says she wants to remove the mesh to change the straps.

Please be sensitive! I once had to be a bridesmaid having put on lots of weight. The dress was made to measure about 6 months before the wedding, but it was far to tight when I tried it on the day before the wedding but it was too late to alter it to fit the new, fatter me. On the morning of the wedding, it took two people to get the zip up as it was so incredibly tight on me and I bulged out over the top (strapless design). I felt so uncomfortable all day as I couldn't breathe properly and all day I was really worried the dress would split open at the back if I bent over/ ate anything. It was a really hot day and I was really sweaty too. Ugh. Please allow her to alter the dress so she doesn't have to go through the same thing.

You just made that up OMG ... hahaaaa

OP knows the lass... I'm pretty sure if the Bride was forcing her MOH into a size 8/10 dress fully aware the MOH was really a size 18/20.. she'd have accommodated this way back at the dress fitting...

good lord.. the mind boggles Hmm

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 22:11

@happymonkey36

Perhaps she is really embarrassed about weight gain and doesn't want to admit it? Especially as some brides get very angry about bridesmaids gaining weight/ getting pregnant etc?

I was aware I'd put on a bit of weight but buried my head in the sand. I also normally wore stretchy jeans/ jersey dresses so I didn't realise quite how big I'd become, until I tried on the unstretchy bridesmaid dress the day before the wedding. It's quite easy for the weight to creep up slowly so you don't really notice.

again...

making up scenarios ... WTF

Sleepdeprived42long · 18/07/2021 22:20

I’ve been a bridesmaid 5 times! I think I only really liked one of the dresses, and at least one of them didn’t suit me at all and I really didn’t like! But they were what the bride had chosen and it was more important to me that they were happy on their special day-how I looked and felt really was not the priority!

happymonkey36 · 18/07/2021 23:05

Why on earth would I make that up? It seems quite likely considering she was enthusiastic about the dress a few months ago. Maybe she's pregnant but not told people as she's not had her 12 week scan, has put on weight and needs to wear a bra with straps?

She's being quite reasonable (in my opinion) as has already arranged the seamstress and that sounds like she'll pay for the alterations herself. I don't think the OP mentioned the friend demanding that the bride pays. And why on earth would a friend, who you think highly of enough to ask to be a bridesmaid, try to make her dress sexier or make a big drama about nothing? That's not how friends behave.

In my opinion she is in an awkward situation but is trying to solve the problem herself by making all the arrangements and paying for the changes herself. All the OP needs to do is hand over the dress and trust her friend.

pinkcircustop · 18/07/2021 23:14

She's being quite reasonable (in my opinion) as has already arranged the seamstress and that sounds like she'll pay for the alterations herself. I don't think the OP mentioned the friend demanding that the bride pays.

@happymonkey36 It is NOT reasonable to arrange for a dress that doesn’t belong to you to be altered against the wishes of the person who bought the dress.

It is irrelevant that she’ll pay. It’s OP’s wedding, it’s OP’s dress, and she said no.

“Friend” is a massive cheeky fucker and would no longer be my friend never mind my bridesmaid.

wasthataburp · 18/07/2021 23:19

"They're also exactly the same as the dresses she chose for her wedding just a long version."

Is this maybe what her problem is?

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 23:53

@happymonkey36

Why on earth would I make that up? It seems quite likely considering she was enthusiastic about the dress a few months ago. Maybe she's pregnant but not told people as she's not had her 12 week scan, has put on weight and needs to wear a bra with straps?

She's being quite reasonable (in my opinion) as has already arranged the seamstress and that sounds like she'll pay for the alterations herself. I don't think the OP mentioned the friend demanding that the bride pays. And why on earth would a friend, who you think highly of enough to ask to be a bridesmaid, try to make her dress sexier or make a big drama about nothing? That's not how friends behave.

In my opinion she is in an awkward situation but is trying to solve the problem herself by making all the arrangements and paying for the changes herself. All the OP needs to do is hand over the dress and trust her friend.

OMG MOH is pregnant now !?

WTF

you're making up this narrative to suit your opinion that OP is being unreasonable ...

So weird and such effort 🤔

QueenBee52 · 18/07/2021 23:54

@wasthataburp

"They're also exactly the same as the dresses she chose for her wedding just a long version."

Is this maybe what her problem is?

I think so too ... 🌸

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/07/2021 07:05

So @JackieBrown63 what are you going to do

I still don’t think end of world I’d dress is shorter rhen others and straps diff

It’s still the same colour

Can’t imagine not actually asking my good friend aka bm what the problem is

Bluesheep8 · 19/07/2021 07:41

She agreed to the style and you've paid for it?

So she can choose another dress and pay for it herself but you have to approve it.

3Britnee · 19/07/2021 08:30

@Blondeshavemorefun

So *@JackieBrown63* what are you going to do

I still don’t think end of world I’d dress is shorter rhen others and straps diff

It’s still the same colour

Can’t imagine not actually asking my good friend aka bm what the problem is

You can't just go chopping up a dress you agreed to, that the bride paid £££ for. The bride might want them back to see if she can sell them on.
blobblob · 19/07/2021 08:59

She is not a good friend. I think we rub along with people for years - we become "friends" because of shared history, in same class/uni house/job/street/kids in same school/. It's great - we find people we like in those circumstances. It doesn't mean we have to be with them for everything.
This woman is not supporting you. She has poor manners. I doubt you'll stay friends for long as your lives will move on and their won't be enough to keep you together when you're not in the same space. (Different kids/jobs/towns/financial circs).
I'd say now that you want the dresses left as they are and if she chooses not to be a bridesmaid then fair enough. Then begin to spend time with people you feel happier with. SHE does not make you happy.

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