to expect child minder not to slam door in dp face? Please help
lilymolly · 25/11/2007 19:38
ok here goes
Usually pay cm on friday morn, but dd was excluded cos of conjuncitivitis.
CM rang on friday to ask after dd and I told her I would drop cash off over the weekend, instead of cheque cos obv could not be checked into the bank.
CM under a lot of personal pressure due to family illness, sons car payments and start of menopause, she had 1 day off last week due to stress, and I was really supportive and me and another mindee bought her some flowers and offered to go for a meal and drink to cheer her up, (this was cancelled by the other mindee and was rearranged for a few weeks time)
Anyway, I totally forgot to send money to her this weeekend, and she sent this text message at 4.30pm
"where is dd childcare fees, i take this as at best as forgetfullness at worst disrespect and insentivitness and i trust that you will not need me to look after dd any more"
I sent dp down with cash for her, he tried to apologise for delay, and told her we had had manic weekend, as dog has just had puppies and was at the vets etc... she told him not to talk about his weekend and that her mil was terminally ill, she had a car to pay for and that she would look for someone elses children to look after as we have no rexpect for her!!!!
I swear down, I have the upmost respect for her and have treated her with so much sensativity, ahe is an excellent cm, and dd is due to go to her care on Tuesday and I dont know what to do.
I have sent a message apologising and asking her to contact me directly but she has ignored me.
I am devastated, I have been in tears all night, I am CONVINCED i have done nothing and this is totally out of the blue, and if she is stressed I am willing to let this go, but need some advice as I don not want to loose her and dont want her treating us like this.
Camillathechicken · 25/11/2007 19:40
she must be under a huge amount of stress and having a horrific time.hence acting totally out of character
despite that, surely she cannot terminate the contract without notice?
either way you need to decide if you want your DD to carry on going to her, or if this has ruined things irretrievably
fuzzywuzzy · 25/11/2007 19:42
wow I've sometimes forgotten to pay the nanny bang on time due to a manic life sometimes getting in the way, and the nanny has never ever spoken to me with anything but sympathy.
If she flies off the handle so easily, is your dd OK in her charge her do you think????
lilymolly · 25/11/2007 19:43
I am totally at a loss, she is an excellent cm and also we have developed a friendship.
I really dont want to loose her, but I must admit, I wonder if she is fit to care for children at the moment, for her own sakes.
It is totally out of character completely, but that does not excuse her behaviour iyswim
LoveMyGirls · 25/11/2007 19:45
As hard as it is i wouldn't take this personally it sounds like she has a lot going on.
Hopefully she will have calmed down and contact you tomorrow in the meantime can you arrange short term cover for your dd as it sounds like she hasn't got her mind focused on her business at the moment.
Speaking as a cm myself i know it's a lot harder to find new mindees than to look after current mindees, so if she is stressed at the moment it will get worse trying to find new work on top of normal day to day stuff so I would think she will be very very apologetic very soon and if she isnt then you really are best finding someone else to care for your dd imo.
LadyOfTheFlowers · 25/11/2007 19:49
The only thing that has crossed my mind is, if she is having a terrible time, which she obviously is, I would be worried of her taking it out on the kids a bit iyswim?
No intentionally, but I know when I had a lot on my plate, I snapped at the kids a bit more often and unnecessarily?
DaisyMoo · 25/11/2007 19:53
I think I would be prepared to overlook behaviour like this from many people in this kind of situation, but not from a childminder. You need to have absolute trust and faith in the person looking after your children - if she can act in such an aggressive and unpleasant way with you, albeit out of character, are you sure she wouldn't 'snap' in a similar way with your dd?
In all honesty I would be looking for a different CM.
lilymolly · 25/11/2007 19:55
You know I think she has prob just flipped out, but why me, why do I get it in the neck.
Iam sitting here in tears wondering why I am always getting this shit.
I try to be a nice person, and i think ihave been really supportive, and yet this gets thrown back in my face
Carmenere · 25/11/2007 19:56
Sorry but I agree with Daisymoo. She may be having a rough time but she is behaving in an unreasonable and unstable fashion and you can't have someone looking after your child who can fly off the handle like that.
And certainly don't feel bad, she was excessively rude.
SantasLittleToiletFlusher · 25/11/2007 19:59
YANBU - Sounds like the stress has made her crack. I'd be worried about my dc being looked after someone who has reacted like this, to be honest.
I would take some time off if you can, like you say, in order for her to sort herself out. What you do after that depends on how things span out I imagine.
Misdee · 25/11/2007 20:00
straw that broket the camels back maybe?
i am not CM, but at time sopf great stress (dh had a heart transplant over the summer) soemthing like a late payment would make everything seem so much worse. becuase i had a heavy schedule at weekends with hospita visits etc, if i didnt have cash as hadnt been paid then i couldnt get shopping, get petrol, get to the hospital etc etc.
money is what makes the world go round. at the end of the day, would you be happy getting your money late from your place of employment?
i would give her time to calm down ,she sounds like she has a lot on atm, and is very stressed.
lilymolly · 25/11/2007 20:14
hey misdee, totally understand your opinion, but a husbands organ transplant is a totally different thing, to family stress.
(Hope your husband is ok btw)
I am so upset about this.
my mil, thinks I should go around tomorrow and talk to her, what does everyone think?
Elizabetth · 25/11/2007 20:15
You're saying you're being supportive but then you forgot to pay her.
I think she's got a right to be annoyed that you didn't pay her. People rely on their wages, so not being paid is an extremely big deal, particularly when you know she's got a lot of other things on her plate.
I'd guess you won't be able to sort things out with her until you realise you're the one who is out of order here.
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