to expect child minder not to slam door in dp face? Please help

[lilymolly]

ok here goes

Usually pay cm on friday morn, but dd was excluded cos of conjuncitivitis.
CM rang on friday to ask after dd and I told her I would drop cash off over the weekend, instead of cheque cos obv could not be checked into the bank.

CM under a lot of personal pressure due to family illness, sons car payments and start of menopause, she had 1 day off last week due to stress, and I was really supportive and me and another mindee bought her some flowers and offered to go for a meal and drink to cheer her up, (this was cancelled by the other mindee and was rearranged for a few weeks time)

Anyway, I totally forgot to send money to her this weeekend, and she sent this text message at 4.30pm

"where is dd childcare fees, i take this as at best as forgetfullness at worst disrespect and insentivitness and i trust that you will not need me to look after dd any more"

I sent dp down with cash for her, he tried to apologise for delay, and told her we had had manic weekend, as dog has just had puppies and was at the vets etc... she told him not to talk about his weekend and that her mil was terminally ill, she had a car to pay for and that she would look for someone elses children to look after as we have no rexpect for her!!!!

I swear down, I have the upmost respect for her and have treated her with so much sensativity, ahe is an excellent cm, and dd is due to go to her care on Tuesday and I dont know what to do.

I have sent a message apologising and asking her to contact me directly but she has ignored me.

I am devastated, I have been in tears all night, I am CONVINCED i have done nothing and this is totally out of the blue, and if she is stressed I am willing to let this go, but need some advice as I don not want to loose her and dont want her treating us like this.

Please Help

Thanks

I agree with Misdee, no money on Friday then none in the mail on Saturday, although flowers and meals out are nice you are not obligated to provide them however paying on time is. Unfortunately, I would look for a new childcare provider and put this one down to experience.

I'm glad you said that Misdee! As a cm myself, I didn't want to mention that at the end of the day, payment was late. I know its probably a whole other subject about why people feel its OK to pay the cm late, afterall a deals a deal right? You're all right, she can't just terminate a contract, but at the same time, the contract states when payment is due doesn't it? You shouldn't have to 'chase' payment. Anyway, I'll get off my high horse about cm's being hired help!

I do think maybe she has just had a gut full of everything atm, and probably didn't intend to get quite to cross with you. Can you go and have a chat with her? She sounds like she could do with it. If she's as good as you says she is, she might just need a shoulder to cry on.

Really even if i was out of order, would a reminder text message, even a stroppy one, not be sufficient?
and when dp 10 mins after the arsey message gave her cash at her home, was that warranting her slamming the door on him?

and being paid cash on a sunday when she gets a cheque on a friday really be any different.

be honest. I am looking for everyones opinion

FGS - yes she has a right to be annoyed, but her reaction was OTT I think. There were better and more business like ways that she could have expressed herself rather than telling the OP she would find someones elses kids to look after etc!

Not very professional of her in my opinion.

Really even if i was out of order, would a reminder text message, even a stroppy one, not be sufficient?
and when dp 10 mins after the arsey message gave her cash at her home, was that warranting her slamming the door on him?

and being paid cash on a sunday when she gets a cheque on a friday really be any different.

be honest. I am looking for everyones opinion

I think it's completely reasonable of the CM to be angry at not getting paid on time.

Unreasonable to explode in that way - all she had to do was text "don't forget the money" - but, fair enough she's under a lot of stress.

The thing is, when you look after little children, they'll do all sorts of infuriating and totally unfair things and you just have to be able to deal with it calmly.

I would be really unhappy with this level of "losing it" in a childminder.

ok. so am i in the wrong?

my dp has his own business and is currently waiting for about £5k to be paid. would it be acceptable to call all his clients and demend the payments as we have an overdraft and terrible family problemns to sort out, or do we send a reminder or just wait for payment?

ok. so am i in the wrong?

my dp has his own business and is currently waiting for about £5k to be paid. would it be acceptable to call all his clients and demend the payments as we have an overdraft and terrible family problemns to sort out, or do we send a reminder or just wait for payment?

Thats what I was trying to say Welliemum

thats what was confusing me lillymolly - if she usually gets a cheque on a Friday, presumably by getting cash on a Sunday she is actually getting the money earlier than if your child hadn't been excluded and you had stuck to the normal routine?

No sorry she is completely out of order.

Of course she should have been paid when she was supposed to be. But people make mistakes. To err is human. And the mistake was rectified immediately. It is simply out of order to make such a song and dance about it. It would be unprofessional from anyone, but to b e so nasty to someone who has become a semi-friend, is just horrible behaviour as well as unprofessional.

I would be looking for another cm tbh because although she may be marvellous normally, if she responds to stress like this, it's not the right environment for your child. She may not hurt the children, but if she's uptight and on edge all the time, it's not good for them, is it?

It's not the same lily. Business have cashflows and overdrafts from the bank. I'm guessing your childminder has neither.

She earns the money, she obviously needs it. It's your responsibility as an employer to pay her what you owe her when its due. I'd guess that part of her arsiness is that she's picking up you think you've done nothing wrong.

lilymolly- I think you know the answer to that, which has probably answered your own AIBU question.

The thing is, you need to decide what you're going to do?

No, its not on. She was being very unprofessional, but from what you've said, it goes much, much deeper than just not being paid on time. I've been quite rude on a text message, but would never, ever slam the door in someones face or threaten them with immediate termination. She has every right to be hacked off, but she sounds like she could really do with a shoulder. Her behaviour is really not acceptable. I think you should go and see her tomorrow. Ifnothing else, you need to know if you've got childcare for Tuesday!

precisly madame, thats whats confusing me...

I will pay her cash any day any time and am in the process of paying her direct to her bankc via a work process.

This makes me feel like there is more too this than meets the eye, but i am still at a loss as to what I have done, or could have done?

I don't know muh about CM but I think she is being very unreasonable

Regarding payment, if you had paid her a cheque on friday and she paid it into bank on friday, I doubt it would have cleared before tues, you could have given her cash on tues and she wouldn't have been any worse off

Yuo couldn't have done anymore, you made a mistake and the recified it in the best possible way. Unless there's something you're not telling us then her reaction is out of proportion.

Do you still want her to look after your child?

so elizabeth, judging by your response, you think I was in the wrong., Fair enough, but could you give me some advice as to rectify the relationship?

I think she has cut her own nose off to spite her face lilymolly. And I also wonder if it's because you have been so nice to her that she has chosen to "snap" at you/your dp.

I would try and talk to her as your mil suggests. However if she won't have a conversation about it, then don't push it. Chalk it up to experience, take the unpaid leave, and look for someone else. I'm sorry you have been put in this situation - it's a rum way to treat someone who made an error then rectified it within 10 minutes of it being pointed out

My honest opinion?

If this had happened to me?

OK.

I wouldn't give a flying fuck about her situation. We've all got our situations, god knows I have and I don't see anyone giving a crap about that. I would be livid to be texted like that. I forgot, I was sorry, I apologised. I would have been happy to give grovelling apols and a few extra quid had she not flipped at me. Any guilt I felt would have gone poooof at that point.

I would take her at her word and accept her terminating the contract with no notice and no further obligation from me to her.

If she attempted to contact me, I would put the phone down. If she pressed me I would say she has ended the contract, I have no obligation to her and I do not want further contact with her.

People don't normally get second chances with me. you fuck with me, you're out of my life.

I have done this with blood relatives, friends, jobs...The only person that EVER has had a second chance from me, is dh.

So that's my opinion. That's how I'd handle it.

I await your disgust.....

P.S our business has neither cash flows nor overdrafts i wish

i really think she shouldnt have behaved like that toward your dh and i think the text she sent could have been politer,i would question weather you can still have a good working relatioship.

i also think that she should have been paid on time on the agreed day,would you go and have your eyebrows waxed or a massage (just examples) and tell them you will pay them in a couple of days after they had done the job?

would you be slighlt pissed off if you were paid late?

I thought childminders were self employed rather than employees?

Hekate, I wish I had your balls! honestly thats how I feel, but I am an old softee, and really would like to help her rather than get nasty iyswim?

I think she is in need of help

Message withdrawn