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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH says I was unreasonable to let him in

241 replies

PonyPals · 14/07/2021 10:43

I am working from home at the moment and have been receiving deliveries. The delivery guy (have seen him 3 times before) asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package last week. I let him... DH said I should not have done that but how could I say no.
Well today, the same delivery driver asked if I could give him some biscuits. I was taken aback but ended up giving him a packet. DH thinks I'm a sucker and the delivery driver will become a CF.
But I don't know... AIBU?
I do admit, it was a weird request but then I thought what if he is diabetic and needed to eat but at the same time if you were diabetic surely you would be prepared???

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2021 10:46

The loo thing I'd do. The biscuits thing is weird. The guy could now see you as a soft touch.

LuxOlente · 14/07/2021 10:47

Toilets are fine but food is CF territory.

spotcheck · 14/07/2021 10:48

I don't think I'd let him in my house. Not even for a wee.

shouldistop · 14/07/2021 10:49

Toilet is fine if you felt safe to do so. Personally I wouldn't let a strange man in the house.
Him asking for biscuits is really weird.

RogersVideo · 14/07/2021 10:49

I probably would have said yes to the loo, because I sympathise with perhaps suddenly needing to go.

However the biscuits are unnecessary and pure cheeky fuckery.

I wouldn't say yes to him again for anything now that you know.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2021 10:49

I agree with your husband. The delivery driver is being completely inappropriate and I would be very suspicious of him. Do not allow him into your home again.

AdoraBell · 14/07/2021 10:50

He asked for biscuits that’s taking the piss. Using the loo is okay, imo, but not asking for food/snacks/drinks.

wedswench · 14/07/2021 10:50

I can't think of many reasons to deny someone a toilet when needed. The biscuits is very weird though!

There's a great Ken loach film on Netflix st the moment about a delivery driver. Suggest you watch it with your DH and see if he's still feeling so uncharitable

dudsville · 14/07/2021 10:51

I wouldn't let a delivery driver into my home. If someone asked for food I would probably give it though.

UrAWizHarry · 14/07/2021 10:52

I've no problem letting a delivery person into the house to use the loo as long as it's obvious they are a delivery person or other accredited individual.

Asking for biscuits though? WTF?

Ponoka7 · 14/07/2021 10:59

Biscuits are easy to eat when driving. He might be in food poverty. I know a woman who used to help out in a food bank. She lived off biscuits, on some days. She couldn't afford food everyday, so helped out in places were biscuits were offered. They can stay wrapped and fresh but provide decent calories/sugar. You don't need anything to go with them, unlike bread.

I doubt posters on MN would get it, though. There's working poor childless people who don't come under any services.

shouldistop · 14/07/2021 11:03

when I lived in my first flat as a teenager (17/18) another teenager who lived near by asked if he could use my toilet one day so I let him.
For weeks afterwards he followed me around and started looking through my windows (ground floor).
My older brother ended up having to threaten him to get him to leave me alone.
Been a bit wary ever since although I can sympathise with someone being desperate for the loo. I'd let our postie in as he's been delivering our mail for years and I feel like I know him now. Also it's clear he works for the Royal Mail so is identifiable.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 14/07/2021 11:08

He might be in food poverty.

Then again, he might not. But that is a sideways issue here. The real point is that men pose a risk to women as a sex class. If a woman invites a man into her home when she is alone there, then she is exacerbating that risk. Of course, he could be entirely harmless but unfortunately we can't tell the harmless ones by looking.

He'd already crossed one boundary by asking to use the loo. Now he's crossed another with the biscuits. Which line will he push at next?

I think DP's partner is right. I would in no way allow this man into my home, or across any channels of communication other than basic professional pleasantries, again. And if he persists in trying to override appropriate boundaries I'd be reporting him to his employer.

Women can't be too careful. That, unfortunately, is the world we live in.

Maskedrevenger · 14/07/2021 11:14

A family member does deliveries for Amazon so I know that toilet access for delivery drivers is a nightmare, with constant time monitoring they can’t take time to find a loo. Men usually find it easier, I’m sure I don’t need to go into details, god only knows what the women do. I always offer our work toilet to any delivery people or posties cause I’m out at work I don’t usually get asked at home. I did offer the men who delivered a bed to us the use of our toilet. The biscuit thing is weird though, I might say yes the first time out of surprise but it would be a No if the same person asked again. By the way my family member has been offered cold drinks and biscuits by kind people ( totally unasked for).

RitaFires · 14/07/2021 11:17

I wouldn't be comfortable letting a delivery man into my house to use the loo, I would worry he was casing the place. But then there a few public loos a few minutes away from where I live that I could direct him to.

The biscuits mark an escalation in cheeky fuckery, I can't believe you handed some over. What's next is he going to ask for ice cream on a hot day? I'd not be engaging with him anymore beyond a thank you once he's delivered something.

MurielSpriggs · 14/07/2021 11:20

What? The working classes using your toilet, errrr lavatory?? You do realise that he will have been in their doing filthy toilet things? His thingie will have been out. You deserve to be expelled from Mumsnet!

Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 11:22

I'd have said yes to the loo but I'd have been all out of biscuits.

If he'd followed it up with a sensible reason on why he was in desperate need of a biscuit, I'd have found "something".

wedswench · 14/07/2021 11:24

If you're worried about dangers of a man being in the house (minimal I'd say given that they're tracked to within an inch of their lives and would be identifiable if anything happened) you could always step outside while they used the loo

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 14/07/2021 11:25

He’s pushing the boundaries. Be interesting to see what he asks for next. I would let him use the loo but would wait outside the house until he came out. I wouldn’t be alone in the house with him.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/07/2021 11:26

He asked you for some biscuits? And you gave him a packet?

You're both odd!

emilylily · 14/07/2021 11:26

I'd be fine about giving him a sealed packet of biscuits if he might be diabetic.

I wouldn't let him use the loo but I don't like stranger's germs in my loo.

Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 11:28

I don't recognise a world where every man is a threat. I've obviously been very lucky in life.

I always offer delivery drivers water in hot weather, but I do think it's odd to ask for biscuits. Now I really want to know why he needed them, but I doubt I'd have asked at the time either.

Cooldryplace · 14/07/2021 11:29

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I'd be the exact opposite and be lurking outside the door

OhEff · 14/07/2021 11:34

I'd let him use the loo. I couldn't do the long days the delivery drivers do without going to the toilet and they don't get paid enough to search out public loos in places they don't know well.

The biscuits, I'd have said no unless it was prefaced with ' I am a diabetic...' or similar. As op said.

I would worry if next he's asking to watch your sports channels or have a nap in your bed. 😂

Papillon33 · 14/07/2021 11:35

I don't think I could say no to someone asking to use the loo, especially if it's a delivery driver I'd seen before. I'm probably being naive. And maybe it's different now that my partner is working upstairs. If he wasn't here I might be a bit more cautious

And I'd think exactly the same as you about asking for a biscuit. It's a bit cheeky, but there must surely be a reason?? My BIL has diabetes and he sometimes gets caught out, but he would always tell someone that's why he's asking

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