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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I was unreasonable to let him in

241 replies

PonyPals · 14/07/2021 10:43

I am working from home at the moment and have been receiving deliveries. The delivery guy (have seen him 3 times before) asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package last week. I let him... DH said I should not have done that but how could I say no.
Well today, the same delivery driver asked if I could give him some biscuits. I was taken aback but ended up giving him a packet. DH thinks I'm a sucker and the delivery driver will become a CF.
But I don't know... AIBU?
I do admit, it was a weird request but then I thought what if he is diabetic and needed to eat but at the same time if you were diabetic surely you would be prepared???

OP posts:
sloanerangerpandora · 14/07/2021 13:31

He will be asking to use your netflix account next.I would report him.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 13:32

Biscuits are not going to immediately help a diabetic having a hypo, they need fast acting sugar which a biscuit isn't.

They're not the perfect instant solution, but slightly more likely that a householder will have some in - and know what they actually are - than a tube of glucose tablets.

NautaOcts · 14/07/2021 13:34

I would’ve felt in a difficult position with the loo, but actually don’t think he should be asking that. As hard as it must be for them to find places for them to relieve themselves.
The biscuit thing - no.
I would have just said no sorry don’t have any.

Beendownthisroadmorethantwice · 14/07/2021 13:35

The loo I’d be fine. That said I have a loo downstairs by the front door - not sure I’d be so fine with the upstairs bathroom.

The biscuits is bloody weird.

Beendownthisroadmorethantwice · 14/07/2021 13:36

And if he was diabetic he would have told you, not just said “can I have some biscuits”. Who would do that?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 13:38

Usually delivery drivers do their business in the back of their van if they can't find a public toilet or secluded alleyway.

Are you saying that this an acceptable state of affairs, then? Delivery men (pretty much excludes all the women wanting to do the job, so they can get stuffed) are expected to just use a bottle in the back of their van and then handle multiple parcels without ever being able to wash their hands?

Do you think people who work in offices, shops, schools, hospitals and hundreds of other workplaces wouldn't be a little bit upset if, instead of being provided with standard toilets, they were told to go and use a shed in the car park and take their own bucket with them?

CallMeNutribullet · 14/07/2021 13:38

My first thought would be diabetic. I have knocked a strangers door and asked for chocolate or a fizzy drink when my uncle was having a Hypo

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 14/07/2021 13:40

Toilets - they get directed to the Tesco less than a minute away.

I offer chilled bottles of water in hot weather if I see them coming and have time to grab one before the bell rings. But I wouldn’t give biscuits, especially if requested!

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 14/07/2021 13:43

@CallMeNutribullet

My first thought would be diabetic. I have knocked a strangers door and asked for chocolate or a fizzy drink when my uncle was having a Hypo
I'm assuming you explained the reason to them though?

I think he is testing boundaries, and people don't do that with good intent.

Beendownthisroadmorethantwice · 14/07/2021 13:43

@CallMeNutribullet

My first thought would be diabetic. I have knocked a strangers door and asked for chocolate or a fizzy drink when my uncle was having a Hypo
But I bet you explained - didn’t just say “can I have biscuits please”? That’s what makes it odd,
Londongent · 14/07/2021 13:48

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Biscuits are not going to immediately help a diabetic having a hypo, they need fast acting sugar which a biscuit isn't.

They're not the perfect instant solution, but slightly more likely that a householder will have some in - and know what they actually are - than a tube of glucose tablets.

I wouldn't have suggested a tube of glucose tablets....not sure why you would jump to that conclusion. I highly doubt that the delivery driver was diabetic and had nothing to treat a hypo...much more likely they were being a CF
Jerima · 14/07/2021 13:48

He's going to ask you for £10 next

lurker69 · 14/07/2021 13:49

who actually just randomly asks a stranger for biscuits? not normal! i would either lay off deliveries or set up a safe space for them to be left so there is no need for them to knock. I would feel very uncomfortable with this situation!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 13:50

And if he was diabetic he would have told you, not just said “can I have some biscuits”. Who would do that?

Plenty of disabled people prefer not to have to tell strangers their personal medical history when justifying their particular needs. We've read all the threads about blue badge holders whose disabilities aren't instantly obvious (or who are just young) who are challenged/harassed/threatened/abused by the aggressive, hard-of-thinking kind of person.

When masks became compulsory unless exempt, I remember reading on here, horrified, of a poor woman who was sexually abused as a child, with abuse involving her being gagged, and thus having to wear a mask was hugely triggering of severe anxiety. She was ordered to wear a mask at a hospital appointment and, when she said she was exempt, they forced her to explain why (and thus triggered her again) in a busy waiting area.

Back to diabetes, the tabloids have had a hate campaign for years now, stoking up animosity and resentment against these 'lazy fat people bleeding the NHS dry and sending our tax bills soaring'. It's not going to put people in the best frame of mind for publicly announcing it, is it?

JemimaPyjamas · 14/07/2021 13:50

Type 1 diabetic here; I'd have never just asked for biscuits without explaining why, while probably apologising, first! And yes, a biscuit isn't fast acting enough if he was having a hypo (he'd have been better asking for a coffee with a large sugar and lots of milk so he could drink it quickly!)

goldwig · 14/07/2021 13:51

I agree with your other half.
You don't know this person and he is too familiar.
Maybe nothing in it and he was desperate for toilet but then asking for biscuits seems strange.
I don't get a good vibe and think it's weird these two things were asked at your door.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 14/07/2021 13:51

A diabetic would explain the reason for the request. You'd say "I'm sorry, but I'm diabetic and feel unwell, and I don't have any food with me - do you have anything sweet I could eat/drink"? Not "Can I have some biscuits please?".

It's obvious that treating a hypo is not what this man was doing.

The request to use the loo may have been genuine, but with the biscuits request he was definitely pushing boundaries for some reason. Men who push at boundaries are bad news, there's no two ways about it.

Bumpsadaisie · 14/07/2021 13:52

I think a one off emergency loo visit fine.

However the way he has followed that up with a weirder and more cheeky request is concerning, there is something odd going on, he has taken your kindness and pushed it ....

Treat with caution going forward. I am not saying he is dangerous or anything but he is clearly one of those people who have to push their way into things ....

5475878237NC · 14/07/2021 13:52

It's Covid here so I wouldn't let him in at all.

JemimaPyjamas · 14/07/2021 13:52

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll I agree with what you said about 'diabetes' but this is probably why I am get to meet someone with Type 1 diabetes (ie the more-likely-to-hypo type) who doesn't say they are a 'type 1' (and then possibly go into a long tedious explanation between the two, or maybe that's just me...)

JemimaPyjamas · 14/07/2021 13:53
  • yet to meet someone
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 14/07/2021 13:53

Back to diabetes, the tabloids have had a hate campaign for years now, stoking up animosity and resentment against these 'lazy fat people bleeding the NHS dry and sending our tax bills soaring'. It's not going to put people in the best frame of mind for publicly announcing it, is it?

You think he was scared of being abused by the OP for being diabetic? But not at all nervous of randomly asking her for some biscuits without any reason?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 13:55

I wouldn't have suggested a tube of glucose tablets....not sure why you would jump to that conclusion.

That's what HCPs recommend as an ideal solution. That or Lucozade, until they destroyed the very essence of their product to avoid the sugar tax.

I highly doubt that the delivery driver was diabetic and had nothing to treat a hypo...much more likely they were being a CF

He quite probably wasn't - although still very possible. You may consider it CF for a busy working person with no time to stop at a shop to ask if somebody has a couple of biscuits worth about 3p, but I disagree. If they asked politely and with a smile, I'd respond in kind and fetch them a few if I had some. Yes, it's slightly unusual, but it's hardly Mexican House Thief territory.

Bumpsadaisie · 14/07/2021 13:55

I think he is also being very unprofessional with the biscuits request, absent some kind of medical emergency. Taking that together with the loo thing you would be within your rights to make a complaint/request not to have your shopping delivered by him - dodgy behaviour making a [female] customer feel uncomfortable in their own home.

Not necessarily saying you should complain but I do think he is bad news and definitely don't let him in your house!

Mixmeup · 14/07/2021 13:55

No because of this:

www.google.com/amp/s/www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/hermes-driver-jailed-sex-attack-12213299.amp

Women, stop being NICE to strange men. Seriously.