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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I was unreasonable to let him in

241 replies

PonyPals · 14/07/2021 10:43

I am working from home at the moment and have been receiving deliveries. The delivery guy (have seen him 3 times before) asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package last week. I let him... DH said I should not have done that but how could I say no.
Well today, the same delivery driver asked if I could give him some biscuits. I was taken aback but ended up giving him a packet. DH thinks I'm a sucker and the delivery driver will become a CF.
But I don't know... AIBU?
I do admit, it was a weird request but then I thought what if he is diabetic and needed to eat but at the same time if you were diabetic surely you would be prepared???

OP posts:
Clarice99 · 14/07/2021 12:50

It'd be a no from me for the toilet and the biscuits.

The latter because there are no biscuits in the house and the toilet, just no.

Moonwhite · 14/07/2021 12:53

Maybe lay off online deliveries for a few weeks if you're uncomfortable.

mindutopia · 14/07/2021 12:53

I wouldn't let anyone in my house. I think that's odd. Surely, they all just wee in a layby or stop at a Tesco, just like any of us do when we are out driving all day.

JudgeRindersMinder · 14/07/2021 12:54

@Ponoka7

Biscuits are easy to eat when driving. He might be in food poverty. I know a woman who used to help out in a food bank. She lived off biscuits, on some days. She couldn't afford food everyday, so helped out in places were biscuits were offered. They can stay wrapped and fresh but provide decent calories/sugar. You don't need anything to go with them, unlike bread.

I doubt posters on MN would get it, though. There's working poor childless people who don't come under any services.

I hadn’t thought of his till I read your post, but it’s definitely worth bearing in mind. Delivery drivers are paid a pittance
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 12:56

asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package

Best place for that, I suppose Grin Grin

Two threads about letting non-friend visitors use your toilet in one day?!

As PP have said, delivery drivers are under such tight time pressures, they frequently don't have chance to find a toilet when they need to. The men probably keep a bottle in the van or just use a bush, but I suppose a widespread culture of everybody having a blanket policy of refusing them means that more of those pesky women will be deterred from being able to do the job and leave more vacancies free for the men....

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/07/2021 12:57

The loo maybe - biscuits!!!! No.

DeeCeeCherry · 14/07/2021 12:59

Your Husband is right. You should know not to let a strange man into your house. I'm glad nothing happened but you just never know, do you? & Sadly if anything had happened - you let him in it would be your word against his and we know unfortunately how that goes for women at times, our words & rights aren't always heeded.

He could easily stop off at a public building to use the loo, he drives fgs. Don't let him in again. & no biscuits..!

Teaandjam · 14/07/2021 13:01

What did he say when you asked why he wanted you to give him a biscuit?

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 14/07/2021 13:01

That’s so so odd

pasturesgreen · 14/07/2021 13:04

I live alone in an area with decent public toilet provisions. No way I'd let a strange man into the house, delivery driver or not.
And he was trying it on when he asked for biscuits, put a stop to it!

Crowsaregreat · 14/07/2021 13:04

@viques

What sort of biscuits were they? If you start handing out chocolate digestives or hob nobs the delivery drivers will start leaving chalk marks outside your gate as a sign to other delivery drivers. If you only offer them value pound shop biscuits word will get around........
Grin
20viona · 14/07/2021 13:06

No no no to all.

grapewine · 14/07/2021 13:06

@Ponoka7

Biscuits are easy to eat when driving. He might be in food poverty. I know a woman who used to help out in a food bank. She lived off biscuits, on some days. She couldn't afford food everyday, so helped out in places were biscuits were offered. They can stay wrapped and fresh but provide decent calories/sugar. You don't need anything to go with them, unlike bread.

I doubt posters on MN would get it, though. There's working poor childless people who don't come under any services.

This is a fair point. I do get food poverty, and so it's even worse that I didn't consider it.
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/07/2021 13:07

As for the biscuits, he may have been desperately hungry and in food poverty, he might have been diabetic (and those saying 'well, surely people with diabetes are always prepared for this' obviously have no experience of hypos that suddenly come on and needing sugar NOW); he may just have fancied a couple of biscuits - people without diabetes also frequently feel their blood sugar and energy levels dipping a bit. He asked and OP could have just said No. Even a whole packet of cheap biscuits is often only 30 or 40p, so hardly likely to break the bank.

diddl · 14/07/2021 13:15

I think it might depend on the layout of the house.

If the guest toilet is just off the hall & they don't need to go into the house then maybe.

He does seem to be testing boundaries-wonder why?

Kokosrieksts · 14/07/2021 13:16

Next time he’ll ask for a Sunday roast with extra gravy. Better get your shopping in.

PropertyFlipper · 14/07/2021 13:18

I certainly wouldn't let him use the loo.

The biscuits...well I think it would depend on his demeanour. If I thought he was starving and needed a snack then yes...but otherwise I'd be Hmm

Urghhhhh · 14/07/2021 13:19

As much as I sympathise with the pain of finding a toilet when you need it, I've watched waaay too many murder documentaries to allow a random man to come into my apartment. Might feel differently if I didn't live alone.

Anyway, this gives me creepy vibes.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 14/07/2021 13:21

Toilets - fine
Biscuits - no

What was his justification for wanting biscuits from you?

Moonwhite · 14/07/2021 13:21

If he's suffering food poverty he needs to turn to the appropriate resources, not his customers. I know someone will say "But if he's out on the roads 6 or 7 days a week when could he do that?" Well if he works that much and can't afford a 50p packet of biscuits something is very fucked up, whether personally or systemically.

But still, it's not down to women alone in their houses to try to deal with these issues, if that's even what it is. Take care of your personal safety and deal with your personal guilt by donating to a food bank.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 14/07/2021 13:21

@PropertyFlipper

I certainly wouldn't let him use the loo.

The biscuits...well I think it would depend on his demeanour. If I thought he was starving and needed a snack then yes...but otherwise I'd be Hmm

Starving people aren't generally that specific about the snack they need. If someone is diabetic and genuinely needs it for medical reasons, they'd usually say so.
Londongent · 14/07/2021 13:25

Biscuits are not going to immediately help a diabetic having a hypo, they need fast acting sugar which a biscuit isn't. That is CF territory and I would have said no.
A one off toilet request for a driver who appears desperate seems fine, but it would be one off.
Please keep us informed if he asks for anything else when he next delivers. It sounds a bit dodgy

ChainJane · 14/07/2021 13:29

No way would I have let him in the house to use the toilets. Usually delivery drivers do their business in the back of their van if they can't find a public toilet or secluded alleyway. I'd be fine with the biscuits though.

catfunk · 14/07/2021 13:30

Toilet - I wouldn't mind
Biscuits - fucking weird and I'd tell him to get lost

tallduckandhandsome · 14/07/2021 13:31

I would have given him 2 biscuits, not the whole pack!