DH says I was unreasonable to let him in

[PonyPals]

I am working from home at the moment and have been receiving deliveries. The delivery guy (have seen him 3 times before) asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package last week. I let him... DH said I should not have done that but how could I say no.
Well today, the same delivery driver asked if I could give him some biscuits. I was taken aback but ended up giving him a packet. DH thinks I'm a sucker and the delivery driver will become a CF.
But I don't know... AIBU?
I do admit, it was a weird request but then I thought what if he is diabetic and needed to eat but at the same time if you were diabetic surely you would be prepared???

@Cooldryplace

I don't recognise a world where every man is a threat. I've obviously been very lucky in life.

I always offer delivery drivers water in hot weather, but I do think it's odd to ask for biscuits. Now I really want to know why he needed them, but I doubt I'd have asked at the time either.

No-one thinks every man is a threat. The problem is we can't tell which ones are.

What sort of biscuits were they? If you start handing out chocolate digestives or hob nobs the delivery drivers will start leaving chalk marks outside your gate as a sign to other delivery drivers. If you only offer them value pound shop biscuits word will get around........

I wouldn't be letting a stranger use my toilet nor giving him biscuit and would be telling how inappropriate it is.

I agree with a PP that 'Sorry We Missed You' is a sobering watch.

I'd definitely let him in to use the loo.

Biscuits is tricky. I'd do it but I wouldn't activate anyone who didn't. Could well be just a mickey-take. Most people I've encountered in food poverty would eat their right arm before asking a customer for food, mostly out of pride but also out of fear that they'd complain and they'd lose their job.

Ive made coffee for a delivery man for his travel mug and I gave him biscuits. The difference being I offered, he didn't ask. I'd think it strange if he asked but he may have had a drink in his van and just fancied a biscuit to go with it.

I understand where your Dh is coming from with the delivery man asking to use the loo. It's not very safe to allow a stranger into your home and in fairness men can easily pull over on the road and pee behind a tree or a bush. I wouldn't fancy a stranger coming in to use the loo for a crap

castigate, ffs! Not 'activate' 🙄

I wouldn't have let him in my house but would have directed him to a nearby public toilet. I would have given him food if I had anything in that didn't require preparation.

Toilet is ok, asking for biscuits it's weird.
If he asks for something again I'd then be thinking he's just a chancer and just prepare yourself that he will ask for something so have an answer ready for him.

I don't recognise a world where every man is a threat. I've obviously been very lucky in life

I don't like this comment. It smacks of being reductive to women's fears and the 'I've obviously been very lucky...' sounds passively derogatory.

You DO live in a world where every man is a potential threat, because the ones who ARE a threat, the ones who mean women harm, don't carry a huge, neon-lit sign advertising the fact.

The fact that you're so sneery about how women have to make all of these small, unwelcome decisions to make themselves feel safer in the face of horrendous levels of male violence directed towards women is baffling, and unpleasant to read tbh.

If that's how you want to take it. I'm not prepared to live in fear and I choose to think well of everyone until they show me otherwise. Iife is good mainly because of our positive interactions with other people and I'm not going to deny myself that because of what might happen.

Others will choose differently and that's up to them.

Mybe although a pp saying an accredited delivery driver-how are they accredited-hermes just use whoever applies and most of the time so do amazon no checks done

He sounds like a total creep tbh, I wouldn’t let a delivery guy in to use my loo and definitely wouldn’t give him biscuits. I’d be inclined to complain to the delivery company.

Even if you were holding an open packet that was a weird request.

Whatever he asks next, you can say no.

wonders if he's casing your house

I completely agree with @MarieIVanArkleStinks.

I would be very wary of letting a man into my house like that, in fact as a woman living alone I'd probably say no and that there's a supermarket over the road that has loos.

Asking for food is another step over the boundary entirely and would make me concerned as to what he's going to think it's OK to ask for next, so I'd absolutely be putting a stop to any further requests.

Maybe his requests were genuine and borne out of real need, but past experience has taught me that there are men - and yes, it is usually men - who get their rocks off on making women feel obliged and at their control.

On reflection, and having read a few more responses, I suppose it may be some sort of 'death by a thousand cuts'. Encroaching like this in increments does perhaps suggest sinister intent.

I let the Tesco delivery drivers use my toilet if they ask. It’s rare that they do though. I’ve given them a drink on a hot day but I’d not feed them.

I’m not sure if I’d do the same for a random delivery driver with no markings on their van etc.

I agree with your husband.

Wouldn’t let a male stranger into the house to use the loo, nor agree to requests for food.

People that need it can use my toilet. That's what it's for. But unless they're doing work for me, or helping me in some other way, food is another matter.

You're both odd. Why did you give him a whole packet of biscuits? Do not let this man take you for a mug.

I wouldn't let a delivery driver in, nor would I be handing them packs of biscuits. Although at Christmas I do give anyone delivering stuff a Lindt choccie reindeer.

I direct them to the nearest supermarket which is 2 minutes away for the loo - and I expect I'd suggest they go there for biccies too!!!

I did this when a guy came to measure up for something. Not comfortable with strangers going upstairs if they don't have to, really.

What the fuck?
Do you not think a diabetic would (a) usually have their own emergency food and (b) preface it with “sorry to ask you this, but I’m diabetic and…”

The toilet thing - I get it was awkward to say no, though as a woman I wouldn’t let w man into my house personally.

But the biscuits? He’s taking the piss.

I’d be really cross if my husband had done that. It’s such a bizarre thing to agree to. Even if you struggle with no for the loo, it’s so easy to lie, “sorry no - I don’t have any.”

The biscuit thing seems a bit weird.
I am now thinking twice about letting strangers use the toilet after watching this on TV last night.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000xwms

It's definitely odd but has also made me think of the film Sorry We Missed You, which gives great insight into the frenzied pace of being a delivery driver - i.e. peeing into bottles on the go and skipping breaks.

Doesn't excuse the weirdness, obviously(!) but might go some way to explaining why he's asking these things of you.

You sound very kind, but I'd probably nip it in the bud before it escalates.

Just posting to see what happens next...

If he requests anything else, say no. He may be the type of man who pushes and pushes at women's boundaries to see how much he can take.

Get your excuses ready. Use the loo? Sorry the flush is broken. Cup of tea? Out of teabags. Biscuits? We don't have any more in. And don't engage in conversation. Take parcel, say thank you, close door.

Asking to use the loo is understandable, though you'd think his phone could flag up local supermarkets, but asking for biscuits is too much. The only way it's not CF territory is if you were talking to him, sympathizing about his job, and saying "if you need anything at all". But it's never a good idea to let strangers see you as a soft touch. Nip it in the bud.