DH says I was unreasonable to let him in

[PonyPals]

I am working from home at the moment and have been receiving deliveries. The delivery guy (have seen him 3 times before) asked to use the toilet when he dropped off a package last week. I let him... DH said I should not have done that but how could I say no.
Well today, the same delivery driver asked if I could give him some biscuits. I was taken aback but ended up giving him a packet. DH thinks I'm a sucker and the delivery driver will become a CF.
But I don't know... AIBU?
I do admit, it was a weird request but then I thought what if he is diabetic and needed to eat but at the same time if you were diabetic surely you would be prepared???

Probably a totally different set of circumstances, but through being home pregnant in lockdown, my hermes chap went through the entire pregnancy with me! We get on super well and I know all about his wife and children (including pictures) and he’s familiar with DP and my child. We live in a small town, I’d be happy for him to use the loo on the basis of the trust we’ve built over the last 18 months. But a stranger? Fuck no.

There is one delivery driver whom I would allow in my house to use my loo. He is one of the regulars, and the one who carries very heavy boxes into the room they'll be unpacked in for me. HE may use my loo with my blessings.

As for the food...nip that in the bud now. IF he is cheeky enough to ask again, tell him sorry, we're running low, and wish him a good day.

No. No. No. no to the toilet in your home. This is a well- known ruse to check- out your home for a future home- invasion/ burglary. How do I know that? We were " home- invaded " not long after allowing a taxi-driver to use our toilet. 2 men, knives & torches at 3am, While we were sleeping, only to be woken by our darling dog going ape-shit. They took jewellery and car keys. Our dog saw them off the premises, I can never, ever thank our darling dog enough, she has now passed. Police said the toilet-thing is a common ruse to enable someone to 'case' your home, they also said that in our incident, they were not expecting our large dog, as she was out with my husband at the time of the 'toilet ruse. I thank her every. single. day. There are toilets at petrol stations, MacDonalds, and shopping centres etc etc. so don't feel guilty about saying no. Next time he asks, say your husband/brother is a cop and says no more toilet visits and food etc. Ask him if you should call his employers to ask why he hasn't got access to enough toilet- facilities/ pay to ensure the public aren't being asked to provide toilets/ food etc. He won't ask again.

@Idogiveadamn

Wow your wonderful late dog may have saved your lives. What an incredible story. I'm sorry it happened to you but definitely a warning to people to be more careful about who they trust with their homes. Like you and many PP said there are petrol stations and McDonald's in every town.

Yes, I had never, ever heard our Goldie bark like that, or bare her teeth. I have no doubt that she would have put herself between us and those knives if the cowards hadn't made-off. God bless her. It cost us $2k plus to get the car locks changed, and we moved house as I could not sleep there anymore.
OP, kindness has its place, inside your home, alone with a stranger is NOT that place.

Geez @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll how long does the OP get to run thru' ALL those " insufficient social skills, etc blah blah" ? OP, just say NO.

*£2k - typo🙃

Geez @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll how long does the OP get to run thru' ALL those " insufficient social skills, etc blah blah" ? OP, just say NO.

I never said it was incumbent on OP to consider, accommodate or agree to help in whatever the circumstances may be. She's perfectly at liberty to make up an excuse, tell him she feels uncomfortable with that request, just say a plain No or laugh in his face and send him packing for the cheek of asking.

I was simply saying that, although his intents could well be dishonourable or criminal, there are vulnerable people who can function in society, but who are less privileged and maybe struggle in various ways that may not be obvious (or even acceptable) to healthy, NT people.

This thread has parallels with the other one about a tradesman discreetly fulfilling a basic bodily function in his workplace. Yes, protect yourself; yes, choose what you will or won't accept in your own home; but I do sometimes think that a lot of people subconsciously see people doing certain jobs as humanoid robots without the same basic needs as the rest of us.

@CauliflowerBalti

Delivery drivers work on horrible conditions. He probably does see you as a soft touch but fair enough. Nowhere to use the loo, many give themselves kidney infections not drinking enough to avoid the problem, no time for lunch if traffic is bad. I’d be happy to help. They’ve helped us enough this past 16 months.

It is not "fair enough" for him to see her as a soft touch. Bloody hell.

I think it is ingrained as to not offend as if one says no to letting them come in for the loo it is like we are implying they are a threat to us. But how can we change the mindset that our feeling safe is more important than a stranger not feeling offended? In theory easy, not so in practice.

@Cooldryplace

If that's how you want to take it. I'm not prepared to live in fear and I choose to think well of everyone until they show me otherwise. Iife is good mainly because of our positive interactions with other people and I'm not going to deny myself that because of what might happen.

Others will choose differently and that's up to them.

I don't "live in fear" but neither do I let randoms of either sex into my house, whatever the reason.

@joystir59

I wouldn't let a delivery man or any other stranger into my home. Unsafe! Reverse the situation- would you ever ask a customer if you could use their loo when on deliveries? Or ask them for biscuits? He is testing your boundaries. He is up to no good.

Exactly this.

If he needs the toilet he cam go to Tesco and then he can buy his biscuits while he is there. I was terrorised in my home in Islington doing the Good Samaritan thing. My dogs & next doors builders saved my life. Stop being stupid women!

Did let a pregnant lady use my loo recently and made her tea & biscuits after though, but guys need to find a tree & whip it out like the French.

I'm not prepared to live in fear and I choose to think well of everyone until they show me otherwise. Iife is good mainly because of our positive interactions with other people and I'm not going to deny myself that because of what might happen.

Others will choose differently and that's up to them. wtf have I just read? People who have been raped/sexually abused etc don't "choose to live in fear". One of the most idiotic posters I've come across.

@Geekynzmum

You are being very very very unreasonable to give away Tim tams!!!! I think loo is fine but biscuits is too far. If he asks for anything else in the future just say no or you don't have any.

I agree!

Are you in the UK?! Where the hell are you getting tim tams?! Spill your secrets!

(Also agree toilet is okay if you feel comfortable but any type of food request is massive CF territory)

Maybe he fancies you, and using loo and biscuits as reasons to talk too you.
I personally wouldn't let a delivery guy come into my house

I'm in Australian so tim tams a plenty