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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think wedding photographer should have said she’s pregnant?

225 replies

baddaughter2021 · 13/07/2021 22:17

Just that really. Even if she has a few months to go to due date by the time of wedding shouldn’t she have told us?

OP posts:
ihtwsf · 14/07/2021 12:58

I think it wasn't a reverse. When the OP (bride) realized how many people thought she was being unreasonable she quickly faked a reverse.

CastawayQueen · 14/07/2021 13:15

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp

I would not think a thing about pregnancy affecting your ability to do your job but as *@StepBackPlease* said I would think it may be worth mentioning in case the couple are having issues with fertility or baby loss.

A friend of mine went through IVF and suffered a miscarriage just as she was planning her wedding. A visibly pregnant photographer turning up when she hadn’t had time to prepare herself would’ve really upset her.

But that would apply to all visibly pregnant guests would it? Although I suppose you could get guests in and out ASAP. A photographer would be in your face all day
NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 14/07/2021 15:39

@CastawayQueen but you know your guests well enough to invite them to your wedding so presumably they’d have told you when they announced it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/07/2021 16:28

@Sausageroll67

f I ever had cause to employ someone, I would never employ a female of child bearing age. As it was on my wedding day when I had a male photographer present

You do realise this is illegal don't you? And don't even get me started on the misogyny. You kind of expect it from the men, but the women....Sheesh. Hmm

Ohbeeryme · 14/07/2021 21:12

@Terhou what kind of photographer are you? Because I do weddings and it’s very physical, and tiring, even on a good day. As it should be. You don’t stand, or if you’re any good you don’t. You’re constantly bending, crouching, reaching, carrying equipment etc. Not saying it can’t be done in pregnancy but it is a very physical job. With no breaks and possible stress and rushing place to place.

Potpourri23 · 14/07/2021 21:28

I know I should be following the mumsnet crowd in condemning anyone who thinks pregnant women can't do their jobs, but... having worked as a wedding photographer's assistant, I wouldn't employ a fairly heavily pregnant woman for this job, any more than I'd hire a very overweight person. They just wouldn't be able to do the job to the same ability as someone fit and slim. It's not a matter of having working arms to hold the camera Hmm. Wedding photographers don't just assemble everyone for a group shot, take some snaps of the couple cutting the cake, and go home. For a start, you'll be there on your feet for the entire day, normally starting with the "getting ready" shots, so probably a 14-hour day at least. Most wedding photograhers will be bending down, crouching, getting on ladders / chairs for overhead shots, possibly even lying on the floor to get the angle they want. Not to mention darting around guests and being able to move quickly!

Hankunamatata · 14/07/2021 21:38

Suppose it depends how fit op is. My friend was doing spin classes until.she gave birth and running not soon after birth.

1WayOrAnother2 · 14/07/2021 22:06

Of course you should have warned the brides planning skydiving weddings -but the usual church and vintage cars shouldn't be s problem.

CastawayQueen · 14/07/2021 22:45

@Potpourri23

I know I should be following the mumsnet crowd in condemning anyone who thinks pregnant women can't do their jobs, but... having worked as a wedding photographer's assistant, I wouldn't employ a fairly heavily pregnant woman for this job, any more than I'd hire a very overweight person. They just wouldn't be able to do the job to the same ability as someone fit and slim. It's not a matter of having working arms to hold the camera Hmm. Wedding photographers don't just assemble everyone for a group shot, take some snaps of the couple cutting the cake, and go home. For a start, you'll be there on your feet for the entire day, normally starting with the "getting ready" shots, so probably a 14-hour day at least. Most wedding photograhers will be bending down, crouching, getting on ladders / chairs for overhead shots, possibly even lying on the floor to get the angle they want. Not to mention darting around guests and being able to move quickly!
Exactly - this was the issue with the pregnant photographer at the event I worked at!

The truth is a photographer doesn’t have to disclose the pregnancy but if you have a sizeable bump and think you can still do the job then I’d question your professionalism.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/07/2021 22:47

Why on earth would you care? Presumably it doesn’t affect her skills and professionalism.

EarringsandLipstick · 14/07/2021 23:11

[quote Biffbaff]@EarringsandLipstick Yes, she was the reason. I assume morning sickness made her late in the morning. With 40 mins before taxis arrived I asked her if she still had time to do the two bridesmaids' makeup, as one of them could have done their own. She said yes, no problem. We were still there in the room getting ready when I should have been at the end of the aisle!

That said, there's no way I could have not paid her. I was cross, yes, but like I said it wasn't the end of the world. My guests were fine.[/quote]
Fair play to you Biff. Although I agree it wasn't the end of the world, and do now see why you had to pay her, it still sounds so stressful to be that late, entirely out of your control.

All credit to you that it didn't affect you abs guests were all good too.

Guavafish · 15/07/2021 00:55

Yes

Spanielstail · 15/07/2021 12:17

A friend of mine went through IVF and suffered a miscarriage just as she was planning her wedding. A visibly pregnant photographer turning up when she hadn’t had time to prepare herself would’ve really upset her.

Same with us. When we lost our baby and when we were going through IVF we didn't knowingly expose ourselves to anyone pregnant as it was just too painful. It would have ruined our wedding day to have a pregnant person there we weren't expecting.

tallduckandhandsome · 15/07/2021 14:01

What happens if you had a pregnant doctor, solicitor, nurse, waitress?!

You can't avoid pregnant women and it's wrong to deny them a livelihood.

CastawayQueen · 15/07/2021 14:12

@tallduckandhandsome

What happens if you had a pregnant doctor, solicitor, nurse, waitress?!

You can't avoid pregnant women and it's wrong to deny them a livelihood.

Bit different from having to smile at one for several hours straight on your wedding day when you've recently loss a baby...
tallduckandhandsome · 15/07/2021 14:15

You're not smiling at her, you're smiling to the camera.

Spanielstail · 15/07/2021 15:09

*What happens if you had a pregnant doctor, solicitor, nurse, waitress?!

You can't avoid pregnant women and it's wrong to deny them a livelihood.*

Extremely painful. In all those named circumstances it's likely to be short lived and not a great deal you can do about it.

In those early days after our loss, I would have (& did) leave a restaurant because of a pregnant waitress. Doctor or nurse is a necessity.

I wouldn't want to have to see a pregnant photographer for 12 hours straight as a reminder that that wouldn't be me after our wedding despite it being what everyone would have expected for us.

It's not selfish to say that particular photographer isn't right for a specific person.

TidyDancer · 15/07/2021 17:06

@Spanielstail

*What happens if you had a pregnant doctor, solicitor, nurse, waitress?!

You can't avoid pregnant women and it's wrong to deny them a livelihood.*

Extremely painful. In all those named circumstances it's likely to be short lived and not a great deal you can do about it.

In those early days after our loss, I would have (& did) leave a restaurant because of a pregnant waitress. Doctor or nurse is a necessity.

I wouldn't want to have to see a pregnant photographer for 12 hours straight as a reminder that that wouldn't be me after our wedding despite it being what everyone would have expected for us.

It's not selfish to say that particular photographer isn't right for a specific person.

This is an excellent point.

I think there's room for sensitivity to play a part in this.

LizzieW1969 · 15/07/2021 17:48

She has zero obligation to you other than to turn up on your wedding day and take photos.

Well, this sums up the actual position, whether this is a reverse of the OP is the bride objecting to hiring a photographer who is pregnant.

CastawayQueen · 15/07/2021 19:26

@LizzieW1969

*She has zero obligation to you other than to turn up on your wedding day and take photos.*

Well, this sums up the actual position, whether this is a reverse of the OP is the bride objecting to hiring a photographer who is pregnant.

Technically that’s not true - she has the obligation to turn up and take photos that are up to the standard agreed upon when hired.
CastawayQueen · 15/07/2021 19:27

*not quite true

LizzieW1969 · 15/07/2021 21:07

@CastawayQueen

Yes, and I don’t think anyone would dispute that requirement.

But as long as the photographer is able to achieve this, she’s under no obligation to tell her clients if she becomes pregnant.

redandwhite1 · 15/07/2021 21:12

Oh no she's not coming back to explain!

Only writing this so I can wait for it 😂😂😂

Oregano20 · 15/07/2021 21:14

Why?

SnarkyWitch · 15/07/2021 22:00

Is your man the dad?….. then not your business

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