Aibu to think wedding photographer should have said she’s pregnant?

[baddaughter2021]

Just that really. Even if she has a few months to go to due date by the time of wedding shouldn’t she have told us?

it's a reverse

YANBU to be pregnant and to continue doing your job up to the point you decide you should ease up.

YABU for doing a reverse. Just ask the question from your own POV next time.

While I don’t think you should have to tell anyone you’re pregnant, it’s a physical job and you quite possibly won’t be feeling able when the time comes for the weddings. So, I think I would’ve maybe mentioned it. Brides book the photographer booked on their style, if there’s a higher than normal chance it won’t be you shooting it last minute then it’s a shame not to say. It’s not about just going into labour early (when I was just thinking about that I was totally on the photographers side, now I’m a bit on the fence)

Congratulations OP!

My hair & makeup lady was pregnant on my wedding day. She didn't tell me at first (because why should she?) and only did because she was suffering from such bad morning sickness. I kept her supplied with cold drinks/food etc as she needed. She made me extremely late for my wedding as she turned up an hour late and took a really long time to do everything. Although I am not pleased about that, she couldn't help being sick from pregnancy and it's not the end of the world. I just paid her and got on with the day. In summary, it can be an inconvenience to the day but only in some cases, and only dickheads will make you feel bad about it!

Welcome to the second class citizen club. Next season it will “shouldn’t you be home with your baby?”

Rampant misogyny.

Reverse posters should be suspended for being a tit. Really gets my goat.

This x 💯

Infuriating. Just post the damn issue without reversing. It's so sly.

@Biffbaff

Congratulations OP!

My hair & makeup lady was pregnant on my wedding day. She didn't tell me at first (because why should she?) and only did because she was suffering from such bad morning sickness. I kept her supplied with cold drinks/food etc as she needed. She made me extremely late for my wedding as she turned up an hour late and took a really long time to do everything. Although I am not pleased about that, she couldn't help being sick from pregnancy and it's not the end of the world. I just paid her and got on with the day. In summary, it can be an inconvenience to the day but only in some cases, and only dickheads will make you feel bad about it!

That's insane. Sure, being pregnant is not the issue. But she turned up an hour late and made you extremely late? And you paid her?

If she really was the reason you were late, you shouldn't have paid her. In fact, you shouldn't have waited - did your own makeup and been on time. Your poor guests.

Madness.

No, as long as you can do the job there should be no expectation that this should be disclosed.

I did, however, once book a childrens entertainer that turned up heavily pregnant with 2 weeks until due date. They had to keep sitting down, taking breaks, have a glass of water, directed the kids sitting down as they couldn’t stand any longer etc. Essentially did less than half the job/time they were hired for and then left with full payment. I wasn’t going to have it out with them in front of children and parents which I’m guessing was their MO. Still have a bad taste from that one but even so wouldn’t blink at someone who was pregnant turning up as long as they could do the actual job in full.

Why would you need to know that? If she feels comfortable working and having clients booking her then it's none of their business, honestly. Her pregnancy have nothing to do with the way she holds a camera or her Photoworks skills, I assure you.

If the baby is due around the wedding date, then probably should mention it (and she should organise a back-up plan). Apart from that, there’s no need to mention it.

Reverses are manipulative and bloody annoying.

They are written to be so breathtakingly unreasonable that the op gets the bashing they wanted, then they do the reveal. Ta-dah!! Yes! I was right. I'm the angel and they're the devil!

Problem is, you aren't actually in the other person's head and the way you write it, even if you didn't deliberately write it to paint them as monsters, is probably going to be so massively different that had they actually written it, the responses would probably have been different. More sympathetic perhaps. People seeing their pov even.
Worried about practicalities, concerned for photographer, maybe even infertility and blindsided by heavily pregnant photographer at wedding.

It goes without saying that they'd still be being unreasonable! But it would be a more understandable unreasonable.

I always advice my clients to get a male photographer, wedding official, etc, to avoid this type of conundrum.

@Nothingyet

I always advice my clients to get a male photographer, wedding official, etc, to avoid this type of conundrum.

I hope you're being sarcastic

It's not an appointment that can be rescheduled if she's sick or goes into premature labour. I'd be pretty annoyed.

Holy fucking shit balls, can I just point out that men get women pregnant. And if my male photographer's wife went into premature fucking labour I would expect him to prioritize that over my fucking wedding. Christ. What is wrong with people. It's 2021. You want to celebrate 'starting a family' with gorgeous photos while denying current families a method of feeding those families. It's just gross. Really.

YABVU for posting a reverse

I think you have to tell them if you

1. limits you job capabilities
2. you might cancel

It’s unfair on them and they should have the chance to book another photographer

@Guavafish

I think you have to tell them if you

1. limits you job capabilities
2. you might cancel

It’s unfair on them and they should have the chance to book another photographer

Do you also expect male photographers to disclose their partner's pregnancy? They may cancel during the birth or take parental leave.

While I don’t think you should have to tell anyone you’re pregnant, it’s a physical job and you quite possibly won’t be feeling able when the time comes for the weddings

It involves standing at intervals and using equipment which really isn't heavy. What's so physical about it?

As PP have said, you could be ill or in an accident or have a family emergency....so your clients need to know what the alternative is if you cant make it.

But that is true of literally anyone doing a service for someone else. Should we all be demanding that plumbers, hairdressers, electricians, cooks, babysitters etc all tell us their backup plans?

Don't see the problem here tbh. She is taking photos, not coming on honey moon!

@Terhou

While I don’t think you should have to tell anyone you’re pregnant, it’s a physical job and you quite possibly won’t be feeling able when the time comes for the weddings

It involves standing at intervals and using equipment which really isn't heavy. What's so physical about it?

It's very physical. Lugging equipment, on your feet for 8-12 hours, up and down ladders, lots and lots of walking. It absolutely is a physical job. Just as an 8 hour day on a retail shop floor is (I have done both!) Both are physical. Both are also doable whilst pregnant.

I simply don't have the will to emotionally invest in a reverse. Just be bloody honest fgs.

Oh dear god op that’s shocking , do people still think that pregnant woman are like a delicate creature that can’t work? . Ok people get ill during pregnancy and maybe that was the concern more than the pregnancy but it’s discrimination and if if it was a man who’s wife was pregnant there would be no concern raised .

Reverse posts are so stupid and I can't understand what people hope to achieve with them. Did op think they would get different responses if they said what the real situation was? People who post them should be automatically unreasonable, no matter what the situation is.

It's a shame this thread has been messed up by the reverse aspect o the OP. It's an interesting scenario with specific issues.

• Will a good photographer have a plan in place for help or a replacement in case of any type of emergency/physical difficulty (not just pregnancy) on the day of an event?

Yes.

• Should a photographer make a client aware that the above situation is slightly more likely due to pregnancy?

Not sure.

• Would some woman underestimate the possibility of late pregnancy affecting their work and therefore fail to put these preps in place?

Perhaps, yes.